Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-26-2012, 03:46 PM
 
474 posts, read 494,252 times
Reputation: 224

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
The boyfriend and I are so different, I wonder if this is contributing to some of the issues we have in our relationship.

Some background: I am black, he is white. He grew up in Westchester county, I grew up in Harlem. He is seven years my senior. He's traveled a lot, I haven't. He works in Manhattan making decent money managing accounts for an A/V company (a nine to five), I've worked for Hooters for two years (working at night, primarily).

We are obviously very different in a lot of ways, but we care a lot about each other and we were virtually inseparable pretty much from the moment we met.

But I can't ignore some of the issues we deal with and I wonder if it has to do with us being so different.

I know he's older, done a ton of stuff, and is generally a very mature individual, however, he talks to me like a child, and I'm tired of it. He honestly makes me feel like a moron and I'm very well educated. He has no problem calling my opinions 'ignorant' and 'stupid'. Mostly I just give up arguing because he gets very agitated and I'm a calm, peaceful, submissive person in general. If I complain about him treating me like a child, he insists that he's doing nothing of the sort, that sometimes I just have moments in which I don't exhibit a lot of common sense.

He is very appearance oriented, and likes to approve of the stuff I wear before I wear them outside. I've complied with the vast majority of his requests about the way I dress, I know for a while he hated that I dressed too 'sexy' when going out, and I toned it down a lot. But I find his attempts to micro-manage what I wear sometimes just a little absurd.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a pet to him, he very much likes going out with me and with his friends and people comment on how pretty I am (he loves that), as long as I don't talk too much, sit still, and look proper.

He says casually bigoted things about certain racial groups from time to time, not that I don't either at times (in a joking manner), but he seems absurdly preoccupied with stereotypes about certain groups. If I discuss it with him he stops (at least temporarily).

Now I've listed all the bad here, of course there's a lot of good. He's smart fun, and very attentive to my needs. He's trying to make me more verbal and expressive. He wants to expose me to a lot of things I haven't been exposed to. I don't doubt he is devoted to me, and I'd never have to worry about him cheating on me. Our sex life is awesome (we have sex daily up to twice a day). He never stays angry long and he's very affectionate.
He's the perfect one for you, don't give up on him. NEVER.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-26-2012, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,162 posts, read 3,359,796 times
Reputation: 2209
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
FYI guys, I have no desire to leave my boyfriend. I just want to ameliorate some of these issues we have. Thanks for the advice.

See what you want to see. Most folks do. Just realize that these issues will likely never, ever go away.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2012, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,162 posts, read 3,359,796 times
Reputation: 2209
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
I am 23.

Please don't do what so many of us did at that young age and gut it out for "love."
Go get something better. Rise up!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2012, 11:41 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,230 posts, read 16,517,749 times
Reputation: 9174
Age, race, income....none of that is really the issue. People from different backgrounds come together all the time and have healthy and loving relationships. What you are describing also comes from all walks of life.

Calling your opinions ignorant and stupid, saying you don't exhibit a lot of common sense and talking down to you shows he doesn't think very highly of you.

If your beauty makes HIM look good and he just wants you to sit there and say little to nothing, that is not at all respectful or flattering to you.

He doesn't have to cheat to be unfit as a partner.

A lot of men will do all those wonderful things you mentioned if it keeps you, and all those things you represent to him, around.

Great and frequent sex does not a healthy and solid relationship make. In fact, that seems to be the one major thing that keeps the most toxic relationships going.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:00 PM
 
2,013 posts, read 3,542,738 times
Reputation: 2167
Gosh, all that sound terrible but since you're determined to stay, there's nothing further I can say.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:03 PM
 
2,013 posts, read 3,542,738 times
Reputation: 2167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Why is this open again? It's 2009.
Oh God

Please ignore my PP
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:23 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top