Are kids really a dealbreaker for that many people? (ladies, too young, feelings)

[Dea13]

I admit when I read through this thread it made me angry. The word 'baggage' to describe a child is just wrong! I'm assuming anyone with a sick parent/grandparent that takes up time would also be 'baggage'? I understand not everyone wants children but to label a living being as 'baggage'?!

I have a daughter and, yes, she is the most important part of my life. My daughter's needs (not wants) come before anyone else. If a man I date ever refers to my daughter as 'baggage' he'd be gone instantly. Having my daughter doesn't mean I wouldn't make time for a special person though. And it would be quite a while before the person gained enough of my trust to be involved in my child's life, let alone even be introduced to her.

My stepdad was the most influential person in my life. He always treated me as his own child. A child can never have too many people that love them. I can only wish to find someone as wonderful to be part of my & my daughter's life.

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by QuickStudy178

Everybody posting on here was a kid once.

Obviously, if someone does not want to bring another child into this (miserable) world, I am certainly not going to encourage them to do so, however many of the responses and arguments on this thread point to a lot of selfishness, self-centeredness, and immaturity, on the part of so many posters, and no, these qualities are not desirable in any kind of relationship whether it be with a single person or with a person who has kids..

On the other hand, if I were hearing arguments like "I don't want to be with someone with kids, because I don't feel like I know how to interact with kids", or "because I would feel guilty not having enough time to spend with them", then I would at least have some hope for humanity.

But selfishness and self-centeredness? That's why we have so many problems in our society, including the great recession (commonly known as a "depression", but that word is too scary and not politically correct) that will never go away.

And referring to a child as "baggage"? Wow. That is really a pretty low scum-of-the-earth mentality, a mentality of someone I would never want to associate with socially or professionally.

This way of thinking makes no sense.

First, the only acceptable reason to not want to date someone with kids is because you don't know how to interact with kids or you don't have enough time to spend with them? There are many reasons that people do not want kids - who are you (or anyone) to say if they are good or bad?

Some of the most selfish and self-centered people I know are parents.

Someone knows that they do not want children. By avoiding someone with kids, they are simply saying "Our lifestyles are not compatible". To label that as "selfish" or "self centered" is the same as calling a child "baggage".

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Lamplight

I pretty much can't stand children, so most likely kids would rule out dating a mother. However, it would still depend on what the mother is like and what the kids are like. There's a tiny chance everything would come together and I could get deal with it.

It's been a while since I posted this, and since then I was good friends (not dating) with a mother of a two young children. I was rarely around the kids (see my other post), but I didn't find them particularly annoying, and sometimes they were even cute or funny. But being me, I was still uncomfortable when they were around. I guess it's similar to how some people are terrified of cats for some reason they can't quite explain. Eventually we just sort of drifted apart, because she could never go anywhere or do anything. I'm so used to being single and childless, that whenever I want to do something I just do it. Very little planning is required. I may wake up on a Saturday morning and decide, on the fly, that I want to take a trip to another city for the day. And I can do that any time I want.

But for her to tag along, there had be babysitters arranged, which was next to impossible half the time because she never had enough money to pay them. It almost entirely depended on whether one of her relatives was home and able to watch the kids. Not to mention the fact that at least one of the kids was almost always sick, or had to be taken somewhere or picked up from somewhere, etc. Her lack of freedom was utterly shocking to me. There was no falling out between us, and I still talk to her once in a blue moon, but eventually I stopped bothering to invite her to do things because 95% of the time she couldn't, and the 5% when she could was so troublesome and difficult that it would always delay my plans by not minutes, but hours. Sometimes half a day or more. By the time we got to go anywhere, it would sometimes be so late that I just didn't feel like going anymore because I needed sleep.

[Coolhand68]

I think kids should be a dealbreaker for some...not everyone is cut out to be a step-parent, guardian, or someone you'd even want around your kids. It's better to be up front about this, than to waste a single parents time when all you really want to do is get down their pants or keep things casual.

[punky86]

Not cut out for kids. Would not date a man who has them.

[DrummerBoy]

Yeah, before I got married, kids were always a dealbreaker for me. I know it sounds kinda shallow but, to me, dating a single mom is just, plain and simply, too damn much work. It's hard enough playing the dating game anyway, especially when you're in your 30's and 40's, when it's just the two of you. But throwing kids into the equation put things past that "tipping point" where the payoff wasn't worth the effort expended. Especially when the kids were of what I used to call "The knowing age." You know, over 10 or 11 y.o. or so, when they knew full well that my primary objective--despite how nice to them and suerfluously-interested in their affairs I pretended to be--was to get into mommy's pants.
I dunno, I always felt sorta guilty sitting on the couch with junior playing Tour of Duty 4 while Mom was getting dressed upstairs, while in actuality I was just killing time and counting the minutes till I could take her back to my place and shage her rotten. And he knew it. And I knew he knew. And he knew that I knew he knew.
See? Way too much work.

[QuickStudy178]

Originally Posted by captaincatfish

because I chose to get married, and love my wife, and stay happily married to her, that does NOT mean that those who DON'T choose that path are like gum on the bottom of my shoe...to think that way is utterly ******* absurd, and to me smacks of someone trying to tell someone else what to do and how to live (which is what I'm getting from the post I'm curerently responding to)

Who is stating that "those who DON'T choose that path are like gum on the bottom of my shoe"? Relax, for pete's sake, you're going to burst a blood vessel.

Originally Posted by captaincatfish

Also, newsflash...just because some of us choose NOT to have or raise children (the subject of this poll/thread), does NOT make them selfish, self-centered, or immature... and frankly, what's more, they don't give a flying bag of Russian cow chips about you or anyone else finding said qualities 'undesireable'...who are you, and when did you obtain the authority to pass that kind of judgement on people?

Newsflash......I never said that "those who choose NOT to have or raise children are selfish, self-centered, or immature..."

I was only referring to some of the reasons some posters were giving. That's it, nothing more.

And yes, I am entitled to my opinion, just like you are entitled to yours. That doesn't mean we have to get all riled up, does it?

Originally Posted by captaincatfish

In short, you can sit up there in the Hamptons with a gold-plated banjo, playing 'Polly-Wolly-Doodle All Day' and everything will be fine...but when you come barging into a chat forum like god's long-lost brother Ray-Ray, saying 'see here! You folks that choose not to have kids, and don't say and do things the way I think they should be said and done, are immature selfish spoiled brats!'...well, sorry for your luck, but be prepared for some politically incorrect words in response

ROFLThanks for the laughs. I didn't say what you are saying I said, but it's funny just the same.

[sunshineleith]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

This way of thinking makes no sense.

First, the only acceptable reason to not want to date someone with kids is because you don't know how to interact with kids or you don't have enough time to spend with them? There are many reasons that people do not want kids - who are you (or anyone) to say if they are good or bad?

Some of the most selfish and self-centered people I know are parents.

Someone knows that they do not want children. By avoiding someone with kids, they are simply saying "Our lifestyles are not compatible". To label that as "selfish" or "self centered" is the same as calling a child "baggage".

Totally agree. If something happened to my husband, I would never get involved again with someone who has young children. Been there, done that, no thanks. I think a lot of people that have had the step-parenting experience would agree. Parent and child are a package deal. Right from the getgo, a relationship with someone who has children is a crowded relationship.

[QuickStudy178]

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

First, the only acceptable reason to not want to date someone with kids is because you don't know how to interact with kids or you don't have enough time to spend with them?

Did I ever state "the only acceptable reason to not want to date someone with kids is because you don't know how to interact with kids or you don't have enough time to spend with them?

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

There are many reasons that people do not want kids - who are you (or anyone) to say if they are good or bad?

A person with an opinion, just like you and everybody else here.

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

Some of the most selfish and self-centered people I know are parents.

Some of the most selfish and self-centered people I know are human beings.

Originally Posted by mochamajesty

To label that as "selfish" or "self centered" is the same as calling a child "baggage".

To label a form of behavior "selfish" or "self centered" is a whole lot different than labeling a child "baggage".

[LS Jaun]

I have no problems dating a women who has kids. On the other hand, putting up with teenagers who get in trouble can be taxing. Even kids that get into trouble can be great kids, its just how much can you tolerate?