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My husband has a "new best friend" and she happens to be female. At first I was ok with it but it has turned a bid ugly! They talk for hours at a time when I am home. Text each other and then he deletes all history.... Phone calls made, received and off course all texts. He'll go in a another room when they talk or goes outside! He says they are JUST friends and that they hit it off.... And that I have nothing to worry about! I found out from a friend that they "wrestled" in fun while at little Party they gave her.... uhm, Am I wrong to be pissed of for being or feel like being played for a fool?????
My husband has a "new best friend" and she happens to be female. At first I was ok with it but it has turned a bid ugly! They talk for hours at a time when I am home. Text each other and then he deletes all history.... Phone calls made, received and off course all texts. He'll go in a another room when they talk or goes outside! He says they are JUST friends and that they hit it off.... And that I have nothing to worry about! I found out from a friend that they "wrestled" in fun while at little Party they gave her.... uhm, Am I wrong to be pissed of for being or feel like being played for a fool?????
twins: it sounds like your husband is having an emotional affair at the very least. whether or not it's turned physical, i can't say.
OP: it's been a year since you decided to let your wife have single male friends. how is everything going in your marriage?
in my experience, sexual tension will become an issue in most male/female friendships. it's just the nature of things, the sexual attraction between men and women.
all relationships are cyclical in nature and have their ups and downs. when the marriage is in a down swing, the easy opportunity to unload emotional baggage on a friend of the opposite sex may create the emotional component in the relationship that sparks the emotional or physical affair. when you are arguing with your spouse, and feelings of anger, frustration, and hurt cloud your mind often times when you have contact with them, it is just human nature to look upon a friend of the opposite sex who we're sharing our feelings with as caring, attentive, sensitive, etc. they don't even have to be consciously trying to seduce you: in their mind, they are simply "being a friend" to you, supporting you through a difficult time. comparing your partner and your friend at this time will be akin to comparing the devil and an angel... throw in feelings of victimization in the marriage, which are common at times, and it becomes humanly impossible to resist having an affair with your knight in shining armor (or fair maiden).
no marriage is happy all of the time. to prevent slips that may end the marriage and fracture the family, i've found that it's best to limit my friends to my own gender, and same for my wife.
if you disagree and feel that you and your partner will be able to stay true to one another while having friends of the other sex, then i wish you the best and hope that you each know yourself well enough to make it a reality.
OK, here goes. We are having *major* issues with trust in our marriage. Or, more appropriately, I'm having the issue. We've been married for six years and I have, at times, questioned my wife about guys at work, guys from her past etc. All the while, with absolutely no evidence to make an accusation.
Last Friday, I noticed her exchanging messages on Facebook with a male coworkers. The messages were pretty innocent, just talking about Big Brother (reality TV show) and wishing him good luck in school. No big deal, but for some reason I completely lost it, thinking that maybe she is attracted to another guy. My wife gets emotional, wanting to know why she can't have male friends, assures me that she is aware of the boundaries in our marriage. We go back and forth over the weekend. Finally, after another argument on Sunday, claiming she is tired of six years of accusations and/or mistrust she gives me an ultimatum.....either seek counseling over my trust issue or the marriage is over. So, I'm torn..don't understand why she will not see my concern over friendships with single guys etc. Any suggestions? Please be honest, I can take the criticism if it comes my way.
Just because some other female in your life (mother, sister, first wife), cheated and broke up her marriage (and possibly someone elses as well), does not mean that your wife is going to do the same thing. All women are not alike. You have unresolved issues. I suggest you find a way to work through them (professional counseling) or you are going to have a very unhappy, lonely life.
My husband has a "new best friend" and she happens to be female. At first I was ok with it but it has turned a bid ugly! They talk for hours at a time when I am home. Text each other and then he deletes all history.... Phone calls made, received and off course all texts. He'll go in a another room when they talk or goes outside! He says they are JUST friends and that they hit it off.... And that I have nothing to worry about! I found out from a friend that they "wrestled" in fun while at little Party they gave her.... uhm, Am I wrong to be pissed of for being or feel like being played for a fool?????
No, I would be pissed off too. At the minimum, I would feel it's disrespectful and crossing many boundaries. Talk to him.
I think these old posts get resurrected because someone searches something on Google and this forum topic has all the key words. Twinsapart, I'm assuming you did the search, since you resurrected the thread. We might not hear from the OP since the thread is over a year old, but to Twins, your husband is wrong. Deleting texts? Wrestling? Even if it hasn't gotten very physical, establishing that emotional connection with someone outside of the marriage IS cheating, and can sometimes have worse implications than a mere physical affair.
You have no reason not to trust her. You're being overly controling and like your wife says, you need to stop. You also need to realize that she could cheat if she wanted to. You blowing up at her or even just questioning her is not going to prevent her from cheating. Nothing will, if she wants to. But she doesn't want to and And that you just have to trust.The only reason people are faithful is because they want to be. Not because thier partner makes them be faithful or prevents them from being unfaithful.
She has proven to you many times that all conversations are innocent.
Honestly I'm not sure what your question is, she already told you: counseling to stop your over-the-top jealousy or goodbye.
My husband has a "new best friend" and she happens to be female. At first I was ok with it but it has turned a bid ugly! They talk for hours at a time when I am home. Text each other and then he deletes all history.... Phone calls made, received and off course all texts. He'll go in a another room when they talk or goes outside! He says they are JUST friends and that they hit it off.... And that I have nothing to worry about! I found out from a friend that they "wrestled" in fun while at little Party they gave her.... uhm, Am I wrong to be pissed of for being or feel like being played for a fool?????
He definetly shouldn't be deleting his history. Everything should be out in the open and ok for you to see. Wrestling is waay too far also imo.
A married woman who wants to have guy friends is not fully committed to her marriage. "He's just a friend"... that line is used by women to keep guys they like around (options). Dont' let the women in here fool you and tell you that you need counseling and have trust issues. Why don't you go out and get some girlfriends and start hanging out and calling them. Make sure your wife knows it too! put it right in her face. If she is ok with it then... she might not be the right woman for you. These type of women always say stuff that makes no sense to try and justify it: - I only get along with guys..., He's been my best friend for a long time... etc..
Simply put... a woman like this will drive you to death (literally)! My wife tried this same bull**** when we got together. Guys calling and leaving messages, etc... ' Oh, he's just a friend". When she came to my place I had my cousin (female) call. She didn't like it at all.... If she wouldve argued to have guy friends anyways.. I wouldn't of married her. I don't want to spend all my married life feeling jealous of her hanging out with other guys. She got the point and let all guys in her life go, I let all girls in my life go. We never do anything that could possibly make each other feel jealous or hurt. That's right NO guy friends and NO girlfriends. We have been married for 13 yrs. now. Never a problem!
forget deleting the history... the whole thing is wrong! does he not care how you feel by having a girlfriend and doing all that stuff. i dont think he does one bit. if he were fully committed to you and the marriage he would never behave this way. i say you get a new best boyfriend and do some wrestling and secret texting... SEE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT! That is the best remedy (how does it feel the other way around). People in here telling you its no big deal are also CHEATERS!
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