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Although, I do believe in honesty, I also have feelings. I would worry about hurting her feelings if I just blurted out.."Sorry, but we don`t have anything in common, so....you need to GET!"
There is no rudeness involved in it - not if one says it kindness and with tact. There isn't even reason to elaborate. "I feel we are not compatible, I wish you the best." Most people will shrug and move on.
The ones who appear to be worried about violence seem to either be teenagers or are seriously hanging out with crowds that like to rumble and smash beer cans on their foreheads. I cannot relate to that side of the tracks. I'm sure many with an ounce of class and decency can't.
I could take a hint. I mean, if someone did not return my calls, etc. I would say,'Fine. I`m not calling her anymore."
Although honesty is probably the best bet.
I would be the same way...after awhile a person doesn't want to talk to me...."oh ok...fine time to find a new friend...many people out there!!!"
Rejection has a bitter sting. Hopefully, we will all get to experience it. (not that we deserve it by any means). Perhaps we can feel a bit of empathy before we "blow someone off." (unless they did something truly vile to us, and deserve to be pushed away)
I had a guy friend who called me almost every day and talked. We hung out at least once a week and had a great time together. He called me one night, said he was going to get cleaned up and call me back in a few so we could go out for a beer. I haven't heard from him in almost 3 weeks now. I have no idea what happened. I called 3 times over two weeks and no answer, no return call. I just left it at that. I do not chase - ever. I wish he had just told me why, you know, what happened. Very weird. He had feelings for me, but we were not romantically involved, so I have just told myself that maybe he couldn't deal, but otherwise, I have no idea. And it actually hurts my feelings that he thinks he cannot talk to me about it and does not feel the need to be honest with me.
So, just from personal experience, I would say you need to tell her nicely what is up.
I've had to fire a friend for personal reasons, but that would make for a realllllllly long post.
I can't believe all the opinions! Thanks everyone, I appreciate it. I can see things from both sides, from being upfront to doing the fade thing. It's not the first friend I've had to let go. This particular one, I don't care that much about because we only met a year ago and in that time she has been a "b" more than once. There are other problems with her but one of them is not violence. I don't think if I was honest she is going to beat me up. LOL...I will also never need her for anything, so I'm not worried about burning bridges. I do understand that theory with leaving a job though. There are past employers I would love to tell off but don't because you never know when you might need them. I would really like to just call her and be honest but like I said, I thought about her personality as someone here suggested. She is the type that would question me and I push me to explain what it is I don't like about her. I don't even have a problem with that but I don't think she would just let it go and would try and argue or turn things against me somehow. I really don't need that crap right now or the stress. I didn't answer her last text which was days ago. She asked if I was ok, knowing I'm sick. If she was really a friend and worried about me then wouldn't she call? I haven't spoken with her since the end of May and have been very sick. Not once did she call out of concern. I'm glad because I don't want anything to do with her but it shows what type of person she is. This is why I'm doing the fade thing because I don't think she deserves more than that.
Yeah...depending on the individual, and their "ways" would be a big factor in how you would handle it. It sounds like your doing the right thing.
Hope that your not still sick, and that your feeling better.
Rejection has a bitter sting. Hopefully, we will all get to experience it. (not that we deserve it by any means). Perhaps we can feel a bit of empathy before we "blow someone off." (unless they did something truly vile to us, and deserve to be pushed away)
Please I have been rejected before....and you think eff him then...curse him out..cry...then say on to the next one.
just say I am sorry but I really find that we dont have anything in common and dont mean to be mean but cannot really find friendship with you at all . good luck .
There's a college-time friend (well, we don't talk anymore) whom I've faded on. He is extremely stubborn and proud, and a bit dense IMO, and culturally we are a bit too dissimilar even though we have the same ethnic background.
We hung out a lot earlier this decade, but as time passed it became evident we became too different at this stage in life. He's not a good talker; I am. He's too old-fashioned; I'm way more americanized. He's not erudite, doesn't read, and speaks unimpressive English even after more than 25 years in America. I read, try to keep up with news, and always try to speak properly.
But it wasn't just that. We just don't match. We actually had a serious falling out 8 years ago. I won't get into it, but I confronted him very angrily and he refused to admit wrongdoing or to apologize. A 2 1/2 year separation ensued and it only ended because he had his first child. Those news melted the tension.
Things were OK from there but finally 2 years ago he did some things that pissed me off. Social gaffes of the worst kind, revealing an immature, selfish, and simply unpolished person. I got tired of it and just stopped talking to him. Never called him again. No more holiday greeting cards (which he never once sent). Ignored him on his birthday. Didn't have him come to my birthday get-together.
I think he finally got the drift. I saw him once this year and that was at a common friend's house. Even then he did something that irked me. I didn't speak to him the rest of the evening.
I'll be cordial if I see him, but I will never go back to what we had before. Not that it was all bad; he is not a bad person. But, we just don't match. Different interests, different cultural outlook, different friends. It's best for me that way.
PS: If I get married, I'm not inviting him.
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I called 3 times over two weeks and no answer, no return call. I just left it at that. I do not chase - ever. I wish he had just told me why, you know, what happened. Very weird. He had feelings for me, but we were not romantically involved, so I have just told myself that maybe he couldn't deal, but otherwise, I have no idea. And it actually hurts my feelings that he thinks he cannot talk to me about it and does not feel the need to be honest with me.
