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Old 09-12-2009, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,979,679 times
Reputation: 9459

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I think you are 100% right about this person. This is not someone to be in any kind of relationship with unless you have the need to be constantly giving because this, my friend, is a taker. You deserve better.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,964,804 times
Reputation: 18405
You need to let her go. Especially since you have kids. She'll never warm up to them and the relationship will only get more toxic over time. She's selfish and doesn't care about you one way or the other.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,023,460 times
Reputation: 1812
Relationships are about give and take and I don't see where she is doing any of the giving. Why would you want to continue seeing her or consider marrying her? I can just imagine what she would be like if you were married to her.
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Old 09-13-2009, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,088 posts, read 17,507,957 times
Reputation: 10298
Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post
...Am I off base?
Not off base. Kick that trick to the curb.
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Old 09-13-2009, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,299,530 times
Reputation: 1391
Since you have been in a LTR with this person, you know who she is and how she is. You can't really expect her to change.

You have two options 1. try to discuss it with her or 2. move on.

If you try to discuss it with her and try to fix the relationship give yourself a time limit. Say you discuss your complaints and she agrees to try to be more thoughtful, etc. If you are both in agreement it's only fair to give it a try. Give yourself a time limit - maybe 3 months, 6 months ?? - whatever feels right to you. You may not want to share the time limit with her, keep it to yourself. But at the end of the time limit if you do not see meanful improvement - exit! It's ok to try to work at a realationship but if it's not working, it won't.
Best wishes, my friend.
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Old 09-13-2009, 06:51 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,795,930 times
Reputation: 17982
You are the only reason its an LTR, stop giving, watch how fast
you find yourself alone. Sorry to be blunt, What a user.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post
What do you all think about this.

If you were in a LTR with someone that:

1. Never wanted to drive to see you at your place or to meet somewhere in town. Always complained about the distance and the hassles of being in traffic. And simply wanted the other person so just come to their house all the time. They also just want you to stay over all the time and pretty much just move in. It's easier for them this way and they like it that way! They also did not ever want to go see your family or go to family functions, again it would require driving and some effort on their part. But you were expected to be over at thier house for family get togethers! Every single holiday too.

2. Hardly ever wants to do what you suggest. (like go to a park, go see a movie, go sight seeing, hiking, etc) You have to "talk them into it" and after some opposition they usually try it and do have a good time. But they seem to only want to do what they want or that it's their idea. Then they complain you never want to do anything fun!

3. When riding in the car, they only want to listen to music they like/know. If you play a song you like that they do not approve of they want to change it or turn the radio off. This is even if they are riding in your car! God forbid you touch their radio when in their car!

4. They do not seem to understand what it's like being a single parent. You have a young child you have custody for and they seem to only want to spend time with you alone and never want the kid around. They think it is perfectly acceptible to pawn off your kid at your parents or your Ex's every single weekend and during the week so you can spend "Alone time" with them. (keep in mind this is a woman that did this! I am sure most men will be like this though...)

I am of the belief that a relationship is a two way street and you both have to give and take. I guess some people are so used to having things their way all the time they get to be this way? I don't get it. This person seems very selfish and self centered to me. Am I off base?
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Old 09-13-2009, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,397,215 times
Reputation: 6015
Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post

4. They do not seem to understand what it's like being a single parent. You have a young child you have custody for and they seem to only want to spend time with you alone and never want the kid around. They think it is perfectly acceptible to pawn off your kid at your parents or your Ex's every single weekend and during the week so you can spend "Alone time" with them. (keep in mind this is a woman that did this! I am sure most men will be like this though...)

I am of the belief that a relationship is a two way street and you both have to give and take. I guess some people are so used to having things their way all the time they get to be this way? I don't get it. This person seems very selfish and self centered to me. Am I off base?
Just #4 alone would be enough for me to walk. Anyone who tries to come in between a parent and their child should be hung by their toenails. Forget the other stuff, in my opinion, this is just the worst. I've seen one instance of this with one of my male friends and his little boy w/ a woman he was dating and I am am going to tell you what I told him, - NO pxxxy is THAT good. Sorry.
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,741,438 times
Reputation: 9340
Quote:
Originally Posted by I just want to know View Post
I would have to agree... very selfish and self centered.
I agree. Plus, most likey, not as interested in the other person as they should be for being in a relationship. Maybe just biding their time til something better comes along, weighing their options, or settling. I say that b'c I once had a guy like that. He's my ex now.
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:18 PM
 
4 posts, read 16,798 times
Reputation: 13
Default are you...

dating a youngish woman perhaps?
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:03 AM
ttz ttz started this thread
 
Location: Western WA
679 posts, read 1,497,160 times
Reputation: 422
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcellina View Post
dating a youngish woman perhaps?
No she is 35. I tried talking to her about this and other things and it did not go so well! She got very defensive and angry and does not get it. She told me I am making stuff up. Very sad indeed. This coupled with her addiction makes it very hard to stay.
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