Transitioning from a couple to friends (dating, boyfriend, girlfriends, married)

[eyeofthestorm]

My SO and I have broken up. He did not want to, but I had my reasons. He wants me back but it aint happening. I did agree to remain friends with him. I loved him for a very long time, and still care for him. Our families are involved, so it is nearly impossible to just part ways.

Have any of you ever moved from a lovers relationship to a friends relationship? Did it work?

[virgode]

Staying friends isn't in his best interest, don't make him suffer.

[stepka]

My ex and I get along about as well as it is possible for anyone to, but it's still weird. It's easier for the one who broke it off though (in our case, he did), so keep that in mind and be kinder than necessary if you must do this.

The main thing that grits me is that my ex has always been pretty insensitive and I find this harder to take than the actual breakup. Like last weekend we were hanging out with old friends and he played a song for one of them that had personal meaning to me when we were married and when I deleted the song off of my ipod after the breakup I mentioned it to him, but the dummy still played that song. I had a hard time believing that it wasn't deliberate. My point is to be extra sensitive about things like that--the little things.

[MMichelle]

Anything is possible but I don't advise it!

I remained friends with my 1st ex. We really became friends after he moved 2000 miles away. We email / call all the time. But we have been spilt for over 15 years now. the distance and time allow us to be good friends. But this is a very rare case.

To hold no hard feelings is good for the karma but to try to remain friends will hold both of you back. This friendship will create baggage for your (and his) next relationship.

My advise - Do not stay in contact. Don't try for the friendship, feel good thing. Move on.

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm

My SO and I have broken up. He did not want to, but I had my reasons. He wants me back but it aint happening. I did agree to remain friends with him. I loved him for a very long time, and still care for him. Our families are involved, so it is nearly impossible to just part ways.

Have any of you ever moved from a lovers relationship to a friends relationship? Did it work?

I agree. Cut it off. At least for awhile. Let him get over it and find someone new. Then, see how you feel about being "just friends."

[spinx]

Not a good idea. I tried this with my ex and we just ended up in bed together.

*thumbs down*

[Ticatica]

I have tried this but I haven't been successful yet. My last ex and I are sorta friends but he still entertains delusions of reconciling, even though I've told him I'm dating. It's been three years since the breakup and he's still not dating anyone! I frankly wonder if it would have been kinder to leave him be so he would be motivated to find someone else.

[miu]

It doesn't work if one of them still is in love with the other one. With two of my exes (that I broke up with) I felt it kinder to leave their lives totally and find a new set of friends to hang around with. I knew that it would hurt them too much to stay around. I wanted them to mend as fast as possible and find new girlfriends, being within their eyesight would hinder that process.

Hypothetically, I wouldn't even try to return to an old social circle until I heard that he found a new girlfriend and they'd been together happily for a few months. Even then I would keep a respectful distance. And if I had a new boyfriend ahead of him finding a new love, I would definitely stay far away from him.

[Teddybear52]

Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm

My SO and I have broken up. He did not want to, but I had my reasons. He wants me back but it aint happening. I did agree to remain friends with him. I loved him for a very long time, and still care for him. Our families are involved, so it is nearly impossible to just part ways.

Have any of you ever moved from a lovers relationship to a friends relationship? Did it work?

I just recently been dumped becuz of his family doesnt accept me.. we have been together for a long time.. it just happened 6 weeks ago.. we were never friends we started the relationship on our first date so now we are friends that is hard for me.. He says he still cares about me and loves me.. Just feel fed up with family always complaning about me.. they h ear stories from people who barely knows me or met me.. He is currently trying to get another lady he met before all this happend.. We both flew out on our vacations he with family visitng grandma cuz she has cancer I went to see my best friend she has heart plms.. after getting back this blows up at me.. We both agree that there is no wrong between us.. I really doubt we will get back together.. it feels so lonely etc.. Im hoping to find another man who likes big women (I dont plan to stay big ive been losing weight).. it is tough going from couple to friendship so sudden.. I know how u feel.. Keep in touch if you like..
Jenna

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm

My SO and I have broken up. He did not want to, but I had my reasons. He wants me back but it aint happening. I did agree to remain friends with him. I loved him for a very long time, and still care for him. Our families are involved, so it is nearly impossible to just part ways.

Have any of you ever moved from a lovers relationship to a friends relationship? Did it work?

Don't kid yourself.

Has it occurred to you that you're being very cruel? You can't have it both ways. You can't un-ring a bell. There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than a person who has broken off a romantic relationship with you, but won't leave you alone. So by sticking around, you're really condemning the poor guy to this perpetual cycle of taking every single kind thing you say as a sign you're ready to reconcile, only to see his hopes dashed by another rebuff. In fact, you're already alluded to this occurring in your post. So if you like the guy, then leave him the heck alone already. Don't return his phone calls and e-mails beyond what is absolutely necessary.

And your families may be involved but, quite frankly, they're having to deal with the smell and the mess of the breakup, too. So I think parting ways is probably the healthiest thing you can do for a good six months or so.