Successful Marriages

[stan4]

Originally Posted by stanman13

Talk about a weak point. You want to plan your marriage around the possibility of divorce? In Michigan, that wouldn't matter anyway. You are going to split it all.

Finances are considerably different from who has the big easy chair. It's really about the mindset from which your approach the relationship.

Lol...you pick the point that I even conceded wasn't the main point and then pointed out it was a weak point? Nice job!

[stan4]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

I think that's a good point. Let's just say that Stan's spouse earns a fraction of what Stan does, and suddenly has a few reverses. For example, what if her car breaks down, she loses her job, and she owes a bundle on taxes? What if this series of events means she's out of cash?

Now, she not only owes the IRS serious cashola, but she needs a new car as well. So the SO has two options here: 1) Give money to the spouse, or 2) Lend money to the spouse. Because there's already a "my money/your money" dynamic established in the relationship, rather an an "our money" dynamic, neither one is palatable to the person on the receiving end. For if she is given the money, then she is the beneficiary of noblesse oblige. And if she is lent the money, well, My God.

If, however, all the money goes into one big pot, all those considerations should go away. It's household money.

Mind you, I'm sure Stan's impulses would be generous in this situation. But, it's like anything else. Money has a way of changing everything when it's rationed out. Relationships. Marriages. Governments.

Ok, but you guys keep missing the point - it _is_ OUR money. Just because it's not all piled up in one account does not mean every time she has a big expense _I_ am doing her a favor. We're a team. We both bring strengths to the relationship and we both work together for our future. It's not about me 'being generous.' It's not like she financially got herself in a hole by herself.


What's so hard to understand about that? Y'all are really tied to this idea that if it's not physically all in one bank account that it doesn't count or something. That's really weird.

Frankly, I don't feel safe about having any money all in one place. I personally have 5 different accounts at four different institutions. Her accounts are at even other different institutions. If that makes me feel better about our situation, what's the problem?