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Old 09-09-2009, 03:53 PM
 
4,250 posts, read 10,437,278 times
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I'd say it's time to move on and get a divorce, no matter how painful. If you are this young and having these issues, children and time will only make matters worse.
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Old 09-09-2009, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 3,782,678 times
Reputation: 907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh_GW View Post
I have been married for two years, and have slowly fallen into a pit that is taking a toll on my health. My wife and I fight quite regularly, on average when we are together I would say at least 4 to 5 days a week. These fights do range in aggressiveness, but every fight is quite heated. We are always up in one anothers faces and there is such visible potential for physical violence. My wife has punched me while driving the car, and I have grabbed her and held her in a rage. I know this sounds terrible, and I know it is. I saw so many red lights prior to this that I felt would lead to this, and its slowly coming to pass. I dont want to end up doing something to really hurt one another ( such as hitting her or infidelity-- not saying their is potential for that right now, but in bad marriages as I see now, nothing is out of the picture ). My greatest fear is that I physically hurt her as she has hit me before and in my anger I feel so much rage. I have been very ill about 6 times in a year, 3 times in hospital from stress ( one illness lasting 2 months). I cant take another year like this. We are young, I am about to finish my degree but know that I cant do another year like we have had in the past. I can feel great differences in my physically health ( practically no immune system-get sick very easily) mental health ( I cant think on a lvl that I used to, very exhausted ) and emotionally. I feel I need to remove myself, but she doesnt want me to leave. She falls down and tells me how it will kill her, how she loves me and will always love me, all these things that I think should solidify a relationship. The only problem is things like this have happened before and nothing changes, two years of constant fighting has almost destroyed my faith in each other. When she says those things I dont want to leave her....it confuses me, its up and down up and down. As a university student (26 yrs old ), I am not in the greatest financial bracket, and we cant afford professional help. We have seen a pastor once, but he did not believe in divorce, and since she was crying and telling him she loved me, he questioned my ability to love and why I would want to leave, even though I pretty much explained to him what was going on ( health wise, fighting, potential for physical violence etc.) I used to be a Christian but have lost my faith, she is a christian and that poses a problem also. I am so lost and alone. I saw what was going on, I ignored what I saw, and now were are here. I dont like what I see right now, I am terrified for the future, and cant live a life like this...I cant live with myself if I do something like abuse or cheating ( even though I feel the verbal abuse is already there ). I cant carry on in a normal life, I feel like a shell, I pretty much have to drop out of this year of school ( its just started ) because this continues to worsen. Any help or advice, please.
Get out now, before you have children. They dont need to be involved in this toxic relationship.
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Old 09-09-2009, 03:54 PM
 
1,008 posts, read 2,076,574 times
Reputation: 793
Quote:
Originally Posted by Josh_GW View Post
I have been married for two years, and have slowly fallen into a pit that is taking a toll on my health. My wife and I fight quite regularly, on average when we are together I would say at least 4 to 5 days a week. These fights do range in aggressiveness, but every fight is quite heated. We are always up in one anothers faces and there is such visible potential for physical violence. My wife has punched me while driving the car, and I have grabbed her and held her in a rage. I know this sounds terrible, and I know it is. I saw so many red lights prior to this that I felt would lead to this, and its slowly coming to pass. I dont want to end up doing something to really hurt one another ( such as hitting her or infidelity-- not saying their is potential for that right now, but in bad marriages as I see now, nothing is out of the picture ). My greatest fear is that I physically hurt her as she has hit me before and in my anger I feel so much rage. I have been very ill about 6 times in a year, 3 times in hospital from stress ( one illness lasting 2 months). I cant take another year like this. We are young, I am about to finish my degree but know that I cant do another year like we have had in the past. I can feel great differences in my physically health ( practically no immune system-get sick very easily) mental health ( I cant think on a lvl that I used to, very exhausted ) and emotionally. I feel I need to remove myself, but she doesnt want me to leave. She falls down and tells me how it will kill her, how she loves me and will always love me, all these things that I think should solidify a relationship. The only problem is things like this have happened before and nothing changes, two years of constant fighting has almost destroyed my faith in each other. When she says those things I dont want to leave her....it confuses me, its up and down up and down. As a university student (26 yrs old ), I am not in the greatest financial bracket, and we cant afford professional help. We have seen a pastor once, but he did not believe in divorce, and since she was crying and telling him she loved me, he questioned my ability to love and why I would want to leave, even though I pretty much explained to him what was going on ( health wise, fighting, potential for physical violence etc.) I used to be a Christian but have lost my faith, she is a christian and that poses a problem also. I am so lost and alone. I saw what was going on, I ignored what I saw, and now were are here. I dont like what I see right now, I am terrified for the future, and cant live a life like this...I cant live with myself if I do something like abuse or cheating ( even though I feel the verbal abuse is already there ). I cant carry on in a normal life, I feel like a shell, I pretty much have to drop out of this year of school ( its just started ) because this continues to worsen. Any help or advice, please.
You are in a dysfunctional relationship.

You and your wife are not compatable with each other and not on the same page.

Get a divorce.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:14 PM
 
8,228 posts, read 14,185,562 times
Reputation: 11233
I know your confused, you married her because you thought you loved each other.
But you can't figure this out while your in the middle of it.
I would make some plans, find someplace you can crash for an extended period, pack your stuff while she's not there and leave her a note telling her you need a break for a good 6 months. No to limited contact. Don't let her hysterics pull you in. This is the internet and we are only hearing one side of the story but she sounds either mentally unbalanced or just fearful of having to take care of her self or both.
Concentrate on finishing school.
If you stay - there must be something you are getting out of this and that's even more disturbing.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:22 PM
 
3,261 posts, read 5,296,996 times
Reputation: 3986
I myself am in the process of ending a terrible marriage. I think the most important thing is to feel at peace with whatever decision you make so that you will never be left with regrets. If you feel that you have done what you can (or what you are willing to do) for this marriage, then leave -BEFORE KIDS.

Don't make decisions only based on your faith, or what others will think or even based on who gets hurt. Let your conscious be your compass. Ultimately, if your miserable, then she'll be miserable too and you'll both be better off apart.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:33 PM
 
Location: clear lake tx
17 posts, read 98,176 times
Reputation: 17
If you truly love your wife i would suggest counseling before leaving her...leaving someone isn't always the best solution in most cases it just means your running away from your problems and hers..
If she is willing to also seek help then both of you should just do the best you can because true love is NEVER perfect and there will be fights...there will be drama because you two truly care about each other and there is a fear that that feeling will be taken away...
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:33 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
Get away from your wife. By the way did she end up in the hospital too? Or was that just you suffering through hell? Also run for the hills before you end up in prison.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:35 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
Love? You call that love. He needs to take care of himself first and make plans to leave the wife ASAP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evergolden View Post
If you truly love your wife i would suggest counseling before leaving her...leaving someone isn't always the best solution in most cases it just means your running away from your problems and hers..
If she is willing to also seek help then both of you should just do the best you can because true love is NEVER perfect and there will be fights...there will be drama because you two truly care about each other and there is a fear that that feeling will be taken away...
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:37 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
I agree. Counseling is for suckers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck View Post
Screw the counseling. It seldom works and you need something in your life together to make it worth the effort by both parties. This is seldom the case and even less likely if there are no children. Just leave and take whatever share the courts will give you.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:38 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,875,707 times
Reputation: 7058
What is a therapist going to say? "OMG You two are angry and hostile. Break up now"

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Josh, you guys are in a very unhealthy relationship. I'm not so sure either of you really even know what love is. All this aggression, anger, rage and co-dependency must be dealt with before worse things happen.

I know you don't think you can afford professional help, but you really need it. Contact the United Way in your city and ask them to refer you to a therapist that will charge you on a sliding scale. There should be help for you that you can afford if you take the time to look for it okay?

Additionally, I'd suggest an immediate separation. You each need to go to your respective corners, so to speak, and get some space away from each other. DO IT NOW.
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