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Thank you again for all the honest posts. I agree that I need to separate myself from this...especially considering that my recent health has been reduced to illness upon illness. Its funny to think that I continue to think about what ppl may think or what will happen, when its very clear that this could literally take my life from me. I dont know why its like that...but I do understand that w/o my mental and physical health, I cant do anything in my life. Plus the high chance of physical abuse that is creeping and ready to reveal itself is something that I know I should not wait around to see. I really right now just have to look at my health, as hard as it is for me to just focus on myself...I honestly see that if this lifestyle persists, I will regret so much more.
Thank you again for all the honest posts. I agree that I need to separate myself from this...especially considering that my recent health has been reduced to illness upon illness. Its funny to think that I continue to think about what ppl may think or what will happen, when its very clear that this could literally take my life from me. I dont know why its like that...but I do understand that w/o my mental and physical health, I cant do anything in my life. Plus the high chance of physical abuse that is creeping and ready to reveal itself is something that I know I should not wait around to see. I really right now just have to look at my health, as hard as it is for me to just focus on myself...I honestly see that if this lifestyle persists, I will regret so much more.
Its a tough situation for you right now, but remember, its only for a season in your life. I hope you can save your marriage if you are both committed to professional counselling which is what its going to take..but theres no guarantee unfortunately. Distancing yourself from her (as in a seperation) if you feel rage when youre together, is the best thing ; you can make the situation so much more worse if you were to hit her hard and cause damage . You also need a good support system for yourself right now, as in family and close friends...so, draw on them and their strength . I would also spend lots of time on your knees bringing your pain to God and seeking wisdom.
Sometimes things are so broken that they just can't be fixed. It's sad but true, and while you have a lot of living ahead of you, in the end, life is short and you can't afford to waste one more day in this toxic relationship. I wish you the best of luck.
I agree with this analysis. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't worry about what others might say. They are not in your situation and they have no idea how bad it is. You got married and gave it your best shot. It didn't work and is broken beyond repair. Get out and save your health, mind, and wife from potential abuse. Think of it as a lesson learned and get on with your life.
The last time Josh posed was the end of November...sure hope he comes back and gives us an update and that he is doing okay
11-28-2009, 12:19 AM
Josh_GW
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
15 posts, read 5,569 times
Reputation: 27
Thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate the support, it gives me some strength to keep pushing forward in my life, something I really need right now. Thank you!
Yeah, I would say you guys both have domestic violence issues (as is often the case, check out the work of Straus), and at least your wife is co-dependent.
You BOTH need therapy, SEPARATELY. Go down to the county mental health center and request it.
My guess is the relationship won't last.
Regardless of what she does, you need to change yourself. Even if she hits you first, you should not hit her back. You can't change her, but you can work on yourself. Good luck, these types of relationships can be very hard to break out of.
(By the way, if you do leave, and she calls you, threatening suicide, DO NOT go rescue her. Call the police.)
Its clearly a very toxic relationship. Both of you need counseling. I'd get out now before a pregnancy happens, then before you get yourself involved again later in life, seek counseling.
^^^^This^^^^
If you end up getting out of this relationship without getting counseling, you'll repeat the same patterns with someone else.
Screw the counseling. It seldom works and you need something in your life together to make it worth the effort by both parties. This is seldom the case and even less likely if there are no children. Just leave and take whatever share the courts will give you.
IF the OP doesn't get counseling, he's very likely to repeat the same old patterns over and over again in future relationships.
Maybe they fell in love and then fell out of love. Who needs "counseling" to figure the obvious out. LOL.
I don't think a counselor can resolve those world issues. Our society is filled with all sorts of people and a lot of times people change when in relationships for the worse and it's out of their hands. Sometimes it works out well and other times one or both of the partners become raving neurotic maniacs.
Nahhh. For the most part, I disagree. Emotionally healthy people are attracted to other emotionally healthy people. Unhealthy is attracted to unhealthy.
Now, since the OP is young, some of this can be chalked up to inexperience, but not most of it.
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