Boyfriend and I come from completely different backgrounds
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The boyfriend and I are so different, I wonder if this is contributing to some of the issues we have in our relationship.
Some background: I am black, he is white. He grew up in Westchester county, I grew up in Harlem. He is seven years my senior. He's traveled a lot, I haven't. He works in Manhattan making decent money managing accounts for an A/V company (a nine to five), I've worked for Hooters for two years (working at night, primarily).
We are obviously very different in a lot of ways, but we care a lot about each other and we were virtually inseparable pretty much from the moment we met.
But I can't ignore some of the issues we deal with and I wonder if it has to do with us being so different.
I know he's older, done a ton of stuff, and is generally a very mature individual, however, he talks to me like a child, and I'm tired of it. He honestly makes me feel like a moron and I'm very well educated. He has no problem calling my opinions 'ignorant' and 'stupid'. Mostly I just give up arguing because he gets very agitated and I'm a calm, peaceful, submissive person in general. If I complain about him treating me like a child, he insists that he's doing nothing of the sort, that sometimes I just have moments in which I don't exhibit a lot of common sense.
He is very appearance oriented, and likes to approve of the stuff I wear before I wear them outside. I've complied with the vast majority of his requests about the way I dress, I know for a while he hated that I dressed too 'sexy' when going out, and I toned it down a lot. But I find his attempts to micro-manage what I wear sometimes just a little absurd.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a pet to him, he very much likes going out with me and with his friends and people comment on how pretty I am (he loves that), as long as I don't talk too much, sit still, and look proper.
He says casually bigoted things about certain racial groups from time to time, not that I don't either at times (in a joking manner), but he seems absurdly preoccupied with stereotypes about certain groups. If I discuss it with him he stops (at least temporarily).
Now I've listed all the bad here, of course there's a lot of good. He's smart fun, and very attentive to my needs. He's trying to make me more verbal and expressive. He wants to expose me to a lot of things I haven't been exposed to. I don't doubt he is devoted to me, and I'd never have to worry about him cheating on me. Our sex life is awesome (we have sex daily up to twice a day). He never stays angry long and he's very affectionate.
He's the perfect one for you, don't give up on him. NEVER.
Age, race, income....none of that is really the issue. People from different backgrounds come together all the time and have healthy and loving relationships. What you are describing also comes from all walks of life.
Calling your opinions ignorant and stupid, saying you don't exhibit a lot of common sense and talking down to you shows he doesn't think very highly of you.
If your beauty makes HIM look good and he just wants you to sit there and say little to nothing, that is not at all respectful or flattering to you.
He doesn't have to cheat to be unfit as a partner.
A lot of men will do all those wonderful things you mentioned if it keeps you, and all those things you represent to him, around.
Great and frequent sex does not a healthy and solid relationship make. In fact, that seems to be the one major thing that keeps the most toxic relationships going.
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