how often do I have to hang out with in-laws I can't stand? (father, husband)
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I know as a married woman, I need to see his family on a regular basis but what if they annoy me? How often do I have to spend time with them? What if they only live 10 minutes away?
As an adult you should be the person who decides how you spend your time. I would suggest spending enough time not to make it obvious that you are avoiding them unless they get really nasty and then you don't have to go to their home at all. You will just be stuck with them when they come to see you unless you have other plans that day.
What is it about them that you don't like? How do your in-laws feel about you? And is it your husband that is initiating the get togethers? And how long have you been married?
And where is your family located? How often do the two of you see them?
It seems to me that as long as you don't miss his company, let your husband visit his family as often as he wants to. Meanwhile, you stay at home or go out with your own friends. I feel that you should have to only see them as often as your husband goes with you to see your family. And them living only ten minutes away, it's a good idea to set some ground rules for how often you visit them. Once a month would be civilized, and of course let it be known that you've been busy doing things you like to do, not sitting by yourself at home avoiding their company.
What is it about them that you don't like? How do your in-laws feel about you? And is it your husband that is initiating the get togethers? And how long have you been married?
And where is your family located? How often do the two of you see them?
It seems to me that as long as you don't miss his company, let your husband visit his family as often as he wants to. Meanwhile, you stay at home or go out with your own friends. I feel that you should have to only see them as often as your husband goes with you to see your family. And them living only ten minutes away, it's a good idea to set some ground rules for how often you visit them. Once a month would be civilized, and of course let it be known that you've been busy doing things you like to do, not sitting by yourself at home avoiding their company.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, between dating and marriage. Interactions with the in-laws are civil. I think they like me, especially because I keep my mouth shut and don't make any waves. They annoy me because they are self-absorbed, arrogant, and talk about things I could care less about. My FIL is probably a narcissist. I can tolerate them once a month for the sake of my husband and my kids but sometimes they host gatherings 3-4 times a month for one reason or another and it takes up a huge chunk of time. Between work, kids, friends, maintaining a home, etc, I resent the demands they place on our time. They also expect you to be at these gatherings but they don't make an effort to spend time with our kids, go to their school concerts, soccer games, etc. My parents live out of state and we only get to see them 4-5 times a year so it's hard. My husband knows my feelings but he won't discuss it with his parents. His father is somewhat of an SOB, very volatile and intimidating. My MIL is nice but she is at my FIL's beckon call. They rarely babysit or help out with the kids so it's not like I feel I owe them anything.
A couple of summers ago I put my foot down and limited our interactions to once a month which resulted in my FIL calling my husband and screaming at him like a lunatic. My husband handled it very well and calmly told him he would be happy to dicuss it with him when he calmed down. The next day, he went to their house and explained that we will try to see them when we can but we have our own lives to live and they need to respect that. My FIL was still irrational but I think my MIL got the drift. Now it seems back to the old ways. We have tried making it a point that they can spend more time with us and the kids if they want to see us (i.e., going to their school activities, spending time with us at the zoo on the weekend) but they never follow through. It just gets to be hard because they only want to see us on their terms, on their territory. Their home is not super kid friendly and they barely give us the time of day when we're there so I feel like why bother? My husband has a large family and everyone always shows up at everything so I feel pressure.
Nah.....You should not have to feel any pressure what-so-ever! You married their son. Not them. If they make you feel uncomfortable, then don`t go. I would just worry about going if you HAVE to go, like, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Any other functions they have going on, meh. We`re busy!
You visiting them once a month seems more than adequate imo. Even just for major holidays would be alright too. You aren't required to pay court to his FIL. And of course, your husband can visit them on his own more often.
I am so with you on the lack of desire to spend time with inlaws. My inlaws live like 2 hours away, and I do not spend a lot of time with them thankfully. I am stuck with holidays etc... (entirely different rant). Thankfully my husband has finally started to spend time with his family and leave me at home where I belong. I see it as only fair, my family lives in the same town as we do, I make a point to visit mine every week, sometimes I see them more than that.
We live like 2 miles from my parents' house, and my husband has not been to my parents' house since FEBRUARY. I figure, if he has no time for my family, I should not have time for his.
In laws can be a tried time to some....for sure! Whew!!
Yeah...we visit his Mama often, and I call her alot, so thats enough, I reckon. Thats just the way his family rolls, and thats fine.
I try to get them together for the Holidays, and will continue to try....but, thats just me.
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Whew!!
