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Girl, while I think you're no picnic to be with yourself (which very well may be the reason he acts this way), I'll still say "pull yourself by the bootstraps and get out of this!" It never fails to amaze me why in the world people would choose to be with somebody who clearly doesn't love them or isn't even "infatuated" with them, if you wish?! Do you think that little of yourself?! Why do you have to settle for these humiliating scraps?!
wow SierraAz, I do hate to hear that from you becasue I respect your opinion and typically agree with it when not emotionally involved. Why would I do this to myself? I am not certain he wasn't infautated with me. (and may still be , sexually , to an extent........is that even possible?) But now no, he's clearly not due to cues and actual statements my insecurity has brought out. (who wants and insecure, needy person?) I obviously do think so little of myself and am very aware I placed myself in the beggar role. Why do I have to settle for this? For now, I do if I want to be with him. I feel Im killing his feelings and thier chance to develop with all my discussions. Just trying to figure out (and while Im aware no one has a crystal ball, at least not a usable one! , there are ways situation is likely to go) so just trying to figure out if I can keep my insecurities to myself, will he come back around or is it now all downhill?
I'm sorry to say this, and I mean no insult, but he sounds like a player to me...
Your allowing him to manipulate him...
Let me tell you, I dated a man like this and fell head over heals in love with him...only trouble was, the man I fell in love with, was not the person he was. It was a game to him, to try and get my attention so to speak, and he did...right up to my favorite music, my favorite places to go...then, when I became serious, he bowed out, and was dating others while we were dating...so, the way I look at it now....
sometimes when you think you loose, you really win...
find someone who deserves you, and will treat you as you deserve to be treated and don't waste as much time as I did over this guy, get out there and live and meet people, it's a marvelous world and he's out there some where looking for you...
this was a learning experience, preparing you for Mr. Right
Hugs
Creme
Hi Creme, I don't think he's a player and certainly has no time for that. He works, I work. We are together 6-7 nights a week and if we do have a night apart, we are on the phone every 3 or 4 hours. He is very good listener and certainly this is his way of attracting women, coming off as a nice guy and a good listener. I do believe him to be all those things sincerely. I am sorry your relationship did not work and strongly agree that sometimes you win when you think you loose. As far as Mr.Right looking for me, he better look hard because if this doesnt work , Im am so done making an effort, they will have to do all the chasing and I will not commit so quickly. This just hurts too bad, and no, not 16 but have only had 3 other relationships since I was.
just read all and realize no one answered the original question- when it starts to go bad, does it get better again or is it downhill usually from here in a situation like mine?
just read all and realize no one answered the original question- when it starts to go bad, does it get better again or is it downhill usually from here in a situation like mine?
It's an unknown (the uncomfortable unknown for you). There are examples when things went either way. But judging by how insistent you are, and how bad you want hard answers, it probably won't get better in your case. Sorry.
It's an unknown (the uncomfortable unknown for you). There are examples when things went either way. But judging by how insistent you are, and how bad you want hard answers, it probably won't get better in your case. Sorry.
just read all and realize no one answered the original question- when it starts to go bad, does it get better again or is it downhill usually from here in a situation like mine?
I think it's nearly impossible to reverse the dynamics of this relationship at this point. You need to learn from it, though, because any other relationship will have the same outcome should you continue acting as you do. Give yourself a break, think some, read some, and change your ways next time.
Look at yourself as a prize, not a beggar. The more you push for something, the less likely it is to happen. Granted, I've been divorced more than once, but never, EVER, have I asked "where any relationship is going " or "when they plan to marry me"... That's not how things work. Forget those idiotic "talks"! If somebody is attracted and emotionally attached to you, he'll want to be with you on his own accord and nothing you do can change that if it's not there.
I feel for you. Get some books on self esteem, read them, stay away from your guy when you feel the impulse to ask about his decision. Sorry for the brevity but I wrote a long-ass heartfeelt response that the forum ate instead of posting.
What my question is is that when people start to loose feelings for you, do they come back or is it usually downhill from there?
I hate to say, things usually go downhill.. Once the problems start, and then are multiplied, they just get bigger and bigger until neither person can stand it anymore.
Clearly I need to stop talking and asking questions and I think I can do this. If I can, do you guys think it may work?
I doubt it.. Thing is, the damage has already been done, and it sounds as if he's already backing out. Since you've only been together just a few short months, there's not a lot of history to build on there, especially if you've been feeling insecure and he's admitted that he's just not "in-love" with you.
So, on to the bigger issues..
I don't understand why anyone would need to "talk the relationship to death". There's just no need to do that.. Ok, sure, in this situation I can see that you're wanting validation for how he feels about you, but over-analyzing things won't help one bit. The key here is to just relax and enjoy the relationship for what it is. Love may come, and it may not.. but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you take each and every moment and enjoy it, cherish it if you will.. Life's too short to keep on searching for something that just isn't there. If you're not happy with him, then move on.. Find someone that you will be happy with, and not have to worry about ex's or being in love or any of that crap.
I'll reiterate: "I have many issues, trusting him is actually not one of them but his interactions with female friends, some of whom are ex girlfriends, does get to me sometimes."
If you're not comfortable with that, and he doesn't want to acknowledge that you're not comfortable, then for some reason, I just don't think this is a good match.
Hell, I may be wrong, so don't quote me. Still, I think you should be with someone you're completely happy with..
You talk the relationship to death and its only been 3-4 months? I think if you are that insecure it would probably be better for you to be single for a while. Have you ever been without a boyfriend for an extended period?
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Do you think that little of yourself?! Why do you have to settle for these humiliating scraps?!
" or "when they plan to marry me"... That's not how things work. Forget those idiotic "talks"! If somebody is attracted and emotionally attached to you, he'll want to be with you on his own accord and nothing you do can change that if it's not there.
