So confused...could use some advice (married, girl, older, family)
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Number one, this is how I talk to anyone who asks my advice on the street or on the internet. I don't mince words and I'm a straight forward person.
The fact of the matter is that everyone minds about exes still being friends because it plants that seed in the back of their minds about what their (the ex's) intentions are. Women see them as competition because, let's face it, most women are okay with being just friends with a guy until they see him happy with another woman and then they all of a sudden "realize what they're missing". Ever see My Best Friend's Wedding? That movie has more truth in it than most people are willing to admit. Even if a woman has made up her mind that she and her now-just-friends ex will never have sex again, the moment that he shows preference to another woman over her, she either finds a way to sabotage his new relationship or stops keeping contact with him. I grew up having more female friends than male friends and they told me everything about their relationships and admitted this to me. I also had a female best friend that suddenly became very touchy feely when I started seeing my wife and suddenly stopped all communication when she found out we got engaged.
As far as men being your friends, unless they're gay, they've known you since before puberty or are aquaintances from work, they are only sticking around in hopes of getting some. Those are the guys that introduced themselves to you because they found you attractive, made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the friend zone. If you have a boyfriend, they're waiting for that moment when you and him get into a fight and you seek solace from a friend and then "one thing leads to another".
Everyone your age throws out the trusted "just because you're not mature enough to be friends with your exes" crap but the truth is that there are those of us who are mature enough to have already experienced the facts I've typed above.
I also know you're young and stupid because you have this dilema to begin with. If either of these guys was "the one" this problem wouldn't exist. When you find the one, it's not just one person making all the effort to spend time with each other. So, you got your advice from several members and the concensus seems to be that neither of these guys are "the one" but instead of admitting it, you probably won't listen and continue to see either both or one of these losers.
OMG what universe do you inhabit? Apparently not the same one that I do, b/c in my universe, men and women can be friends without any sexual tension. I've only ever had an issue with one of my guy friends trying to come between my bf and I, and so we aren't friends any more. I have guy friends b/c I tend to get along better with guys. I'm not girly, other than physically. I do not dress or act like a girl, and have always gotten along better with guys, which is why I hang around with guys much more than girls.
Moderator cut: Personal attack
I was asking for advice b/c sometimes it's easier to see what the right thing to do is when you're removed from the situation. I am not asking anyone to sugar-coat their responses, but you don't have to go out of your way to be a prick to somebody asking for help.
Last edited by bmwguydc; 08-15-2009 at 12:18 AM..
Reason: Personal attack
Number one, this is how I talk to anyone who asks my advice on the street or on the internet. I don't mince words and I'm a straight forward person...
Ya know what dude, ya should have quit when you were ahead. Re-read her first post. She asked for advice about what to do in the situation, not about which dude to choose, or about ex's being friends, or about any of that crap.
Your opinions are your own, and man, I respect that.. But seriously, what planet are you from? It's just not right at all to call anyone stupid, even if they are young.. And honestly, she's not really all that young. If she was 19 I'd agree with ya, but man, it sounds like she has some life under her belt and she's out there making a difference for herself. That's more than I can say for a lot of people..
So, let's check this out:
1. Everyone minds about ex's still being friends.
Go back through the posts, and see if "some" equals "all". I've stated that I'm still friends with a lot of my ex's, and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with them. I also remember seeing a couple posts where people have said the same.
2. Guys only want to be friends with chicks if they can get some. "As far as men being your friends, unless they're gay, they've known you since before puberty or are aquaintances from work, they are only sticking around in hopes of getting some."
Wow. I mean, what do I even say to that one? Ignorance is bliss? Maybe? Seriously dude, that's just simply not the case. I have a lot of female friends, and never once did I ever think to myself, "Hey, I'd like to tap that".. Ok, maybe one of them, but that's besides the point. For the most part, they are friends, and that's that. There's a chick in our band that is stunningly beautiful, smart, whatever.. but, dude, she's just a friend. I met her three years ago at a park, she was jogging, I was jogging, we took a break, sat down on the same bench, started talking, and became instant friends - without a single lusty thought anywhere. I'm sure that, if you look around, you find a million people with the same stories. Men and women can be friends, without any sexual tension whatever.
3. Ever see My Best Friend's Wedding?
I've never seen it, but dude, this is real life - not the movies. I've never seen a 100% true to life movie, in fact, never seen one that even comes close. Quit basing things in life based off of some movie. It has more truth then people want to admit? Bro, I think that's just you. People don't regularly "sabotage" their friends relationships, especially if they are a true friend. It just doesn't happen.
And finally, 4. "Or should I just tell them both to **** off and live up the single life?" (her quote)
Man, that was part of the original question. I still don't see where she's asking which one to "choose". What I see is her asking for guidance from someone who can help her out. Forget about yourself for a second here, and put yourself in someone else's shoes. If that person has never been through a certain situation, then obviously they aren't going to know 100% how to handle things in that situation. You're calling her stupid, and that's just not the case. She's simply experiencing something that she's never experienced before, and is asking for an outsiders input on how to handle things. Make sense?
Well man, with all that said, I think you need to stop and take a look at your own life before you go around calling other people "Stupid", especially if you don't know them. Sure, she comes across as being a little pretentious, it may sound like she's up on her high-horse and all that, but seriously, she may be nothing like that. Words get lost in translation, and if you want to translate them in a way that makes her sound like that, well, that's nobody's fault but your own. I read it like this: She started out as not really having a lot of ambition, but then, something made her change her mind. So, she went to school, got her masters, got a good job, and is moving on with life. But, she just doesn't have the experience yet to handle everything that's being thrown at her. She's going to get knocked down quite a bit - that's just life - but she knows when to ask for help. To me, that's almost admirable. Anyone who goes through that much work to make their lives better is someone who deserves praise. I've been there - I went from being an alcoholic (the least of my problems) into being who I am today. I own a business, haven't touched the drink since 96, and have a life that I'm happy to call my own. I know that everything I have, I've earned.
The Bottom Line: Before you make assumptions, stop and think. Is "everybody" really everybody, or is it just a few? Does young always equal stupid? Is it right to call anyone names, ever? Do you honestly think that all men are that shallow?
Man, don't get me wrong, I wish ya the best and all, but at the same time, it doesn't help anyone if all you do is insult them. There are better ways to handle things.
Because he's probably tall, dark, handsome, and $ucce$$ful.
Women are more shallow and base more on looks/wealth when it comes to choosing partners than men are.
Haha, actually he's an inch taller than me, and I am short (although admittedly, he is very good looking). And I'm not really looking for somebody to support me, so their success isn't really that important...it's more their ambitions and drive to be successful (or at least a willingness to work for what they want in life) that I find attractive.
And I believe that I clarified somewhere along the way that when I described him as the "man of my freaking dreams", that I was referring to him having all the characteristics I've always thought that I wanted in a man, not that I literally believe him to be perfect or anything else. Nobody's perfect.
And just a little fyi, I have NEVER dated someone who makes more than me or who supports me financially. I was raised by a strong, independent mother who taught me to be a strong, independent woman and not rely on a man to support me financially. I'm successful on my own (and now I'm probably going to get reamed a new one for being cocky, but I am pretty successful), so a man's success, while a plus, isn't what I'm looking for.
Ya know what dude, ya should have quit when you were ahead. Re-read her first post. She asked for advice about what to do in the situation, not about which dude to choose, or about ex's being friends, or about any of that crap.
Your opinions are your own, and man, I respect that.. But seriously, what planet are you from? It's just not right at all to call anyone stupid, even if they are young.. And honestly, she's not really all that young. If she was 19 I'd agree with ya, but man, it sounds like she has some life under her belt and she's out there making a difference for herself. That's more than I can say for a lot of people..
So, let's check this out:
1. Everyone minds about ex's still being friends.
Go back through the posts, and see if "some" equals "all". I've stated that I'm still friends with a lot of my ex's, and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with them. I also remember seeing a couple posts where people have said the same.
2. Guys only want to be friends with chicks if they can get some. "As far as men being your friends, unless they're gay, they've known you since before puberty or are aquaintances from work, they are only sticking around in hopes of getting some."
Wow. I mean, what do I even say to that one? Ignorance is bliss? Maybe? Seriously dude, that's just simply not the case. I have a lot of female friends, and never once did I ever think to myself, "Hey, I'd like to tap that".. Ok, maybe one of them, but that's besides the point. For the most part, they are friends, and that's that. There's a chick in our band that is stunningly beautiful, smart, whatever.. but, dude, she's just a friend. I met her three years ago at a park, she was jogging, I was jogging, we took a break, sat down on the same bench, started talking, and became instant friends - without a single lusty thought anywhere. I'm sure that, if you look around, you find a million people with the same stories. Men and women can be friends, without any sexual tension whatever.
3. Ever see My Best Friend's Wedding?
I've never seen it, but dude, this is real life - not the movies. I've never seen a 100% true to life movie, in fact, never seen one that even comes close. Quit basing things in life based off of some movie. It has more truth then people want to admit? Bro, I think that's just you. People don't regularly "sabotage" their friends relationships, especially if they are a true friend. It just doesn't happen.
And finally, 4. "Or should I just tell them both to **** off and live up the single life?" (her quote)
Man, that was part of the original question. I still don't see where she's asking which one to "choose". What I see is her asking for guidance from someone who can help her out. Forget about yourself for a second here, and put yourself in someone else's shoes. If that person has never been through a certain situation, then obviously they aren't going to know 100% how to handle things in that situation. You're calling her stupid, and that's just not the case. She's simply experiencing something that she's never experienced before, and is asking for an outsiders input on how to handle things. Make sense?
Well man, with all that said, I think you need to stop and take a look at your own life before you go around calling other people "Stupid", especially if you don't know them. Sure, she comes across as being a little pretentious, it may sound like she's up on her high-horse and all that, but seriously, she may be nothing like that. Words get lost in translation, and if you want to translate them in a way that makes her sound like that, well, that's nobody's fault but your own. I read it like this: She started out as not really having a lot of ambition, but then, something made her change her mind. So, she went to school, got her masters, got a good job, and is moving on with life. But, she just doesn't have the experience yet to handle everything that's being thrown at her. She's going to get knocked down quite a bit - that's just life - but she knows when to ask for help. To me, that's almost admirable. Anyone who goes through that much work to make their lives better is someone who deserves praise. I've been there - I went from being an alcoholic (the least of my problems) into being who I am today. I own a business, haven't touched the drink since 96, and have a life that I'm happy to call my own. I know that everything I have, I've earned.
The Bottom Line: Before you make assumptions, stop and think. Is "everybody" really everybody, or is it just a few? Does young always equal stupid? Is it right to call anyone names, ever? Do you honestly think that all men are that shallow?
Man, don't get me wrong, I wish ya the best and all, but at the same time, it doesn't help anyone if all you do is insult them. There are better ways to handle things.
One more time, you rock Urban Blasphemy! Thanks for having my back Moderator cut: Personal attack
Last edited by bmwguydc; 08-15-2009 at 12:20 AM..
Reason: Personal attack
Haha, actually he's an inch taller than me, and I am short (although admittedly, he is very good looking). And I'm not really looking for somebody to support me, so their success isn't really that important...it's more their ambitions and drive to be successful (or at least a willingness to work for what they want in life) that I find attractive.
And I believe that I clarified somewhere along the way that when I described him as the "man of my freaking dreams", that I was referring to him having all the characteristics I've always thought that I wanted in a man, not that I literally believe him to be perfect or anything else. Nobody's perfect.
And just a little fyi, I have NEVER dated someone who makes more than me or who supports me financially. I was raised by a strong, independent mother who taught me to be a strong, independent woman and not rely on a man to support me financially. I'm successful on my own (and now I'm probably going to get reamed a new one for being cocky, but I am pretty successful), so a man's success, while a plus, isn't what I'm looking for.
[quote=amsherwo;10276488]One more time, you rock Urban Blasphemy! Thanks for having my back Moderator cut: Personal attack
The dude is just irritating me.. I mean, in every post, he's said just about the same exact thing, and things have been explained to him a few times now.. But, then he turns around and calls ya stupid and says that you won't listen to anything but what you want to hear..
To me, that sounds a little hypocritical... If someone tells me somethin', then I listen and move on. I might not take their advice, but I'll still listen and try to understand what they are saying. Still, I'll never call anyone "stupid". I hate that word more than anything. Growing up, my old man used to tell me that I was stupid all the time. On one hand, that gave me the drive I needed to succeed, but on the other, well, it just wasn't pretty. He's made amends and all that now, but that doesn't change what I had to deal with growing up. I don't think it's right for anyone to call another person names.
Anyway, enough of my pointless ramblings..
Moderator cut: Personal attack
Last edited by bmwguydc; 08-15-2009 at 12:21 AM..
Reason: Edited quoted text. Please discuss ideas, not individuals
The dude is just irritating me.. I mean, in every post, he's said just about the same exact thing, and things have been explained to him a few times now.. But, then he turns around and calls ya stupid and says that you won't listen to anything but what you want to hear..
To me, that sounds a little hypocritical... If someone tells me somethin', then I listen and move on. I might not take their advice, but I'll still listen and try to understand what they are saying. Still, I'll never call anyone "stupid". I hate that word more than anything. Growing up, my old man used to tell me that I was stupid all the time. On one hand, that gave me the drive I needed to succeed, but on the other, well, it just wasn't pretty. He's made amends and all that now, but that doesn't change what I had to deal with growing up. I don't think it's right for anyone to call another person names.
Anyway, enough of my pointless ramblings..
Moderator cut: Personal attack
Yeah, I find him to be pretty irritating myself. I just don't get why he feels the need to be so insulting towards someone he's never met and knows nothing about, just for that person having the audacity to ask for advice. Especially since he has yet to address anything that I really asked for advice on...hmm...interesting lol.
Name-calling is never appropriate, or right Moderator cut: Personal attack
And you like the simpsons??? Man, Urban Blasphemy, that totally solidifies your place on my good side (as if the defending me and being so helpful and such didn't already).
Last edited by bmwguydc; 08-15-2009 at 12:23 AM..
Reason: Edited quoted text. Personal attack.
Yeah, I find him to be pretty irritating myself. I just don't get why he feels the need to be so insulting....
As I said before, ignorance is bliss. Why do you think there are so many completely happy people in the world?
Really, if I'm going to call names, I'm going to have a pretty damn good reason for doing so.. and when I do, I'll back it up with the reasons why. Although, I think I called someone a "brat" on here once, and had no reason to besides the fact that I just felt like it.. nevermind.
And seriously, who doesn't like the simpsons? And the movie? I gotta admit, that was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. (although, I might refrain from admitting that in public...)
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