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09-14-2009, 02:31 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: In my skin
4,492 posts, read 1,403,524 times
Reputation: 2850
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Asking a present partner to accept past mistakes
This came from a story line on a show I watch regularly and I know it's been covered before, but if you fine folks would indulge me, I'd appreciate it. On the show, a woman asked her new husband to "forgive" her for something she did over 40 years ago.
When is the right time to tell them? John meets Mary, they fall in love. After, say, a year, she feels she is ready to tell him about her secret. He gets angry because she kept it from him for this long and feels deceived. It's a catch 22, to me. How do you know, upon meeting someone, that they are "it", to the point of disclosing something that personal?
Also, what is there to forgive? Why would one ask forgiveness from someone who wasn't even involved?
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09-14-2009, 02:37 PM
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Lucky and blessed :)
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: wherever my husband is working
18,130 posts, read 12,293,008 times
Reputation: 5855
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
This came from a story line on a show I watch regularly and I know it's been covered before, but if you fine folks would indulge me, I'd appreciate it. On the show, a woman asked her new husband to "forgive" her for something she did over 40 years ago.
When is the right time to tell them? John meets Mary, they fall in love. After, say, a year, she feels she is ready to tell him about her secret. He gets angry because she kept it from him for this long and feels deceived. It's a catch 22, to me. How do you know, upon meeting someone, that they are "it", to the point of disclosing something that personal?
Also, what is there to forgive? Why would one ask forgiveness from someone who wasn't even involved?
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I agree - you ask forgiveness from the one you have wronged.
It has always been my opinion that what you did before you met your beloved is what shaped you into the person they fell in love with - no need to apologize for that  |
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09-14-2009, 02:38 PM
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Diggin' the scene with a gangsta' lean...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: On the short end of the wishbone
3,054 posts, read 1,408,301 times
Reputation: 3498
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It's obvious she hasn't forgiven herself, because she's still carrying it around. You have to make peace with yourself first, after that, who gives a shyt what anyone else thinks? If they can't accept you for who you are today, then they can keep walking.
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09-14-2009, 02:47 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philly
1,668 posts, read 578,962 times
Reputation: 608
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I agree - you ask forgiveness from the one you have wronged.
It has always been my opinion that what you did before you met your beloved is what shaped you into the person they fell in love with - no need to apologize for that |
This is good stuff. I mean if there is some illegitimate child or rash as a result of this dark past, then the SO has the right to know. But if it was some indescretion that happened, and you've moved past that, there's no need to bring it up.
My girlfriend is one of those kinds. She wants to know but at the same time doesn't want to know- if that makes sense.
I'm like- it happened before we were together, and as long as it didn't happen while we were together, and you are past it, then there's no need to discuss it. |
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09-14-2009, 03:01 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jun 2009
229 posts, read 51,403 times
Reputation: 102
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hmmmm
[quote=IZthe411;10754095]This is good stuff. I mean if there is some illegitimate child or rash as a result of this dark past, then the SO has the right to know. But if it was some indescretion that happened, and you've moved past that, there's no need to bring it up.
My girlfriend is one of those kinds. She wants to know but at the same time doesn't want to know- if that makes sense.
I'm like- it happened before we were together, and as long as it didn't happen while we were together, and you are past it, then there's no need to discuss it.[/quote
well I agree if your past involves a disease,child you gave away or living with someone else,you should tell yhem   |
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09-14-2009, 03:19 PM
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Senior Member
Status:
"Burr, cold!"
(set 13 days ago)
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Alaska
1,927 posts, read 1,015,501 times
Reputation: 661
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The only thing I'd want to know up front is if a sex change operation was involved 40 years ago.
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09-14-2009, 03:29 PM
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Deified Duumvir
Status:
"Weaving sweaters for the mistress!"
(set 3 days ago)
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Greenwood Village, CO
5,981 posts, read 1,925,610 times
Reputation: 2297
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I was in jail for fairly 24 hours during my troubled youth 
Should I advertise it to my wives?!?!?!  |
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09-14-2009, 03:31 PM
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...is a female!
Status:
"All I want for Christmas is John Krasinski...in my bed."
(set 18 days ago)
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,433 posts, read 321,168 times
Reputation: 839
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
I was in jail for fairly 24 hours during my troubled youth
Should I advertise it to my wives?!?!?! |
Plural |
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09-14-2009, 03:33 PM
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Deified Duumvir
Status:
"Weaving sweaters for the mistress!"
(set 3 days ago)
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Greenwood Village, CO
5,981 posts, read 1,925,610 times
Reputation: 2297
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MAtheBanker
Plural |
Ok, that was an involuntary slip of my fingers
WIFE
There are some things she does not have to bother about, right? |
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09-14-2009, 03:49 PM
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...is a female!
Status:
"All I want for Christmas is John Krasinski...in my bed."
(set 18 days ago)
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,433 posts, read 321,168 times
Reputation: 839
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Ok, that was an involuntary slip of my fingers
WIFE
There are some things she does not have to bother about, right? |
I could respond to this post with a REALLY dirty comment, but I'd better refrain... |
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