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When are red flags and dealbreakers real, and... when are they either intentionally or unconsciously the reasons we give ourselves for not committing to relationships?
they are real when we have the capacity for honesty within ourselves
they are real when we have the capacity for honesty within ourselves
Yes, of course. Self honesty is the key. But my point is that many people are not honest with themselves or self-aware. So, their subconscious fears of love or commitment incite them to create red flags or deal breakers where there are none, or where there are minor problems that can be resolved.
But my point is that many people are not honest with themselves or self-aware. So, their subconscious fears of love or commitment incite them to create red flags or deal breakers where there are none, or where there are minor problems that can be resolved.
yup, you are correct, excellent observation
we all grow in our own time
can't change anyone else out there, though, only our own self
like attracts like, we can know where we are in our own growth and self-development by looking at the relationships in our lives, with the people surrounding us
Some red flags don't show up till much later in a relationship because people do evolve (or de-evolve in some cases)
At this point in life I think its just best to follow your heart and don't be afraid to commit to anything. Passion is life. Risk is passion. To not take a risk could be cutting you off from "the one" you never knew you wanted or getting to know pieces of yourself that you never knew were there. I think its best to play it like a chess game but do not be afraid to make a move. No one can keep you in check but yourself. Obviously avoiding people that just would be a mortal threat but..normally. Whatever...go for it. You won't die of sadness. Every slice of strife will make you all the more stronger for the future.
I think the operative phrase in your post is "perfect one." Is there really such a thing? I mean, I've known women (And, their male counterparts) whose standards were so high that if Jesus Christ Himself strolled up and asked them out to dinner, they'd turn Him down because they didn't like His clothes and the fact that He hung out with those 12 unkempt guys all the time. I can hear them now:
"Sure, Emmanuel. Yeah, that healing the dead and walking on water is pretty impressive. But what kind of car do you drive? What do you do for a living? You mean you preach? For free? I'm so out of here. I don't care if you are the Son of God. I'm not living in a duplex with your mother. I mean, she keeps yapping on about being a virgin for Christ's sake. Oh, whoops. Sorry about that."
Expecting perfection in others is actually a sign of immaturity, the product of watching way too many Disney movies when one was younger. Everybody has flaws, some small, some big. And, yes, there's an enormous difference between being realistic and settling.
Funny thing. All those women we knew who were uber-selective in their 20s and 30s are now calling my wife and saying, "Hey. So do you know anybody? I mean anybody. If they have a pulse, a job, and don't soil their underwear, I'm totally fine with that."
GAH!!!! I keep trying to give you rep points and it won't let me!
do not ignore any red flag. of course if you are really diligent you will be here with me tonight typing on CDF saturday night live.
My point exactly, my dear Watson.
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