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Old 09-15-2009, 12:45 PM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,898,285 times
Reputation: 3165

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
My sex drive was always higher than my H's until I started going through menopause. At the same time he had a midlife crisis and decided to get himself into the "best physical condition" he could, delever an ultimatium (well, more like a "I deserve someone yonger and more fit than you" speech), tell me his sex drive was "different" than mine, and started looking elsewhere. He STILL isn't getting any.
So is this a dig at me?

To me, the getting in the "best physical condition", etc... is in an attempt to give more chances for her to come around and less excuses for her not to...

What I "deserve" is to be able to share relations with the woman I married with the understanding that this was a part of "marriage"....

The "ultimatum" is simply meant as a tactful way to inform her that she doesn't seem to grasp how much this is affecting me, so I'm going to spell it out clearly that this is becoming a deal-breaker for me.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
1,385 posts, read 1,637,288 times
Reputation: 1907
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
It was probably the last time I asked her for sex, maybe six months before the divorce. Her reply to my request: "No, you wouldn't be satisfied. You'd just want to do it again."

To which I said, "Fine. You tell me how often. How about once per decade?" She walked off in a huff.
I wish I had known you at the time that incident happened, and you had spoken up about it here. I would have suggested that, if she really said, "No, you wouldn't be satisfied. You'd just want to do it again," your reply should have been, "Darling, I would have been so satisfied that of course I'd want to do it again! If I wasn't satisfied, I wouldn't have wanted it in the first place!"

On second thought, never mind. That reply would have gone right through her head---where, apparently, it would have had plenty of room to bounce around.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
1,385 posts, read 1,637,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Ewwww....what's the difference between that and prostitution???
Legal.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,615,347 times
Reputation: 39870
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhett_Butler View Post
So is this a dig at me?

To me, the getting in the "best physical condition", etc... is in an attempt to give more chances for her to come around and less excuses for her not to...

What I "deserve" is to be able to share relations with the woman I married with the understanding that this was a part of "marriage"....

The "ultimatum" is simply meant as a tactful way to inform her that she doesn't seem to grasp how much this is affecting me, so I'm going to spell it out clearly that this is becoming a deal-breaker for me.


I think you are wise to let your wife know what you can and can't live with, it's the only fair thing to do.

Of course, the sad thing is, I've known wives who got that same message, didn't care, or care to do anything differently, and then were all shocked when their husbands left them for another woman .
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,622,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think you are wise to let your wife know what you can and can't live with, it's the only fair thing to do.

Of course, the sad thing is, I've known wives who got that same message, didn't care, or care to do anything differently, and then were all shocked when their husbands left them for another woman .
Right!
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,048,099 times
Reputation: 1813
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think you are wise to let your wife know what you can and can't live with, it's the only fair thing to do.

Of course, the sad thing is, I've known wives who got that same message, didn't care, or care to do anything differently, and then were all shocked when their husbands left them for another woman .
I second the right. You know what I think already though.
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:08 PM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,898,285 times
Reputation: 3165
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think you are wise to let your wife know what you can and can't live with, it's the only fair thing to do.

Of course, the sad thing is, I've known wives who got that same message, didn't care, or care to do anything differently, and then were all shocked when their husbands left them for another woman .
What's funny (not ha ha! funny, but....) is that after we DO have sex, she always says, "We really have to do this more often."... To which my reply is always, "Ummmmm, YEAH!!!!!! ".

Then we go back into the same doldrums...

"Helllllllooooooooooooooooooooo, can you remember back a week ago when you said.........."

(guess not.......)

And so the cycle continues.

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

You can see why I hold out hope. (Or maybe am being provided with false hope? )
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:13 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,455,836 times
Reputation: 6958
If it was that bad. Just agree to a separation and become roommates and start living like a single person again. That easy
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:19 PM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,898,285 times
Reputation: 3165
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
If it was that bad. Just agree to a separation and become roommates and start living like a single person again. That easy
Take out the natural human emotion of jealousy and you might have something.....

You do have a point in that sometimes it DOES feel like we're just roommates....
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Old 09-15-2009, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
1,091 posts, read 1,218,353 times
Reputation: 1765
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhett_Butler View Post
So is this a dig at me?

To me, the getting in the "best physical condition", etc... is in an attempt to give more chances for her to come around and less excuses for her not to...

What I "deserve" is to be able to share relations with the woman I married with the understanding that this was a part of "marriage"....

The "ultimatum" is simply meant as a tactful way to inform her that she doesn't seem to grasp how much this is affecting me, so I'm going to spell it out clearly that this is becoming a deal-breaker for me.
I don't think this was a dig Rhett, it was a heads up about someone that tried the same thing. I feel for you though, it's demeaning for a guy. Guys tend to express love with sex. When women don't respond the same way, we take it as indicating they don't love us as much as we do them.

She's unhappy about something. And she won't discuss it. You basically need to decide if it's a deal breaker for you and if it is, tell her. I'm positive it won't make her want you more, if it does anything she's going to react with a "Fine....take it" attitude, and that's demeaning for you both. I'm not dogging women here, it's just that for them intimacy is more an emotional thing, but for guys it's physical. For some reason she's not emotionally into it. You can try to talk to her about it, but be prepared for some "Maybe it's this, or maybe it's that" answers before you ever hit the real reason, if you do.

I'm not too crazy about the 'Best physical shape' approach. It's a passive agressive attempt to threaten her. It won't work. It will burn off some testosterone, and it will make you in better shape if you get divorced, but see it for what it is. So basically it comes down to: Do you love her enough to tolerate it?
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