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I know this is an old thread, I was just doing a search since I'm in a similar situation.
The woman I'm currently dating is awesome, she's smart, has a great career, shares a lot of my world views and we have a similar sense of humor.
She is more into me than I am into her. She constantly tells all her friends/family about me, and makes all these plans for the distant future. I'm just enjoying life and thinking about what hike or breweries we should hit next weekend..
I'm not sure what holds me back, she's definitely the best person I've dated but I'm not 100% attracted to her. All my exes have been tall, slim and conveniently attractive. This girl is short and average across the board. I still find her cute though and I figure it's time to start looking past physical attraction.
The only other other issue is she's religious and I'm not in the least. She Catholic and goes to church every weekend, her parents still assume she's a virgin and she's still afraid of them at 29 years old!
My parents are carefree and I casually tell them everything. They know I've tried some hard drugs and I've told them a lot of the stupid things I've done. I'm an open book to everyone but I have to filter myself around her parents.
I don't want to string her along, but I don't want to lose her either. She really is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.
What do you guys do on Sundays? Is she ok with you hanging out at home while she goes to church? And you know, there are "seasons" in the Catholic calendar when they end up going to church 4 or 5 days out of 7, have you run into that yet? What if you two had kids, would you be ok with the kids being raised Catholic?
And you say she's the "best" person you've dated--presumably in terms of character (?), but you're not into her so much physically?
Do you feel a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush--do you think you'd be able to meet someone with her character, but minus the Catholicism, and with a figure more to your liking? Would it be worth taking that chance? What if you don't meet such a person; would you be ok being alone, and knowing you let this one go?
IDK, OP. But I think you need to ask yourself more questions. But if you're really not all that into her, it might not work out long-term. I mean--lifetime-wise.
She is more into me than I am into her. She constantly tells all her friends/family about me, and makes all these plans for the distant future. I'm just enjoying life and thinking about what hike or breweries we should hit next weekend..
Does SHE know this ^^^ is your approach? If so, there is no problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JMHT13
I figure it's time to start looking past physical attraction.
Why? It's VERY important.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JMHT13
I don't want to string her along, but I don't want to lose her either. She really is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.
Are you currently stringing her along? Does SHE know you are casual?
We've had a couple of threads here lately posted by people who are blindsided when someone they've been dating a couple of years suddenly reveals there's no future with them. It's so painful.
Don't filter yourself around her either - for her sake as well as yours.
Does SHE know this ^^^ is your approach? If so, there is no problem.
Why? It's VERY important.
Are you currently stringing her along? Does SHE know you are casual?
We've had a couple of threads here lately posted by people who are blindsided when someone they've been dating a couple of years suddenly reveals there's no future with them. It's so painful.
Don't filter yourself around her either - for her sake as well as yours.
1. I mean, it's only been 5 months. I include her in my plans of going to my family reunion, future vacations overseas, etc.
She apparently told a friend that she wanted three kids, had plans to move back to LA in 10 years and included me in all those.. I'm pretty content in Denver to be honest. I'm not a fan of LA. I've never been opposed to kids but I've never really gave it any thought.
2. It is important, but she's still attractive. I just have to face the facts that I'm no prize myself. Ha
I don't filter myself around her, just her family. They're very strict and hard on her, Sterotypical Asian parents I guess?
3. I do not feel like I'm stringing her along, I want to be with her but I don't think we are quite at the same level. I'm definitely not thinking about baby names and future moves. I'm currently going through a career change in my mid thirties.. back in college and life is pretty busy right now. I finally paid off my house so I'm quitting my job and going for an engineering degree. I wouldn't say I'm casual with her.
As Ruth said, I guess I just have to ask myself a lot of these hard questions instead of just taking things day by day.
As Ruth said, I guess I just have to ask myself a lot of these hard questions instead of just taking things day by day.
That's good advice, but you also need to be sure your GF knows when you don't feel the same way she does about stuff.
You may not consider yourself casual, but you sound fairly noncommittal, which is not necessarily a bad thing at 5 months. But she does sound like she's far from casual. At times its sounds like you're trying to make yourself conform to something that doesn't quite fit right.
Just be sure you don't sit silently when these topics (kids, LA, etc) come up. Let your thoughts be known.
At 5 months I feel she is really jumping the gun, and maybe that is causing you to back off a tad? Or, question your own feelings more?
I definitely would have spoke up about the moving thing... went back and read, and she isn't telling you these things but other people? I would at least bring up that I like where I live and don't want to move (work it into conversation), or just come right out and tell her, you've heard these things, and this is where you stand, right now. I would tell I really look forward to getting to know her better and you think she is an amazing person (if you do).
Honestly? I would get skittish if someone I had been dating for 5 months started talking that way.
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