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Old 09-01-2009, 01:08 PM
 
30 posts, read 57,259 times
Reputation: 26

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and just asking where I stand. I've been seeing a girl now over the last month, we've gone out 6 times and each date has gone very well. We've hooked up, but not slept together yet, which I respect. We're both in our late 20's. She's told me how she likes that I treat her well and that she lieks spending time with me (and I believe her, I can tell when a girl is just playing games for the most part), but there's one thing that bothers me:

She never calls me. She'll call me BACK, but she won't initiate contact or ask me what I'm doing. I always call her, and ask her out. Given I'm the guy, I can handle that responsibility, but she will say things like "my rest of the week/weekend is pretty busy, give me a call sunday". So I do call sunday, leave a message, then don't hear from her for like 3-5 days. I like her and I like spending time with her, but I wish I got to see or talk to her more than once a week. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon?

She has hinted at some previous rough relationships and that she's afraid of getting hurt again, but we've all been hurt, and we are dating so both of us are taking a chance at that point.

I guess I'm just thinking of being straight with her next time I talk to her and asking her where I stand. I was thinking of just saying that I'm getting mixed signals from her and I need to know where this is going. This is against every guy's dating rulebook but I just don't want to get too emotionally invested if she's not that into me. I figure 6 dates into it I should have a solid idea by now? I have other girls I've been on date 1 or 2 with that I could pursue farther if it's not going to work, but I'd rather be with this girl if there's a chance.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioSouthern546 View Post
and just asking where I stand. I've been seeing a girl now over the last month, we've gone out 6 times and each date has gone very well. We've hooked up, but not slept together yet, which I respect. We're both in our late 20's. She's told me how she likes that I treat her well and that she lieks spending time with me (and I believe her, I can tell when a girl is just playing games for the most part), but there's one thing that bothers me:

She never calls me. She'll call me BACK, but she won't initiate contact or ask me what I'm doing. I always call her, and ask her out. Given I'm the guy, I can handle that responsibility, but she will say things like "my rest of the week/weekend is pretty busy, give me a call sunday". So I do call sunday, leave a message, then don't hear from her for like 3-5 days. I like her and I like spending time with her, but I wish I got to see or talk to her more than once a week. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon?

She has hinted at some previous rough relationships and that she's afraid of getting hurt again, but we've all been hurt, and we are dating so both of us are taking a chance at that point.

I guess I'm just thinking of being straight with her next time I talk to her and asking her where I stand. I was thinking of just saying that I'm getting mixed signals from her and I need to know where this is going. This is against every guy's dating rulebook but I just don't want to get too emotionally invested if she's not that into me. I figure 6 dates into it I should have a solid idea by now? I have other girls I've been on date 1 or 2 with that I could pursue farther if it's not going to work, but I'd rather be with this girl if there's a chance.
The sooner you ask, the sooner you'll know how to proceed It's called communication, give it a try Just don't sound accusatory or controlling.

Seriously, this could just be her way of protecting herself after being badly hurt in the past, but it would be better to know.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:13 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,567,744 times
Reputation: 26727
I see nothing wrong with bringing up the subject as long as you do it relatively lightly and with no big pressuring tactics! Communication (or lack of) is the biggest problem between men and women and I'd encourage anyone to be as direct as possible where that's concerned. Good luck!
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:14 PM
 
2,002 posts, read 4,576,102 times
Reputation: 1772
Try telling her to call you next time, be patient and see how long that takes. If it's a long time, ask her about the possibility of seeing each other more frequently.

I don't know. If I'd like someone I'd be happy to spend time with him, even if just involves having coffee and talking.

Good luck.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,977,689 times
Reputation: 1405
I'm with you, my friend!
Normally, I'd say let things play out. But since the dates went well, move forward. Tell her you'd like it if she called more often. As a woman, I often don't know if I should call or not.

From your post, I can see that you are not the demanding type. You seem to be a gentleman. Tell her how you feel and that you'd like to see her and talk to her more.
Best wishes.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:19 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,136,977 times
Reputation: 27236
I always encourage communication and you come across as the type of person who would be very tactful about it.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:22 PM
 
Location: New England
914 posts, read 1,803,986 times
Reputation: 928
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioSouthern546 View Post
and just asking where I stand. I've been seeing a girl now over the last month, we've gone out 6 times and each date has gone very well. We've hooked up, but not slept together yet, which I respect. We're both in our late 20's. She's told me how she likes that I treat her well and that she lieks spending time with me (and I believe her, I can tell when a girl is just playing games for the most part), but there's one thing that bothers me:

She never calls me. She'll call me BACK, but she won't initiate contact or ask me what I'm doing. I always call her, and ask her out. Given I'm the guy, I can handle that responsibility, but she will say things like "my rest of the week/weekend is pretty busy, give me a call sunday". So I do call sunday, leave a message, then don't hear from her for like 3-5 days. I like her and I like spending time with her, but I wish I got to see or talk to her more than once a week. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon?

She has hinted at some previous rough relationships and that she's afraid of getting hurt again, but we've all been hurt, and we are dating so both of us are taking a chance at that point.

I guess I'm just thinking of being straight with her next time I talk to her and asking her where I stand. I was thinking of just saying that I'm getting mixed signals from her and I need to know where this is going. This is against every guy's dating rulebook but I just don't want to get too emotionally invested if she's not that into me. I figure 6 dates into it I should have a solid idea by now? I have other girls I've been on date 1 or 2 with that I could pursue farther if it's not going to work, but I'd rather be with this girl if there's a chance.

Okay, lets say i'm the girl and you called me out on that. I'd call you high maintenance and be totally turned off. This has happened to me before too and its awful and really unattractive. Why don't you let her take her time until she's comfortable in making the moves. If anything, your feelings towards her is not mutual.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:23 PM
 
30 posts, read 57,259 times
Reputation: 26
Thanks for the kind advice. How do I go about wording this conversation? It seems like it's a situation where I'd have to choose my words carefully about how I say them or how I ask the questions. I was thinking of just telling her that I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and that I just want to know where this is going. That probably sounds terrible to say, anyone that can help with wording this conversation would be a huge help.
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:23 PM
 
1,858 posts, read 3,543,483 times
Reputation: 1183
i agree with you...she should call you sometimes
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Old 09-01-2009, 01:27 PM
YAZ
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,701 posts, read 14,048,564 times
Reputation: 7038
I wouldn't even bring it up.

It's only been a month, and you're far from anything serious or long term.

Take your time and court her.

Just make sure you call before Friday to ask her for a date......
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