Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just recently I heard two completely unrelated women each telling people how they were so "upset" when someone they knew announced they were pregnant.
Evidently both of these women have been "trying" to get pregnant without much luck (one, I know, had had a miscarriage at some point).
But when someone in their life happily announced they were having a baby, instead of being happy for them, these women were angry, sad, resentful, and jealous. While I recognize that it must be difficult to deal with fertility problems, I don't understand why they still wouldn't be happy for someone else who gets pregnant.
The one woman was saying "it was so insensitive of her to just announce at the Thanksgiving table that they were expecting! She should have known how that would upset me!" I'm thinking "What? insensitive? So because you haven't been able to have a baby yet, no one else is allowed to get pregnant or be happy about it?" Of course I didn't say anything, but I was just thinking how completely self-absorbed and awful this woman was. I would think that even if you've had trouble getting pregnant, you'd be happy for a friend or relative who does get pregnant. Maybe you'd be even MORE happy for them, because of the difficulty you've been through.
I just don't get the jealousy/envy thing. These examples with the two women and pregnancy were the most recent, but I have also been shocked when I heard:
someone who is unemployed angry that their friend announced that he just got a good job
someone who is single, angry and resentful that her younger sister got engaged
someone saying "I hate her" about someone who is pretty or thin
someone whose kid didn't get into a certain college, hearing a co-worker happily say that her daughter got into that college, got all angry about how insensitive it was for the woman to be happy about her daughter's accomplishment
I just don't get it. There are lots of things that I would like to have in life, but when I see others have them, I don't get angry or resentful about it. I don't get jealous. I try for the best, and I feel good for the people who do accomplish those things.
Is anyone else perplexed by this? Or am I the weird one?
Some people can't be happy for others when they're entrenched in their own misery/misfortune. Sometimes it's understandable, in the case an issue like infertility, which is no one's "fault". However, it's going too far to think that someone doesn't have the right to announce their pregancy to their family at Thanksgiving because someone else's feelings might get hurt. Keeping it secret doesn't change the fact that this woman is having a baby and that woman cannot.
Just recently I heard two completely unrelated women each telling people how they were so "upset" when someone they knew announced they were pregnant.
Evidently both of these women have been "trying" to get pregnant without much luck (one, I know, had had a miscarriage at some point).
But when someone in their life happily announced they were having a baby, instead of being happy for them, these women were angry, sad, resentful, and jealous. While I recognize that it must be difficult to deal with fertility problems, I don't understand why they still wouldn't be happy for someone else who gets pregnant.
The one woman was saying "it was so insensitive of her to just announce at the Thanksgiving table that they were expecting! She should have known how that would upset me!" I'm thinking "What? insensitive? So because you haven't been able to have a baby yet, no one else is allowed to get pregnant or be happy about it?" Of course I didn't say anything, but I was just thinking how completely self-absorbed and awful this woman was. I would think that even if you've had trouble getting pregnant, you'd be happy for a friend or relative who does get pregnant. Maybe you'd be even MORE happy for them, because of the difficulty you've been through.
I just don't get the jealousy/envy thing. These examples with the two women and pregnancy were the most recent, but I have also been shocked when I heard:
someone who is unemployed angry that their friend announced that he just got a good job
someone who is single, angry and resentful that her younger sister got engaged
someone saying "I hate her" about someone who is pretty or thin
someone whose kid didn't get into a certain college, hearing a co-worker happily say that her daughter got into that college, got all angry about how insensitive it was for the woman to be happy about her daughter's accomplishment
I just don't get it. There are lots of things that I would like to have in life, but when I see others have them, I don't get angry or resentful about it. I don't get jealous. I try for the best, and I feel good for the people who do accomplish those things.
Is anyone else perplexed by this? Or am I the weird one?
Nah, you're one of the rare, sane ones.
I have been amazed by this kind of behavior all of my life. I don't get it either.
It's rotten and jerky crap, that the world would be better without.
Let's face it: some people make everything "about them." It really isn't jealousy as much as it is sabotage (let me take the joy out of this since it isn't about ME) and narcissism, IMHO.
Let's face it: some people make everything "about them." It really isn't jealousy as much as it is sabotage (let me take the joy out of this since it isn't about ME) and narcissism, IMHO.
Those folks always seem to have a hard time noticing anything not pertaining to them.
They'll never notice your pic, but always expect you to notice (and comment about) their pic.
They won't buy you a gift, yet expect a gift to them.
Won't take notice of what you like, etc., but get ticked when you don't notice their junk.
They are famous for PCTKBS (pot calling the kettle black syndrome).
This is my biggest character flaw. When I see people be successful at something and I'm not, jealousy and envy starts to creep in like something ravage. For me, I can't feel happy for people unless I can feel like I'm enjoying that happiness with them in some form or another. So when a freind tells me he/she is getting married or got a gf/bf, I may give them a congrats, but then I ask about myself, "what about myself?" When do I get to see/experience that? Sure call it narcissistic, but it's also about not wanting to feel left out. At least for me anyway.
This is my biggest character flaw. When I see people be successful at something and I'm not, jealousy and envy starts to creep in like something ravage. For me, I can't feel happy for people unless I can feel like I'm enjoying that happiness with them in some form or another. So when a freind tells me he/she is getting married or got a gf/bf, I may give them a congrats, but then I ask about myself, "what about myself?" When do I get to see/experience that? Sure call it narcissistic, but it's also about not wanting to feel left out. At least for me anyway.
Of course, I'm only speaking for myself.
Awwww - that would be really uncomfortable, Southseeker. I don't think that sounds like narcissism. That sounds like you compare yourself to others and are too hard on yourself. Like- you judge your "progress" in life based on what others are doing.
Actually sounds like some sort of self-punishment to me - as in - "why couldn't that be me? what do I lack? why not ME? what am I doing wrong?"
That doesn't sound like narcissism to me. Not sure what it is, but it doesn't sound like total self preoccupation or even envy.
One can envy another and still be happy for them. I do it all the time, but I digress.
Misery loves company. Life goes on and some people just can't stand it. To expect someone to keep happy news to themselves (as if all the friends and family involved belong to the "slighted" one) is sheer selfishness. I'd be willing to bet they are a chore to resolve conflict with. The world revolves around them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
