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Sounds like you were rushing things, engaged to someone at 22 in 10 months is pretty quick. She probably did a reality check and decided she wasnt ready to commit. Move on...it sucks but move on.
I was wondering if anyone can give me their opinions/advice on my problem. Yesterday my fiance officially dumped me. We were together for 10 months and I am 35 and she is 22. She lives an hour and a half away and so every Friday afternoon I would drive to her house (where she lived with her parents) and come home on Sunday night. I would also go every Tuesday afternoon. Things were great from the start although occassionaly we would bicker over some very minor things. She knows a lot of people and has a lot of friends and when i wasn't there she enjoyed going over a friends house or going to a bar and having "girl" time and having a few glasses of wine. I never called her or texted her when she would go out but I only asked her to send 2 or 3 texts a night just to say hi because I missed her. She would complain and say she shouldn't have to feel obligated to text me at all. She was very trustworthy and texted me a lot throughout the day always telling me what shes doing (even though I never asked). We did face some obstacles as a couple...her mom loved me but thought she was too young to be getting married and that she was'nt ready for it all. Also her parents didnt want her going out with a 30 year old that a friend could have set her up with before we met so she lied to her parents and told them I was 28 instead of 35 (since I look younger anyway). They never found out but it was like a lie that I hated to keep. She wanted me to move to her town so that we can buy a house there but I couldnt sell my house without taking a huge loss. She also was very social with lots of friends and activities wheras I have only a few friends and only went to the gym. She also only had 3 or 4 girls nights out onweekends and seemed to regret not having more being shes only 22 but she said she was afraid to ask me for more of them because she thought I'd get mad. A month ago she started acting cold/distant to me and no longer got excited when I came to see her. Kissing/sex became less frequent and it times she felt like a friend instead of a fiance. Then one night I overheard her telling someone that she loves me but "how do you ever know if its right" and that "he's always up my a**. Soon after that she asked for a break but later that day said she didnt mean it. 5 days later after bickering over minor stuff she wanted to go on break but this time meant it. We went to visit her bio family and she was mostly cold/distant except when she got drunk once. After the trip the "break"officially started and at 1st she was texting me but then it stopped. After 8 days I couldnt wait anymore so I texted her asking whats going on between us and she said she didn't miss me as much as she should in the time apart and that she loves me but is no longer in love with me. She also said she thinks shes too young to get married. So the last 2 days I've been texting her asking her if we could just date and she said no she thinks we should only be friends because she doesnt see a future anymore with me. She said she doesnt know what happened and I didnt do anything wrong but she just doesnt feel the same anymore. I know she didnt meet another guy because I had my cousin look at her facebook and I looked her myspace and theres 0 signs of any guy and also she still has all our pics up which is like 100 with love captions and all. She also never gave any signs there was another guy and so I'm 98% sure. I guess within a 2 or 3 week period someone can just stop feeling the same. I was shocked because we had a engagement party in 2 weeks and I'm thinking she may have gotten cold feet. She had to tell the 50 people she invited it was cancelled. Is there any way I can get her back?? I mentioned how her best friend just got back together with her boyfriend after being apart for 3 moinths and I asked if she could see that happening with us. She said maybe. I want to get her back but I dont want to push her away. I want to occasionaly see her so that she wont forget about me. What should I do? If I leave her alone she'll probably just disappear and I'll be even more devastated than I already am.
The best thing you can do is leave her alone. Seriously.
Just give it time. Erase everything you have of her's. Email, phone numbers and everything. Why? You will crack at a moment of weakness.
You need some time for yourself and for her.
The worse thing you can do is keep calling and texting only to make her roll her eyes in disappointment.
Give it a month and see if she will say hi in some way. Obviously she will have to make the contact cause you won't have the numbers anymore.
Actually, you can say that to her. Tell her, "If that's what you want I will respect your wishes. I will erase your number and email and such and if you, in the future, wish to contact me that would be your choice." That will give her alot to think about.
I have to agree with most of the comments here. She's just a 22 year old kid. Most kids that age can't commit to relationships for a long length of time. Not to be mean, but there is such a large age difference, chances are she was using you for something. You're better off ending it now than to get married and have the girl file for divorce and cost you a lot of money and grief.
Keep yourself busy. Let yourself heal and get over the relationship. Stop thinking and worrying about what she is doing and how to get her back so much, and find something else that interests you. And the most important thing is, don't get into a rebound relationship until you are over her.
Don't worry, you WILL get over her and you will make it through this.
You're asking for a lot of responsible, big-girl decisions out of someone who only graduated from high school four years ago and still lives at home with her parents. No offense, she is really too young for you and her actions should be making that point painfully clear. I'd let her do some growing and you should move on. You can't possibly believe that this can be worked out into a happy, life long romantic marriage.
No, one that you fantasized was a good one moved on. And thank goodness for that or you would have continued on to the fairy tale wedding, the joyous honeymoon, the selling of your own home to buy another with her name on the title in her 'hood.
Segue into married life with her still wanting her girls nights, your resentment, the inevitable bickering and discontent followed by the painful divorce and the distribution of assets ... Let's not even get into the possibility of a child which would lead you into a financial morass for the next 20 years and more, losing your stake in the new house, etc.
Consider yourself lucky, find some other interests, find yourself and enjoy life! Bon chance.
This is a really good post. It took a long time for me to realize that I didn't miss my fiance as much as I missed the IDEA of him. I was focusing on all the best parts of him, and not on the reality of him. When I began to think about the person he really was, deep inside. I didn't miss him so much anymore.
Think about why you want to be with someone who is immature, wants to go out and party, and doesn't bat an eye when hurting your feelings the way she did?
thanks...I didn't find it mean except for the wuss part hah but as far as age goes most guys do like younger girls
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
Think about why you want to be with someone who is immature, wants to go out and party, and doesn't bat an eye when hurting your feelings the way she did?
I think that the 35 year old O.P. really digs the idea of having a 22 year old wife. She is more of a trophy girlfriend to him than a real girlfriend.
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