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Old 09-14-2009, 04:18 PM
 
Location: West Chester, Ohio
122 posts, read 343,303 times
Reputation: 98

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Do I love her? Yes, without question. We have both been in previous marriages and we have been married for just four years. There has been a lot of conflict between us during those four years over different things. Some my fault, some hers. However, our intimacy is non exsistent. We simply do not have relations. I'm talking only twice in the past little more than two years here! I have asked her why she has no interest but I never get a realistic answer. I do not know if she see's someone else or not, but you can't help but think about that. I do not like the thought of divorce and I'm not a player but I'm ready to get "it" wherever I can. Anyone else here face this delima?
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Old 09-14-2009, 04:45 PM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,892,896 times
Reputation: 3165
Pretty much living that, except it's our 1st marriage, we have two little kids, and there isn't really any conflict between us (except on this issue).
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Old 09-14-2009, 04:46 PM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,892,896 times
Reputation: 3165
Oh, and I wouldn't label our marriage as "Dead" either.
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Old 09-14-2009, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,030 posts, read 21,753,522 times
Reputation: 22235
Go to counseling, maybe that will help her talk about her issues.
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Old 09-14-2009, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 11,018,976 times
Reputation: 9460
I'm trying to be helpful here, so don't jump on me. Have you guys told your wives exactly how you feel about this lack of intimacy? Do they know this is a deal breaker that could potentially end the marriage? Have you planned a weekend getaway with your wives to try to get things going again? Sometimes the daily grind and kids wreak havoc with one's love life, but time away can re-ignite that area. I'd hate to see your marriages end, especially when the love is still alive, because of this one issue, but I understand that people need intimacy.
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,611,053 times
Reputation: 24023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee View Post
I'm trying to be helpful here, so don't jump on me. Have you guys told your wives exactly how you feel about this lack of intimacy? Do they know this is a deal breaker that could potentially end the marriage? Have you planned a weekend getaway with your wives to try to get things going again? Sometimes the daily grind and kids wreak havoc with one's love life, but time away can re-ignite that area. I'd hate to see your marriages end, especially when the love is still alive, because of this one issue, but I understand that people need intimacy.
This is a good post, and so true. Communication! A kick in the a$$.
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:32 PM
 
Location: West Chester, Ohio
122 posts, read 343,303 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee View Post
I'm trying to be helpful here, so don't jump on me. Have you guys told your wives exactly how you feel about this lack of intimacy? Do they know this is a deal breaker that could potentially end the marriage? Have you planned a weekend getaway with your wives to try to get things going again? Sometimes the daily grind and kids wreak havoc with one's love life, but time away can re-ignite that area. I'd hate to see your marriages end, especially when the love is still alive, because of this one issue, but I understand that people need intimacy.
Yes Sunny, I have told her how I feel. It didn't change a thing. I do not bring this up often at all, really I don't. The two times I brought it up this year she became very defensive. And, I knew someone would suggest counseling....my take on that is this: If she cannot tell me why she doesn't want to be intimate in the privacy of our own home, I'm sure as heck not going to go in front of a 3rd party and let who knows what come out. She knows it's hurting me, not to mention the deep frustrations it causes, which is only natural. So no, they'll be no counseling. I've never been abusive or expressed uncontrolled anger so she can't be afraid to talk, she just won't. She is a beautiful woman and it kills me to not be able to be physical with her.
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,611,053 times
Reputation: 24023
Quote:
Originally Posted by fletchman1957 View Post
She is a beautiful woman and it kills me to not be able to be physical with her.
I seen pics of you, and your not to bad yourself!
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:47 PM
 
Location: West Chester, Ohio
122 posts, read 343,303 times
Reputation: 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
I seen pics of you, and your not to bad yourself!
I just viewed your profile pic. You are an Angel! haha
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Old 09-14-2009, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Birmingham
756 posts, read 1,715,542 times
Reputation: 924
If she is taking something like zoloft or paxil it will ruin the drive and you should take that into consideration. However, it still is an issue and the best way to handle it is to ask if there is something wrong that is prohibiting her. Address any issues and if she says there are none, tell her how serious the situation is and ask for her suggestions on how the two of you could resolve it.

Also, being female, I have to ask, does she work and then come home and work work work some more? Cook, clean the dishes get the children to do their homework, put them in the bath, put them to bed etc; with out your help? This is a huge turnoff and very tiresome.
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