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She wouldn't believe you, for he's already poisoned the well. Perhaps you should find a mutual friend who might let some details drop about your marriage without telling her everything.
I divorced my ex husband after many years because he was emotionally and physically abusive, had a violent history I didn't know about at first, and was manipulative, dishonest and dishonorable in his dealings with others, and a pathological liar. In short, he was a monster, and leaving him was an act of courage. He is in a new relationship now, and the similarities between his new gf and I are striking. Though I have never met her, I know many things about her, and among the things that make us similar, is that she had been in an abusive relationship that she, herself, had escaped from. He charmed her. He lied to her, making her feel he would take care of her financially. Of course, he has made her believe terrible things about me. I have reason to believe “the honeymoon is over” and that now he is treating her badly, as well. Should I reach out to try to help her? Tell her the truth about him? I would be willing to bet that she does not know about his violent history. She has said bad things about me, and helped him hurt me, but I am trying to be forgiving in my heart about that. I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that it is because he has her fooled, and she does not know any better.
I think you should stay out of this one! First, you go looking to help your ex's new girlfriend, you might come out of it looking like the bad guy. If he has said all sorts of bad stuff about you, steer clear of this. Unfortunately, not everyone who gets out of a bad relationship; one that is abusive ends up going into a better one or not having one at all. Sometimes it is so difficult to break the cycle of abuse because it is so much easier to go back to what is familiar to us. Until his new girlfriend can see this, she will stay with him and take his abuse; that is if he is dishing it out at all. Who knows, unless you can absolutely see that he is abusing her then you don't know for sure it is happening at all and very well might not be.
Again, if you intervene here and it isn't as bad as you are suspecting then you are going to come across as the meddling ex. Stay away from this one big time. I am sure if his new girlfriend got out of an abusive relationship prior to hooking up with your ex then she will eventually see what is going on if anything.
You don't want to interfere, have nothing be going on right now and have your ex say to his new girlfriend, "See I told you my ex wife was a bit- -"
Although I would love to advice you to tell her what a d*ck he is, I`m with everyone else..unfortunetly, at this point, she probably would defend him. Maybe later on, if she is the type to stay and put up with it, she would be more willing to listen. (Which for our sakes, we hope that she does not. Stay, I mean)
You are a good person to forgive her, btw, for hurting you, and was willing to warn her about the devastation ahead.
how come you know all this stuff and why are you fixated on your ex and his new
GF. do you find monsters attractive. i do. mine got great legs and hair but trust me they are monsters.
how come you know all this stuff and why are you fixated on your ex and his new
GF. do you find monsters attractive. i do. mine got great legs and hair but trust me they are monsters.
It's a long story. I'll say this: I have little ones. Were it not for that, I would be happy to just forget that he exists and go on with my life as though I had never known him.
Do I find monsters attractive? Well, I've never met any but of the human variety, and, no, I don't find those attractive at all!
You are a good person to forgive her, btw, for hurting you, and was willing to warn her about the devastation ahead.
Aw, and you are sweet for saying so. Thank you. Having been through it, I feel very protective towards other abused women, and I would take the opportunity to stand up to a bully any day, if I thought it would help. Of course, having been through it, I also know all about how stubborn can be the mindset of a victim.
However, this post is an object lesson to anybody going into a new relationship. If the person you're getting involved with has a history of broken relationships where every dustup was ALWAYS THE OTHER PERSON'S FAULT, then run away as fast as you can.
if you intervene here and it isn't as bad as you are suspecting then you are going to come across as the meddling ex. Stay away from this one big time.
.....
You don't want to interfere, have nothing be going on right now and have your ex say to his new girlfriend, "See I told you my ex wife was a bit- -"
That's exactly what he would say. I know because that's what he said about his ex gf when she tried warning me. Sure her tone was angry when she had her say so there was a part of me that wanted to believe it. I was a very passive person then and it was difficult to provoke an angry reaction in me. Naive as I was, I believed people were just born nice or mean and I figured there must be a part of her that was mean and cold for her to be able to speak in that tone, even though it was wrong that he hit her. I thought, if she can speak with such anger, there must be something to what he is saying and she must be difficult to get along with. Maybe he'll learn to treat me better. Well, experience taught me that even a passive person can only take so much provocation before they begin feeling and acting angrily. It's so crazy the way these cycles repeat themselves . . .
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