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I read the article. I noticed a lot of traits in the particular person I am dealing with. Its funny because this particular person is not only controlling, but also obsessive like the article described. He has the typical OCD. If you go to his house you cannot leave a glass out by the sink, the q-tips out of place, the dog out of his cage etc. Its like he has all these sets of rules, and all these little rituals (comes home and immediately works on his yard) and if anything interupts him or breaks his rules he is very upset. I think the reasoning, is like the article said, stress and anxiety related. But I also think it goes much deeper than that. I also think he likes to con people, just to do it. And even feels some satisfaction from it. He has said to me and other people before, "you don't know me", in an almost smug way.
A couple of weeks I was talking to him. And he was joking around and this is how the conversation went:
Him: "You know me, I like to joke around."
Me: "I know."
Him: "what?"
Me: "I know that's how you are, you like to joke around"
At this point he starts laughing and chuckling.
Him: "Actually you don't know me." Shakes his head smiling. "You really don't."
What the heck is that supposed to mean? I am tempted to ask him the next time he says this if he is some sort of serial killer or something! He acts like I am so interested in knowing him, but I never will. I feel like saying, I could care less about knowing you, in fact I don't even like being in the same room with you!
I agree with many of the other posters on here, the best way to deal with him, is to not engage him at all. But if I am forced to, to be on my guard at all times and to keep my answers short. The more I talk, the more I leave myself open. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how toxic he is and I plan on trying harder to limit my contact.
Thank you all for your answers! They have all been very helpful, and by the way he is not a boyfriend or anything of the sort!
As long as you have this mysterious relationship where you have to maintain contact with him, he'll be in control unless you change things.
I wouldn't hesitate to take an opportunity to tell him that I think he might be the biggest control freak I know. Watch him try to convince you he's not. That should be fun...especially when he realizes that you don't find that to be endearing.
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I agree with many of the other posters on here, the best way to deal with him, is to not engage him at all. But if I am forced to, to be on my guard at all times and to keep my answers short. The more I talk, the more I leave myself open. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how toxic he is and I plan on trying harder to limit my contact.
Thank you all for your answers! They have all been very helpful, and by the way he is not a boyfriend or anything of the sort!
Yes, sometimes you're stuck with these people around, often you find them in the work place or among family members, in-laws, neighbors. It's best to just put up a big emotional wall between them and you, don't try to figure them out, they cannot be reformed. Limit contact to only what is absolutely necessary.
I read the article. I noticed a lot of traits in the particular person I am dealing with. Its funny because this particular person is not only controlling, but also obsessive like the article described. He has the typical OCD. If you go to his house you cannot leave a glass out by the sink, the q-tips out of place, the dog out of his cage etc. Its like he has all these sets of rules, and all these little rituals (comes home and immediately works on his yard) and if anything interupts him or breaks his rules he is very upset. I think the reasoning, is like the article said, stress and anxiety related. But I also think it goes much deeper than that. I also think he likes to con people, just to do it. And even feels some satisfaction from it. He has said to me and other people before, "you don't know me", in an almost smug way.
A couple of weeks I was talking to him. And he was joking around and this is how the conversation went:
Him: "You know me, I like to joke around."
Me: "I know."
Him: "what?"
Me: "I know that's how you are, you like to joke around"
At this point he starts laughing and chuckling.
Him: "Actually you don't know me." Shakes his head smiling. "You really don't."
What the heck is that supposed to mean? I am tempted to ask him the next time he says this if he is some sort of serial killer or something! He acts like I am so interested in knowing him, but I never will. I feel like saying, I could care less about knowing you, in fact I don't even like being in the same room with you!
I agree with many of the other posters on here, the best way to deal with him, is to not engage him at all. But if I am forced to, to be on my guard at all times and to keep my answers short. The more I talk, the more I leave myself open. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how toxic he is and I plan on trying harder to limit my contact.
Thank you all for your answers! They have all been very helpful, and by the way he is not a boyfriend or anything of the sort!
Sounds like he's trying to play the "dark and mysterious" angle a little too hard. All that you don't know me talk might seem intriguing to some at early stages of getting to know someone, but after a while it becomes pathetic and childish. A ploy to keep your attention, make you more interested. Someone like that is insecure and needs to resort to ulterior motives in order to feel wanted or accepted by others. Most manipulators are control freaks and tend to be passive aggressive in nature. By taking the bait you empower them. Also, if they display an gestures of generosity, you can bet they're using that as a points system or money in the bank. They are keeping score and will come to collect something in return later. Show them you aren't interested in and discontinue asking any questions when they start playing the dark and mysterious game. Act aloof and change the subject or just shrug it off.
Always wear your poker face, liars and manipulators think there so
good at there game and everyones stupid, its an illness, whats worse,
their convinced their lies are truth. You could let it go in one ear and out the other.
Why can't you be honest and say, I don't have time to hear this. What do you have to lose.
A very wise person once told me, that to be a good liar, you must actually believe what you are saying.
It's too bad you have no choice right now than to be in that situation. He knows you need him maybe and gets enjoyment out of that knowledge? Hope you get out of there soon and can put all this behind you, I have no advice to offer, except that I agree with everyone here.
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leaving him miles behind in the process.
