Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not sure if this is the correct section to post this, but:
Is anyone else on here childfree? As in don't have kids, don't want kids, don't need kids, would rather be sucked through a jet engine than be around kids? I am, and it is very frustrating at times not meeting anyone else who shares my views, especially those of the opposite sex. I can't stand kids, and it seems like society, especially women, are absolutely in love with them. I can count on one hand the number of people I've met who don't want kids. It seems like my chances of finding childfree-by-choice friends are slim to none, let alone a future wife. Maybe it's just where I live, or is everywhere like this?
This has always been and I believe growing probably for anyone who elects not to have children.
Used to be when kids played outside by themselves and all that, parents had more of their own lives, expectations where more that kids might end up having to move somewhere else to find a job, the oldest farm son would get part of the farm, other kids would move on to find other farms or work and people had adult friends and community. Kids and family was just as expected and important and "normal" but it didn't have this overwhelming social weight and focus.
Now the focus is very heavily family. Sure people play golf together and such, especially in certain age groups. But more and more when I talk to people about what they do on weekends, who they shop with, go out with - its "my mother, my family". I ask everyone this as a sort of social experiement, hair dressers, dental assistants. Again I know people have friends but it seems like its in decline.
Now add it the fact that going childless definately causes suspicion alerts to fire up - are they loners? are they weird? who doesn't like kids? They must be weird. And suddenly people have pigeon holed you, judged you and closed the door. I've had this happen several times at work and then had people change their mind later and tell me "yea I thought you must be strange (or mean) but your ok". Gee. Thanks.
This is I believe why many people do have kids - because to veer out of the mainstream in any way will definately impact your life. Once you step a toe over the line suddenly its not just a choice to be a little different - the herd starts actively pushing you farther away. Not sure what the biological hardwiring is here but it seems to be in play.
Add in the increasing importance of family - I mean watch TV talk shows, morning news shows - its ALLL family all the time. How to cook for, family friendly vacations, cars for. If your not a family - no one is talking to you.
I wish there were more websites to link people who are childfree - especially those of us without large families of siblings, cousins, nephews/nieces etc. really need it.
There have been clubs and organizations to try to provide a place for people who choose child free but the ones in the two areas I've lived have usually closed.
Here's a link
I don't know if this counts--I don't have kids, and have no desire to have any anytime soon. Maybe I will have some--maybe I won't. The worlds overpopulated as it is, it's not like the human race is at the point of extinction and we 'need' to breed. That being said, I love kids. I work in Special Education, so I have to, I guess. I love seeing how a kid can go from being non-verbal and totally lacking in confidence to having a light in their eyes and speaking in the course of a school year with the right teacher/special someone and the right support.
A workmate of mine brought in her month old baby today. He is so tiny, beautiful and didn't make a sound. I felt NOTHING.
Wow. I didn't think I wanted kids but now I know just how much.
It kind of upsets me. I feel unwomanly.
So how do you feel when you see a fluffy, puffy kitten
I wouldn't navel gaze about those feelings. There is nothing "unwomanly" about not being drawn to babies. Some people react better to older kids - if at all - without feeling qualms about it.
You ought to check out Welcome to The Childfree Life
It's a moderate forum of CF (and some on the fence) posters with whom you can discuss these feelings.
Hello, is there anyone being same status as me, being childless for past 13 years and been tried all kind methods but still remain childless
Have you been to a fertility clinic? Maybe it's time for assistive reproduction, after 13 years. I can't post a link here, but you could google for "pregnant over 50", join that forum and ask for advise, even if you are much younger.
The childhood fairy tales hold us so strong for so long, - till we are in our 90s, don't they?
I wanted to be married before having kids, too, until I found out I was 3 months pregnant.... at 38. Clearly I didn't follow the prescribed pattern, but was hoping for it for oh so long.
Another myth is hurrying to have kids by 40, despite the developments in health care. So I hurried and had another one at 41. Now looking back, I'm thinking, what was the rush? I could have a kid right now, at 45, and maybe 5 years from now.
So 41 is indeed young and hot!
Not too many people can get pregnant naturally at 45. There is menopause that could happen before 45. Also at 45 its more than likely you will have to conceive with medical assitance. Not to mention the risk of birth defects etc.
Obviously you are a breeder that thinks having babies will solve every person's loneliness, depression or empty feelings, and if their family is dysfunctional, making some babies will fix that also.
And what's wrong with her trying out mentoring or fostering an older child first before jumping into adding an infant into her life?
And if the O.P. has an issue like clinical depression, having a baby won't fix her emotional state, in fact she could end up feeling worse from the pressures of caring for an infant.
People who have children are not BREEDERS they are mothers.
The OP asks for advice from people who are growing older and feeling sad about not having kids. I don't think responses like "No, I am really happy never having babies" or "Why don't you get a puppy, that's just as good" are very helpful. The OP is looking for constructive suggestions, not emphasis that no one could understand.
I know like getting a puppy is going to take away the sadness of not having children
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.