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Old 09-05-2009, 06:30 PM
Location: Not where you ever lived
11,544 posts, read 25,912,092 times
Reputation: 6240


What's wrong with the picture is it is wholly one sided. It reminds me of a little boy in a candy store that wants every piece of candy he sees -- and thinks he deserves it because he's a big boy all of three years old. Casual sex does NOT a friendship make.

It sounds to me like the OP is young, inexperienced and scared of a relationship. If he hooks up with a lady of the night she may leave him a 'gift' that lasts a lifetime.

Old 09-05-2009, 06:31 PM
1,809 posts, read 3,101,707 times
Reputation: 1989
Originally Posted by RobE View Post
But that then sets up a misandrist paradigm that Andrea Dworkin would approve of: that all men are victimizers due to the fact that we are little more than beasts unable to either control ourselves or to treat the fairer sex with love and respect.

Not being a self-hating male, I can't buy into that paradigm. Sorry. Now off to your women's struggle meeting!
Are you deliberately misunderstanding me? I haven't even blamed males for the situation. I think women are perfectly capable of making their own choices. I also think many of them are the wrong ones, including trying to convince themselves that casual sex is just fine for them, just because it's so liberated and fashionable. I've also said there are exceptions and women who do enjoy it and good for them. And leave the misandrist ghost aside, you're talking to the wrong woman. Prejudice, how sad...
Old 09-05-2009, 07:54 PM
3,440 posts, read 7,211,987 times
Reputation: 2387
Originally Posted by Centurian View Post
I want everyone here who thinks it is to explain here instead of pollute my other thread.

Why is it wrong to want to hook up and meet girls?

Why is "sleazy?"

Why is it "disrespectful" towards women?

Why is it "using" them?

First of all, nobody "polluted" your thread, people just told you the reality of the situation which you did not want to hear, which will happen on a PUBLIC forum.

In regards to your questions, I'm not making a case of right or wrong but I'm pleading a case for the problems that come along with that lifestyle!

Out of my life experience
, being a nephew to a real 70's player, and an athlete, (athletes tend to sleep around) I find that indiscriminate sex with random people leads to unwanted pregnancy's, STD's, broken hearts/fights, and even death due to other competing males she failed to disclose she was dealing with.

So even though it's fun,(for a while) it's just a dead end road to fool around multiple women and you are really better off simply dating one girl at a time or none at all until you get your own place/home.

Now, in other cultures, like in Africa, the men have multiple wives/women but there culture is set up for that particular arrangement where as the whole community is involved with the child rearing process. However, here in the states, there is no community for the child and if you chose to avoid the responsibility your wages will be garnished. Sex, and the possibility of having a child should always go together and it's immature thinking to think otherwise.

Originally Posted by Centurian View Post
Isn't it still possible to meet girls, hook up and still respect them and be friends with them?

As far as this, out of what I have seen, the more the guys slept around, the less respect I saw that they had for women. After a while they just stopped caring and then they resorted to calling girls b%%% and ho's and just started to treat them like sex objects irrespective of the fact that they came out of the very thing they are trying to get into all the time!

To digress, everyday regular girls now now call each other bi%%s and ho's like it's a prestigious title and people attend pimp and Ho party's which glamorizes the mean streets (that I have seen on FIG ST in L.A) where run away girls sell there body's, die from STD, are raped, or wind up strung out on drugs.
Old 09-05-2009, 08:11 PM
11,678 posts, read 14,367,559 times
Reputation: 19062
What you do with your body parts is your business. If you are open and honest with your partner about your intentions, then go right ahead and do your thing.

I'm not going to waste my time telling you that you're wrong - Mostly because that would make me a hypocrite. hehee. But also because you are going to do what you want to do anyways.

Just be prepared for the consequences when they come - and they will.
Old 09-05-2009, 08:16 PM
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 10,175,109 times
Reputation: 3800
There is nothing wrong with it! Use protection though. Sometimes you just need to bang somebody and not have to put up with their crap...that is why I have a husband
Old 09-05-2009, 08:53 PM
Location: Forests of Maine
30,630 posts, read 49,275,273 times
Reputation: 19009
Originally Posted by Centurian
I want everyone here who thinks it is to explain here instead of pollute my other thread.

Why is it wrong to want to hook up and meet girls?

Why is "sleazy?"

Why is it "disrespectful" towards women?

Why is it "using" them?

Isn't it still possible to meet girls, hook up and still respect them and be friends with them?

Please provide a non-hyper religious answer.

It is not about the 'casual'.

It is wrong to want to hook up and meet girls, because your motive is to have sex, which makes you a pervert [in their way of thinking].

It is "sleazy" because your motives are driven by being a pervert.

It is "disrespectful" because it places females into a category of fulfilling your dirty filthy lusts.

It is "using" them, because you are not seeking female companionship as equals for conversation and betterment. You are seeking them for your own private filthy motives.

These answers I have given do not represent an attitude that I natively held. Rather after nearly 30 years of marriage, this is the attitude of females of which I have been subjected to. My In-laws are mostly feminists, you see.

I was like you in my outlook.

How ever marriage changes things.

Face it, as a guy, you are a dog. You are a pervert. You have desires, and those desires act on your brain.

Which makes you view females as objects.

If you ever wish to have a peaceful existence with a female, learn to be celibate. It seems to be the only way to please them.
Old 09-05-2009, 09:48 PM
Location: The Mango Tree
2,115 posts, read 4,501,486 times
Reputation: 2639
Okay, here are my thoughts. Do they apply to everyone? No. Is there a good chance that I'm spouting a bunch of unintelligible thoughts? Yes. However, I'm going to put them out there anyways. This might be long, stick with me here.

Please keep in mind while reading this that when I am talking about sex in this context, I am not talking about relationships or genuine feelings of like/love. I am referring to sex in the spectrum of hooking up.

If somebody - whether it be male or female - JUST wanted to get off, then there's an outlet for that. Masturbation.

However, sex involves another person - a person with motives, thoughts, and feelings. That throws in a whole completely new component.

Having consensual sex with another person IS a confidence boost (unless the sex makes you feel used or degraded... that's a different tangent though).

People who are promiscuous - guys and girls - are in it for more than sex. It often, though not always, correlate with self-esteem.

1. A person has CHOSEN to have sex with you. This is an instant confidence boost. You've been picked to participate in an intimate (there's no argument about this, getting naked and banging body parts together is intimate) activity with someone - an activity that requires a certain degree of selectivity. Yes, there are people out there that will have sex with practically anyone but most people have sex with guys/girls they are actively attracted to (notwithstanding alcohol and drunkenness. . . that is a completely different topic).

2. If this sexual partner is of a certain status (very popular, powerful, and/or good looking) then that skyrockets your self-esteem and possibly your image. This goes back to the idea of being chosen. Obviously, people who have much to offer - whether the currency is looks or status - have a variety of options as well. He/she has chosen you out of many.

3. Why do guys sleep around?
It's a combination of image and pure pleasure. The pleasure part is simple to understand. People enjoy the pleasure of sex. The image concept is a little deeper. Many guys (typically younger ones) will place a certain amount of their self-worth on their status/image - or manliness, for lack of a better word. This goes back to the self-esteem idea. If a guy is able to have sex with a variety of women, he obviously possesses the necessary attributes needed to succeed sexually with girls (Note: This depends on the quality of girls. A girl who sleeps around with almost anyone will not give a guy as much credit as the girl who is more selective. Remember, I'm not talking about personalities or relationships or anything of that sort. I'm strictly talking sex). Some guys hold the ability to have lots of casual sex with lots of girls as their credo for being a man. It is seen as a sign of power and status.

4. Why do girls sleep around?
There is the pleasure aspect, no doubt. Also, some girls do it as an assertive statement of how women can be just like men and participate in no-strings, no-emotions sex. Is that possible? Yes, but only if you see sex as a basic physical act used to fix physical needs and nothing else (this goes for guys too). The two main issues that propel girls to be promiscuous is a.) self-esteem and b.) round about peer pressure.

I'm sure you guys are tired of the word, self-esteem. Damn, I'm tired of typing it! It fits though. Okay, here comes some more numbering lol.

1. A girl might sleep around because she sees a guy having sex with her as a confirmation of her self-worth/physical attractiveness/ability of interacting successfully with the opposite sex. This correlates with the ideology of "If he wants to have sex with me, then he likes me."

2. A girl might sleep around because she feels its the normal thing to do. Go to a party, get drunk, flirt with guys, and end the night with hooking up with one of them. Everyone else seems okay with it so she thinks she should be too.

3. There's also the ego part aka "I do it because I can."

To wrap this up, many people don't agree with casual sex because sex involves two people (maybe more lol) who have feelings and sex often leads to those feelings getting sent into a tailspin for at least one of the parties involved. Besides, walking up to someone and clearly stating that you only want to have sex with them - and that's it - wouldn't work well on most girls. It takes away the anticipation and whole realm of possibilities that accompany becoming romantic with someone.

I wanted to add that sometimes girls will casually sleep with guys they don't see a future or relationship with if he's a.) attractive enough or b.) the timing is right (usually involves alcohol). Examples: The really hot guy who's rather boring to talk to or the big party where you're in a spontaneous, wild mood and a somewhat appealing guy starts talking you up. Now, this IS thinking like a guy because let's face it - many guys have this mindset.

Okay, I'm done with my novel! For all those that actually read this entire post, may someone leave delicious, freshly-made cookies on your doorstep.
Old 09-05-2009, 10:24 PM
1,985 posts, read 4,836,666 times
Reputation: 2408
Originally Posted by forest beekeeper View Post
.....Face it, as a guy, you are a dog. You are a pervert. You have desires, and those desires act on your brain.
True, but on her Birthday and during the Holidays, I do my best to overcome my natural instincts...........until the sun goes down.
Old 09-06-2009, 12:15 AM
2,141 posts, read 7,161,676 times
Reputation: 1251
Originally Posted by OMGosh Josh View Post
You need explain what you mean by "hook up and meet girls.' If making friends is all you're doing, that's one thing. If you're just trying to get some, that's a little pathetic.

It's sleezy because all you're concerned with is making sure you get some.

It's disrespectful to women because you're basically treating the woman as nothing but a way to get off. Using her to get physical, lustful pleasure and nothing more.

It's using them for the reasons I just listed. You're using them for your own sexual urges.

And your last question all comes down to what I said at the beginning. What's your definition of "hooking up and meeting girls"?

Of course it's possible to meet girls, make friends with them and respect them, but if your main goal is to make sure you're getting your jollies, then no, you're not respecting them.
As a woman in her 40's, I completely disagree with the respect aspects of your post. Sometimes people just want to have sex. That includes women. Not all women expect that every sexual encounter is going to turn into some Disney fairy tale relationship, or any sort of relationship. When I was single and in my 20's, I had sex with guys that I would not even necessarily want a relationship with. They may have been dumber than a "box of rocks" but they were really, really good looking. Or maybe they were smart, funny and cute, but lived 80 miles away. Whatever the case may be, I never felt "used" or worried about whether or not these men respected me because these men were nothing to me other than a sexual partner. It's important to me that people who are significant in my life respect me but I could not care less about some man I will never see again and whether or not he respects me. Why bother? We both got what we wanted. Spontaneous and passionate sex. Nothing wrong with it between unmarried adults. Sometimes people go after what they want in life and if it doesn't hurt anyone else, you have to respect that.
Old 09-06-2009, 12:17 AM
434 posts, read 777,536 times
Reputation: 234
There is nothing wrong with you at all. If you hook up with these women and actually have sex that means that they wanted it too. So if you are a sleezbag what does that make the women?
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