I'm OBSESSED with a Girl I Can't Have (how to, single, gay)

[pitt_transplant]

If you are having all these problems with anyone liking you I suggest to just work on yourself and forget about what xyz wants. Who do you want to be as a person? I always find people are very drawn to people that know hwat they want and are working for it while taking care of what they look like.

You probably wont find much at bars etc. Anything quality anyway. Take a class, join a charity, make some friends. Friends love to hook up people with people they know. A lot of the people I went out with were from a friend intro.

[mickey2942]

You know, women have probably been coming on to you, and you did not even realize it. A guy with low self esteem don't even realize that a woman who talks to him at random is really trying to start a conversation/interest.

Probably someone has been trying, and you have not even noticed, because your head has been some place else.

[Ticatica]

Definitely don't go out looking. You'll have a desperate feel. Just go out to enjoy an activity you like. You'll be focusing on how good you feel and want to share that with other people male and female. You'll have a new circle of friends, it'll raise your spirits and you'll meet someone new!

[sarahkate_m]

Originally Posted by Centurian

I don't even know where to begin. "Emotional-nightmare" doesn't even begin to describe what I've gone through with this girl.

I met her 2 years ago. She flirted with me once at Starbucks and we went out a few times after that. However, when I told her I liked her and went for the kiss, she said "no," pulled away and said we should just be friends. I was crushed. At the same time, I was hopeful if I just stuck with her, she would change her mind.

We remained "friends" for probably a year and a half. She went through flings and boyfriends and I would wait on the rafters, hoping I was next. But it never came. I became extremely disillusioned and started to distance myself from her; not going to clubs or parties when she invited me, talking to her less when we just happened to be in the same place, not returned a call here or there.

I gave up trying to be her boyfriend, and eventually, she gave up trying to be my friend.

Just a few weeks ago, I deleted her from my Facebook friends list. I felt ashamed for "facebook stalking" her; for looking at her status and pictures and longing for her.

She then sent a message to me asking me why I un-friended her. I explained that I still wanted her, but seeing her and not being able to have her only hurt me. She sent an angry response saying she "hated" me for growing away from her, but I didn't respond.

My area isn't that big or crowded. I still see her from time to time at a bar or a club or a party or even at the mall, supermarket and gas station.

Every time I see her, I still want her, and every negative emotion I ever felt comes back and hits me like a brick wall; frustration; loneliness; inferiority; desire unfulfilled.

When we hung out together, I didn't understand why she didn't want me the same way I wanted her. I felt like there was something wrong with me; that I wasn't tall enough, that I wasn't handsome enough, that I wasn't witty, popular or cool enough.

I'm ashamed of the pleas and overtures I made to her. I feel like she must think I'm insane.

Worst of all, I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm ashamed of all the time and energy I put into trying to win her over and failing. I'm ashamed I allowed myself to become so enamored with 1 girl who really, really wasn't all that special. I'm ashamed that I "facebook stalked" her every time we weren't together in person.

And I'm ashamed that I STILL want her.

How can I forget about her?

Tell yourself to think healthy thoughts. She didn't appreciate you. You were just part of her "collection."

To me, that means that you have merit in her eyes but she isn't really "into" you. If she asked why she was deleted, there was merit in her eyes. So don't feel totally dismissed.

You know if it isn't mutual, it's not worthwhile. It's supposed to be easy!

Hang with the guys for awhile & find some distraction. Or go on a match site & make some potential "real" friends! Dating can be fun if you keep your expectations low key.

She could find out you're dating & ask for another date. You never know til you know. Til then, life's supposed to be a fun mystery!

Stop being so hard on yourself. Think outside your disappointment. Maybe she's stalking... you!

[sarahkate_m]

Originally Posted by pitt_transplant

If you are having all these problems with anyone liking you I suggest to just work on yourself and forget about what xyz wants. Who do you want to be as a person? I always find people are very drawn to people that know hwat they want and are working for it while taking care of what they look like.

You probably wont find much at bars etc. Anything quality anyway. Take a class, join a charity, make some friends. Friends love to hook up people with people they know. A lot of the people I went out with were from a friend intro.

listen to this guy! a common interest is the best avenue. and just take it easy goin' stag for awhile. sometimes girls love a guy who doesn't seem to need anyone... it can be a challenge for a girl.

[Odie]

You say you have invested alot of time into this girl, BUT what has she invested in YOU? Notta. Everyone has give you some really sound advice and I suggest you use it.

[f_m]

Originally Posted by Centurian

I've invested so much into her that I can't help but feel like a return is overdue and coming.

This is not the way to think about things. You can't expect things in return for what you do, otherwise you will go crazy. Do things because you want to, but not because you expect to be paid back. Eventually the people who are good to be around will be the ones who appreciate if you do something for them.

Originally Posted by Centurian

I became determined to meet new girls, but for some reason, it just hasn't been working for me. I don't have the time or the money to go to the gym often. I go to college during the day and work at night, but I'm in good shape (32 waist).

You should probably start to talk to different people at college just to get used to meeting more people, and perhaps something will click as you gain more familiarity with them. Also, you can just work out with calisthenics at home before bed, and maybe some dumb bells you can get used (or the ghetto way, using heavy objects).

[MoonBeam33]

Originally Posted by Centurian

I've invested so much into her that I can't help but feel like a return is overdue and coming.

This is part of your problem right there ^

You didn't "invest" anything into her - you lusted after her and stalked her and pretended to be her friend when really all you wanted was to date her/sleep with her (I'm guessing).

The woman you OBSESS over owes you nothing, nada, zip. You built this up in your head all by yourself. If your attitude is that a woman owes you something because you like her for a certain length of time, you are going to have nothing but problems with women. The only thing we all owe each is decency.

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by Centurian

I don't even know where to begin. "Emotional-nightmare" doesn't even begin to describe what I've gone through with this girl.

I met her 2 years ago. She flirted with me once at Starbucks and we went out a few times after that. However, when I told her I liked her and went for the kiss, she said "no," pulled away and said we should just be friends. I was crushed. At the same time, I was hopeful if I just stuck with her, she would change her mind.

We remained "friends" for probably a year and a half. She went through flings and boyfriends and I would wait on the rafters, hoping I was next. But it never came. I became extremely disillusioned and started to distance myself from her; not going to clubs or parties when she invited me, talking to her less when we just happened to be in the same place, not returned a call here or there.

I gave up trying to be her boyfriend, and eventually, she gave up trying to be my friend.

Just a few weeks ago, I deleted her from my Facebook friends list. I felt ashamed for "facebook stalking" her; for looking at her status and pictures and longing for her.

She then sent a message to me asking me why I un-friended her. I explained that I still wanted her, but seeing her and not being able to have her only hurt me. She sent an angry response saying she "hated" me for growing away from her, but I didn't respond.

My area isn't that big or crowded. I still see her from time to time at a bar or a club or a party or even at the mall, supermarket and gas station.

Every time I see her, I still want her, and every negative emotion I ever felt comes back and hits me like a brick wall; frustration; loneliness; inferiority; desire unfulfilled.

When we hung out together, I didn't understand why she didn't want me the same way I wanted her. I felt like there was something wrong with me; that I wasn't tall enough, that I wasn't handsome enough, that I wasn't witty, popular or cool enough.

I'm ashamed of the pleas and overtures I made to her. I feel like she must think I'm insane.

Worst of all, I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm ashamed of all the time and energy I put into trying to win her over and failing. I'm ashamed I allowed myself to become so enamored with 1 girl who really, really wasn't all that special. I'm ashamed that I "facebook stalked" her every time we weren't together in person.

And I'm ashamed that I STILL want her.

How can I forget about her?

It's not HER that you're obsessed with, it's the feeling she gives you that you feel about yourself. You just need to find someone who makes you feel the same way. You need to start seeing other girls. When I'm out on a date, the girls I sometimes think about letting get away are the LAST THING on my mind. Being alone and sitting on the computer/internet is making things worse.

Get out, do stuff, meet people, or play some mindless videogames. Just stop thinking.

[pitt_transplant]

Originally Posted by sarahkate_m

listen to this guy! A common interest is the best avenue. And just take it easy goin' stag for awhile. Sometimes girls love a guy who doesn't seem to need anyone... It can be a challenge for a girl.

im a girl!