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Hi,
This is sort of a philosophical question, of sorts.
I moved to Philadelphia 10 years ago, so that my partner could complete her phD; I moved from Ohio.
She got her phD, but, in the mean time, we fell apart...she moved down south, and I am still here.
Everywhere I go reminds me of our relationship; places we shopped, museums we visited...it makes it hard to be happy at times.
I have had various forms of advice from friends; some think, this is your chance to reinvent yourself and move away; others think, maybe you can make Philadelphia a new place for you. Still others are keen on me moving in with them.
My instincts are to move, relocate...because I moved after college, and moved for someone else, I never got a chance to follow my dreams.
I am 31, and have a degree in information systems and library science; I study design currently.
Essentially, I feel like I am spinning my wheels here, not inspired, not happy...it is expensive to live here, my salary is not great...it feels like time to make a move.
Has anyone done this that could offer advice, or has someone has made a place new?
Sorry that that happened to you. I am 27 and never had a situation like yours (been single my whole life). However, I think it would be wise to make a move, if you have nothing to lose there. Making your current home area feel new again will definitely take some time; probably years.
Information Security Manager, Syracuse, NY (http://www.healthecareers.com/healthcare-it/job/information-security-manager/1283914?type=partner&source=indeedppc&utm_source=I ndeed&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Indeed - broken link)
Dear Math,
Years ago I moved to a city I did not like for my husband. When we divorced, I did some grad work, and chose one of several job offers and got the heck out of there, never looked back. Of course, Philly is a neat city. But with the reminders, and plus you never PICKED the place, I should think that would all overrule an effort to stay.
So, to figure out where, let me tell you something. I am in a position where husband and I can no longer move, I'm older and it takes two to like the same place enough to stand up to something like that. But what I'd give to have the opportunity you have. Your job outlook is good, what with your several interests and abilities, so that's not quite as important a guide to moving somewhere. That means anyplace you've ever dreamed about, some region of the country you'd love to be, will it be the ocean or the mountains or the West, or will it be the fame of a city, or a small town in the South, or THE place where everybody seems to be going. It's all a matter of what you just plain like and think you'd feel comfortable or happy in.
I wanted desperately to move to Charleston SC. I'm originally from coastal regions in the South, and husband and I have had some exceedingly nice visits to that historic city, beaches are within minutes, just a great place to spend time, good weather, and we'd walk right out of the Mills House Hotel and within seconds we'd be sitting on a wrought-iron bench in a nice little park with a fountain. It's on a river, so we could wander thru curvy brick streets, past very old houses, and stand out on a huge pier and just watch the sailboats skip over the wavy current. I could go on and on. I really love that place. So I wanted to live there, so i could maybe bike to the beaches, you know. There was an island I focused on, it was really affordable, and I loved some real estate sites where I could literally stand on the street in front of my chosen ideal of a home in numerous neighborhoods, and not just on that island, but everywhere around the city. It has a kind of New Orleans flavor, live oaks with moss...
If you can find a place that you love as much as I'm describing how I love that place, then visit there. You might want to visit several places before you decide. If you're used to the North, could be you'd like Baltimore, they've redone the harbor so it's quite the gathering place. If you're used to river living and the central U.S., I suppose anywhere near the Mississippi might be attractive. Texas has a lot of attention these days somehow. Seattle at one time was THE place to live, but maybe others can tell you where the latest THE place is. If you want beautiful weather all year around, well, Southern California is the place to be, but it's expensive, really enormous cities. San Francisco has always attracted me, I'd want to live in an older house turned into condos or townhomes and live near the wharf so I could eat all the seafood. Parts of the Gulf have beautiful sands and nice smallish towns. D.C. might be interesting to check out.
I do think one of the things you have to put high on the list of how to choose is housing. Neighborhoods are everything in living somewhere! If you pick a great city but live in a neighborhood that simply is not "you," well, nothing will make that right except to move all over again, which seems a waste to move from one street in a town to another. Also, cost of homes, be it rental or especially buying, really is a big factor in where you can go. I remember getting all fascinated by the river canals in San Antonio, until I actually saw the streets nearby and wow it was just too huge of a town for me, altho I've lived in very large cities.
And you want to live where singles live, like in the town where I live now, when I first came here in my 30s, the historic district was THE place to live, I fell into it by good fortune, and my neighbors became very good friends to me, and thru them I joined up with an acting troupe for fun, and it was easy to ride my bike into town, I became a member of a dinner group. If I had ended up living in some other part of town, I might not have liked it anywhere near as much. Well, those would be my ideas on the situation. I hope you can start to narrow down where to go, and get ready to do some visiting. I envy you. GG
Sorry for your loss. In my experience, moving to escape problems doesn't work as you will take your broken heart with you. Moving because your current city and situation are not a good fit for you however, is a good reason. My advice is to draw up a list of what you are looking for in terms of career, salary, local amenities, social lifestyle and other things important to you. With that in front of you, you can decide if you can find what you want where you are now or whether you truly need to move to fulfill your dreams. Once you begin investing your time and energy looking forward to that new life you have designed for yourself, you will find yourself spending less time dwelling on what you once had.
I plan to move sometime after my divorice is final. We were married 10 years and we covered this town from top to bottom. I don't wish to be reminded of that nor do I care to run into the ex. It's not that I'm running away from my problems. What problems? Why stay in a place where you did stuff with her just to be reminded about it? This town isn't very big and I only stayed here for her I hate this place. I don't see it as running I see it has starting your own life over & making your own friends in a new place. Besides how do you know your ex hasn't started some rumors about you that makes you un-dateable?
Accept the challenge and do it. Find a new job in a place you pick and go. As long as you are willing to maintain a good attitude and remain open to new experiences, you will be great!
In the process, you will most likely finally get over the EX and make some great new friends. People who never knew you as part of a couple. And couples tend to be friendly with other couples. You need to meet single people with time to do things.
It's a big world out there. Explore it and do new things!
OP, I'm in a sort of similar situation. I went through a divorce and for the past year I've been feeling like I need to start the new chapter of my life somewhere else. I have already decided where (Charlotte, NC) and I have spent a lot of time researching about that place and applying for jobs. I am visiting next month to network, compare differente neigborhoods, and hopefully I'd be able to schedule a few interviews.
My desire to move from New England started since I was married, but the moved never happened because my ex changed his mind every year. Now that he's not longer in my life, nothing is stopping me. I just neet a job and I will be moved in a few days.
I believe life is too short to spend it in a place where you are unhappy. You are still young, and from your post I'd assume you have nothing holding you back in Philly. This is your time to do a 180 . Sit down and make a list of all the things you'd like in a place (that's what I did), check if your line of work is in demand, etc. I wish you the very best in writing your life's next chapter!
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Thanks
Why stay in a place where you did stuff with her just to be reminded about it? This town isn't very big and I only stayed here for her I hate this place. I don't see it as running I see it has starting your own life over & making your own friends in a new place. Besides how do you know your ex hasn't started some rumors about you that makes you un-dateable?
