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Old 09-07-2009, 11:41 AM
 
691 posts, read 1,379,650 times
Reputation: 728

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Crazy. No one should even be thinking about a "relationship" with someone you met for dinner. And then, go to Weight Watchers (Hello, he can go by himself), and gym in the same week?!

You don't need to be this guy's nanny. This relationship already sounds co-dependent, in the first week.

Normal, go out to dinner, call the guy, chat about stuff, maybe, make plans for a week or two to do something like a movie, or rollerblade.

Even if this is the greatest guy in the world, and you are ready for everything, Too much, too fast, keep space and boundaries. Go out with some other people, do other things.
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Old 09-07-2009, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,688,448 times
Reputation: 3631
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
Good god, JeepGirl,

Why don't you date an alcoholic instead and then you can go to AA meetings with him? Maybe you can date a married man and you can counsel him through his impending separation and divorce?

Already you are putting pressure on this man to CHANGE. If you don't like what you see, date someone else. But we all have to learn the hard way, I guess, so good luck to you with this one.

W.

If his losing weight was all her idea, I would agree with you. I know it's a long thread to read through but he has expressed an interest in losing and had already started prior to meeting her. She's simply being supportive of his goal.
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Old 09-07-2009, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,924 posts, read 9,192,794 times
Reputation: 9018
Way to go, JeepGirl!

I've always enjoyed your posts, but my esteem for you has soared with this thread. It's so nice to see you look past this guy's weight problem and appreciate his other virtues.

I'm heavy too, but I've never had problems keeping up with my wife nor my late wife at ANYTHING. You might be surprised once you get to know this guy a little better.

My late wife was a little concerned about my weight from a health standpoint. She cooked healthy meals and encouraged me to lose weight and I did, quite naturally. She exercised daily and invited me to join her. I declined. (I got my exercise in other ways.)

She was the model of a healthy 50-year-old -- ate healthy foods, exercised regularly, maintained a proper weight (125), etc., etc. And then she died suddenly at 51 when an aneurism burst in her brain. We just never know.

I hope it goes well with this guy. He sounds like a keeper. Please keep us informed.
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Old 09-07-2009, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 6,421,367 times
Reputation: 3661
Quote:
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
Good god, JeepGirl,

Why don't you date an alcoholic instead and then you can go to AA meetings with him? Maybe you can date a married man and you can counsel him through his impending separation and divorce?

Already you are putting pressure on this man to CHANGE. If you don't like what you see, date someone else. But we all have to learn the hard way, I guess, so good luck to you with this one.

W.
Wow good call woof. One date and you are going to meetings with him Oh BTW the winkie Doodle is called a penis for future reference in case it comes "up"
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Old 09-07-2009, 06:37 PM
 
10,464 posts, read 7,544,341 times
Reputation: 15515
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Since the basic attraction is there - (and I mean it when I say that when or if he loses weight, he will be a real looker) - there is chemistry there mentally and it's generally there physically (just not enough to sleep with him at this point). . and when/if he loses weight, there will be more physically. You know what I mean. .

Question #1. . .

So since I am able to hold out on having sex with a guy, would it be wrong if I continued to date this guy and just held out a wee bit longer than I normally would whereas sex is concerned? Or am I just being a total idiot in thinking that? I feel like such a douche bag for even saying/thinking that.

Now question #2.

How do I word this. I do not want to make it sound disrespectful to him . .because I am not being that way.

If you were the onlooker seeing my being with such a grossly obese man, would it make it appear that I am dating much less than I am capable? We are not talking about a man who has a few pounds to lose - we're not talking about a belly. He is *obese.* But like I said - this guy is an amazing man - but as an onlooker, you do not know that, you do not see that. I need to know your thoughts if YOU were to see an in-shape attractive woman out with an obese man. I am not a shallow woman - but naturally, this is somewhat a concern. Am I putting some sort of respectability (if that's the right word) of my own on the line? What were people thinking when they kept looking? Put yourself in their position - what would YOU be thinking?
I'm not going to read through a gazillion responses, so forgive if I repeat what someone else says..

I bolded the most reprehensible things I read (imo, of course). You are obviously very concerned about his weight - but I don't think it's because of his health or future - it seems that you are more concerned with how it will make you look.

(I think) If you are so incredibly worried about what other people will think of you for dating this man, you need to do him a favor and let him find someone who will love him without public opinion having to be factored in.

I realize that you are trying to handle the situation with care, but there's no way around it. You are basing a relationship on the possibility that he will lose weight. If you aren't willing to accept him as is and love him - even if he gains weight back - then it's time to cut and go.
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Old 09-07-2009, 08:01 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
22,542 posts, read 27,184,127 times
Reputation: 23101
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I'm not going to read through a gazillion responses, so forgive if I repeat what someone else says..
Why can't you be bothered to read them? It would have saved you the time you spent being repetitive and saved me the time of reading it.
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Old 09-07-2009, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,688,448 times
Reputation: 3631
I can understand not wanting read 14 pages but at least read the first two and last two.

If you did, you would have found out how happy she is about a great guy she is dating in spite of his weight.
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Old 09-07-2009, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,058,337 times
Reputation: 9109
IMO, you spent way too much time noticing others noticing--or thinking they were--and now, too much time worrying about what others will think. The important thing is, what do you think? (And yes, I saw what you said about paying attention to your date--I read the entire post. )
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Old 09-07-2009, 09:19 PM
 
10,464 posts, read 7,544,341 times
Reputation: 15515
Ha! I actually did go back and read the majority of the thread after I posted because it did occur to me that she might have ended it or whatever.

My post stands as is though. Subsequent replies from Jeep that I read still seem to want to change the poor guy. If you're going into something with conditions - as in, he'll be a looker when he loses weight - then that's a problem.

I don't know the guy, but chances are he would promise to do most anything to get her to stick around. She's a pretty woman and, as she said, he's only had a couple of dates in the last 5 years (something like that).

If this guy were 200 pounds there wouldn't be a discussion about him losing weight and whether or not Jeep thinks people are staring at them because she is "dating less than [she's] capable" of. What a horrible thing to say. I bet you wouldn't say that about someone who's a different race or a person with a disability.
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Old 09-07-2009, 11:33 PM
 
584 posts, read 1,355,164 times
Reputation: 660
You're committing a lot of support to this man without any true confirmation of lasting chemistry. And all this after one date and follow-up phone call.

Slow down!
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