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Old 09-14-2009, 01:22 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 15,379,313 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
THAT is one very big reason so many marriages don't make it.
Probably, and I would be curious what people think is an unpardonable sin....
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,364,319 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Probably, and I would be curious what people think is an unpardonable sin....
Child molestation.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,452 posts, read 52,470,772 times
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You know, my wife and I were working out together the other day. And I was telling her I was impressed by how many reps she was doing, etc. And she said, "Well, I try harder when you're around...you know, I still want to impress you."

We're only 4 years into our relationship, but I think we both still want to be attractive to each other, show each other we think about the other, and do things for each other every single day. And I love, love, love making her laugh.
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Old 09-14-2009, 02:03 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 15,379,313 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Child molestation.
Oh yeah, that would definitely be unpardonable, along with raping someone.
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Old 09-14-2009, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,364,319 times
Reputation: 39851
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
You know, my wife and I were working out together the other day. And I was telling her I was impressed by how many reps she was doing, etc. And she said, "Well, I try harder when you're around...you know, I still want to impress you."

We're only 4 years into our relationship, but I think we both still want to be attractive to each other, show each other we think about the other, and do things for each other every single day. And I love, love, love making her laugh.
I know what you mean. My husband is the only person I care about impressing at all
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:02 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,307 posts, read 3,871,592 times
Reputation: 2538
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
I have been on CD for couple of years now, but I only started participating in Relationship forum recently. I see so many threads discussing unsuccessful marriages, bad relationships, hurtful situations and etc...

I would love to start a thread where people can share some success stories. Describe how long they have been married, what they love about their partner, how did their relationship improved over time, perhaps share some stories of overcoming difficult times.

I think we can all use some positivity here, perhaps inspire some people to search for that someone.

Also - I'm sure, definition of successful marriages vary. What is your understanding of successful marriage?
All the usual things like communication are great but to me it is commitment to a marriage.

Love is important but to me love is a feeling and as such it can change like the weather and so the mood towards to a partner can change.

However, when the commitment is to the marriage and both want it to work, they can make it work. Couple can fall out of love just as easily as they fell in love. When those low come along they both must remember to keep their commitment to the marriage. Keeping that commitment and love in mind at all times can help keep a marriage and couples can fall back in love.

Also, to me there is a difference between love and falling in love. Falling in love is that initial euforic feeling when you you the the other person as perfect as you wish it. To love a person comes with time and you see the other person imperfect and you still love him/her.

When people fall out of love the immediate response can be divorce because they are not happy anymore. There is a selfish angle to some degree. Trying hard to keep your word in a commitment can help fall back in love and reignite that fire in love.

My wife and I as any couple have had our periods where we cannot stand each other. There was a time divorce was in the horizon but we tough it out in our commitment to the marriage and to our children.

We have now reached a time in our marriage we just do not see how in the world we would ever consider leaving each other. We call our marriage our eternal honeymoon now. I still open the car door for her and she is happy to respond in kind in her own way. This September will 36 years!!!!!

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:07 PM
 
3,751 posts, read 7,469,539 times
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I will not be comfortable saying my almost 13 years are successful because you can fail at any time. Goodness knows there are days when its tough. But, in the end - the one thing that I think helps is being married to your really good (if not best) friend, being respectful and having a great sense of humor.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:08 PM
 
3,751 posts, read 7,469,539 times
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Okay - maybe it was more than one thing.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
1,385 posts, read 1,632,071 times
Reputation: 1907
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
For years when I was out and about, I'd study couples around my age. How they interacted and their body language/responses to each other. So many, too many, seem to just tolerate each other. No hint of that joy, no spark. They just were. In my mind, those are the marriage of convenience folks. They are plodding their way through life and love.
Some of them aren't even making the effort to plod, my dear. We see them only too often. You could say they're more like something between old buddies and enforced companions. And you could shed a tear or three for what they let be lost.

You probably have, in fact.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Once in a while, I'd see the other side of the story. A couple that was actively engaged with each other and still enjoying their SO. They still held hands and as often as not, were touching. They smiled, talked, and had eye contact. They were more interested in each other than the surroundings. They cared about the person they were with. It was obvious their relationship was sexual and strong. The man seemed gentlemanly and caring. He did things like open car doors and hold chairs. Because he wanted to..... As a couple they looked incredibly happy and in love.
And no less a man for doing so, contrary to what some machismatic meatheads might otherwise tell you. (Says this chronic door-opening chair-holder . . . )

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
As I got older there were fewer passionate, happy couples to observe. More and more seemed to be just going through the motions. Sigh. It looked like people were finished staying together for the kids and were now staying together for the grandkids. No excitement, no thrills left. They just got up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. Nothing bad and nothing good. Just nothing. The bills got paid and they funded their IRA's. They put the kids through school, paid for weddings, and went to funerals.
Comfortably enough unaware that they'd made their own couplehood a never-ending funeral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
The plodders just are and they don't even seem to know they are missing out. I think they will live and die together until and unless one of them happens to discover they have a choice. Life can be more than what they have. Next they have to be willing to take a chance and give up what they have. As we age, things like financial security become more important and we become less willing to make changes.
Life can be more than what they have no matter how much they do or don't "have." Things can be a) replaced; or, b) lived without, compared to trying to replace or living without your true love. You can't replace a compromised or broken heart. And the damn fool who compromises or breaks it? It's his loss. Not yours.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
So what's the difference between the lovers and the plodders?
In terms simple enough, you could say it's the difference between An Affair to Remember and The Last American Virgin. For openers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I think I learned that recently. The lovers have always put a priority on their relationship. They learned early on that they had to come first part of the time. Before children and parents, and responsibilities. They had to make their partner a true priority in order to maintain what they had. Their relationship had to be healthy and loving. These folks learned how to put the rest of the minutiae away and concentrate on each other. If you want to be able to care for everyone else, you have to care for yourself first.
Bingo---two-week cruise for yellowsnow!

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Maybe their kids didn't have after school activities every day of the week. The house wasn't always perfect and the laundry wasn't caught up. The kids stayed with grandparents or a babysitter pretty often so Mom and Dad could have some time alone. It all balances out because these kids got a great advantage. They grew up in a loving home where the parents cared about each other and weren't just going through the motions on autopilot. Mom and Dad learned to say no and find the balance that allowed them to nurture the things that are important.
And I'd bet you too many people thought they were the ones with the screws loose. More's the pity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Who are you? Are you a plodder or a lover?
If you have to ask, my dear, then I have to drop the hammer even further and ramp the romance up into serious overdrive!

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I've sat on the sidelines and observed for too long. I've spent too much time thinking about this. It's time to change.
Fair disclosure: I am the man who has the honour of being romanced by this lady. Emphasis on "the honour."
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 2,813,025 times
Reputation: 1369
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Wow man,...that's beautiful. Simply beautiful.

You mean to tell me there is hope of me getting out of my mess and finding that someone that thinks I am funy?
LOL of course there is someone who will find you honestly, hysterical. If a man can't make me laugh, he's not the one for me.
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