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Is there anyone here, who is Middle Aged and never had children? Did you face this pain? How did you cope with it? It is scary to grow up and have essentially no family, or people so far away, they become strangers to you. When you past age 40, everyone lives so far away, and people start dying off, it just gets more painful. Does anyone relate to this? I thought dealing with it would get easier as I got older. {was infertile and too sick to have children} instead it got harder. Yes I always have done volunteer work and given to communities I am in.
Well I think it may be scarier to have the kids sometimes. I mean they don't always turn out like u plan or do the right thing. And having kids is not a guarantee u r going to have someone to love and care for u in ur old age. I say get a dog...
Well I think it may be scarier to have the kids sometimes. I mean they don't always turn out like u plan or do the right thing. And having kids is not a guarantee u r going to have someone to love and care for u in ur old age. I say get a dog...
Sun Queen is a killer screen name, BTW. Yes, I agree, having kids isn't a guarantee that they will take care of you when your old............
Sun Queen is a killer screen name, BTW. Yes, I agree, having kids isn't a guarantee that they will take care of you when your old............
I like Sun Queen's name, too...we royal types should start a club.
True, Chowhound, there are no guarantees and sometimes kids grow up to be people you really don't like. A woman I used to work with said she'd read an article that polled women who had children and asked if they had the chance to make the choice over again, would they, and 70% said no, they would not have had children. (I am not vouching for the accuracy of this poll, since it was long ago, didn't actually read it myself and have no reference to offer.) However, the woman who told me this agreed with the results--and she had three grown children.
This, of course, does not lessen the pain of anyone who wanted children and regretted that they did not have them. I am just offering it as another perspective.
I also remember a favorite, loving, great-uncle and aunt. They had no children of their own. They are long gone, but they were a happy, stable part of my childhood, which included some significant turmoil at home. I doubt they even knew how much positive influence they had on us.
By the way, I have one child. I always wanted to have more, but due to life's circumstances, I did not. My daughter is indeed someone I like as a person, and I've accepted that perhaps it's best that I did not have more.
I'm 42 and have no children of my own. There was a time when I would have these fantastic dreams about cuddling my own child, hosting neighborhood barbecues, and going through the whole 9 months of carrying a baby. But, it didn't workout for me ... For me I was with a man who had already been married and had children of his own so he didn't want anymore. And also I have endometriosis. This makes is very challenging to get pregnant.
I work in an assisted living now and I can tell you- I see a few residents who never got married and had no children, and no one comes to visit them. It's so sad and it's planted the seed what my future maybe like ... There are no guarantees in life, but if you have that maternal bond and are close with your children, they'll be there in the end.
I think at this point, I don't want children now even if I could have them. But I would like to meet not a perfect man, but simply the right man. An eternal partner.
The OP asks for advice from people who are growing older and feeling sad about not having kids. I don't think responses like "No, I am really happy never having babies" or "Why don't you get a puppy, that's just as good" are very helpful. The OP is looking for constructive suggestions, not emphasis that no one could understand.
What's with all the people who must chime in about never having kids and being happy with it? To me, it sounds like they're trying to assure themselves.
Children or not does not mean they will come to see you when you get old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImCurlybelle
I'm 42 and have no children of my own. There was a time when I would have these fantastic dreams about cuddling my own child, hosting neighborhood barbecues, and going through the whole 9 months of carrying a baby. But, it didn't workout for me ... For me I was with a man who had already been married and had children of his own so he didn't want anymore. And also I have endometriosis. This makes is very challenging to get pregnant.
I work in an assisted living now and I can tell you- I see a few residents who never got married and had no children, and no one comes to visit them. It's so sad and it's planted the seed what my future maybe like ... There are no guarantees in life, but if you have that maternal bond and are close with your children, they'll be there in the end.
I think at this point, I don't want children now even if I could have them. But I would like to meet not a perfect man, but simply the right man. An eternal partner.
Children or not does not mean they will come to see you when you get old.
That is true, and people move away so much now, even your own kids probably will.
I wish I saw more of my nieces and nephews instead of only once to twice a year. That I think I would feel better over.
Curly belle, you should try and meet an older man like a widower. Seek out friendship first and companionship...at this stage of the game. Make sure they have good character and are dependable. Maybe he will have a family that will embrace you. Do not marry a man with no family or one that is cold and rejecting.
There are home situations I agree that people should not bring kids into. One thing I did not have children, because I could not offer economic stability or good health on part of the parent. Talking about regret over this does not make me a bad person. At least I am not a person who kept having babies while on welfare and unable to take care of them.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 03-09-2010 at 08:48 AM..
I don't have any children, I have no brothers and sisters, and both of my parents are deceased. I DO have a great husband, terrific in-laws, several good friends and many wonderful cousins. I would have liked to have a child, but it didn't turn out that way. It helps to focus on what you DO have. rather than what you don't have.
I like Sun Queen's name, too...we royal types should start a club.
True, Chowhound, there are no guarantees and sometimes kids grow up to be people you really don't like. A woman I used to work with said she'd read an article that polled women who had children and asked if they had the chance to make the choice over again, would they, and 70% said no, they would not have had children. (I am not vouching for the accuracy of this poll, since it was long ago, didn't actually read it myself and have no reference to offer.) However, the woman who told me this agreed with the results--and she had three grown children.
Oh yeah I remember that, it was Ann Landers. I remember at the time that shocked everyone. I have heard this from people too.
I think aunts and uncles can be an important part of a child's life too as well.
One thing is I feel sad being too far away from people I care about like nieces and nephews, I am doing an art work this week for a niece.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 03-09-2010 at 08:55 AM..
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