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Old 09-15-2009, 05:37 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 15,078,196 times
Reputation: 19396

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It's her body. She will have to go through a pregnancy, birth, and will in most likelihood also do the vast majority of the work in bringing up the child. How is that her husband's choice ?

How arrogant for a man to think he owns someone else's body and mind. To sabotage a woman's birth control is a form of mind rape ( as rape is about control). A woman has the right to chose whether or not to get impregnated.

If you love someone you don't put a condition like "I will only carry on loving you if you give birth"....
You either love someone or you don't. Sounds to me like the guy has no respect, no love , not even the slightest shred of affection for his wife.

When such irreconcilable differences are present, divorce seems the best solution. Forcing your wife to become pregnant against her deepest will or tricking her into it is hateful, vile and utterly disrespectful.

Motherhood should be a desired state not something which someone is pressured or tricked into. A Baby should be wanted wanted, longed for, desired.

If the wife feels like that I suspect she is quite likely to have an abortion which is definitely not desirable either, and could cause her the worst of psychological agony .

What a nice man . What price for a Baby ? If he wants kids that much why not find someone who wants them . Though looking at his attitude I suspect he is unable to love a piece of cheese never mind a child and would make an appalling parent to begin with as parenthhod is not only about love but about respect. Which he obviously seriously lack. Women are not mere reproducing machines. Odd as this may sound we actually possess our own mind, capacity to reason , intellect and our own feelings. And the RIGHT to our body and mind.

When I started to get really serious about my Fiance, we discussed this very issue in great depth and thankfully neither of us had ever wanted children . Had he tricked me by sabotaging my birth control, I would not only have had an abortion but also hated him with so much rage it would probably have consumed me. I am not a toy . My body, and my mind are my own .

The man is a loser, I hope she finds out before it's too late and dump him like the piece of childish , immature trash he is.

To me the reverse is also true. Any woman who tricks a man into having a baby is a complete loser and derserves to be alone for the rest of her life.
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:21 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,011 posts, read 22,166,533 times
Reputation: 10203
Default Wife Doesn't Want Kids, Should Husband Sabotage Her Birth Control?

NO!!! He should just get a divorce, if having a child means that much to him. And not feeling that they can afford to start making children is a very valid reason to want to have them. I'm sure this husband has no idea what really is involved in having a baby and raising it to childhood. His wife is probably the one that manages their household budget. Even just being the one that goes to the grocery store and knowing how much her husband makes in income is enough to figure out how stressed their lives would be if they started adding babies into their lives at this point.
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:33 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,011 posts, read 22,166,533 times
Reputation: 10203
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
He didn't mention what kind of birth control she is using but I have heard of this type of thing before. In fact, one of the callers said her now ex-husband did the same thing to her and actually told her when she was 5 mo. pregnant, what he had done. The husband actually said he was doing his wife a favor because once the kid is born she will fall in love with him/her and be thrilled to be a parent. She said she felt that they were not financially secure enough to have kids and that's why she didn't want to get pregnant. He felt this was an unacceptable reason to put off having a family. This guy seemed extremely selfish to me. He kept saying he "needed a son".
I wonder if they ended up with a son or a daughter?

My sister's ex hubbie was a dairy farmer that wanted to have kids to help with the farm work. I'm sure that what he wanted were sons, he ended up with two daughters. He used to go on and on about how the rest of us needed to have kids also.

Last year at work, one of my co-workers was a 48 year old man from Peru. He was shocked that I never wanted to have kids. He kept going on and on about how wonderful babies are. Meanwhile, he was a loser whose previous job earlier in the year was being a busboy and he lives with his mother. Good thing no one wanted to have babies with him.

Raising kids well is very costly. Clothing, food plus both parents need to be able to spend quality time with them doing that parental guidance and love thing. The women get stuck with the majority of the child rearing while the men can escape to work when they need to the company of other adults.
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:57 AM
 
9,807 posts, read 6,271,189 times
Reputation: 8127
If the wife doesn't want kids and the husband does, they never should have married.

If they couldn't resolve that major difference before marriage, whjy did they think they could resolve it after marriage?
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Old 09-15-2009, 07:06 AM
 
1,159 posts, read 2,367,188 times
Reputation: 716
Hubby needs to find a new partner and this is legitimate grounds for divorce in my eyes.

Resorting to messing with his wife's birth control wouldn't sit well with a judge in any proceeding, be it divorce, custody or regarding child support. He is also forcing someone to procreate whose heard wouldn't be into raising a child. That is a formula for disaster (and taxpayers may end up footing the bill for that one somewhere down the line).
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Old 09-15-2009, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Middle America
17,717 posts, read 15,144,800 times
Reputation: 20659
If they were indeed married under the auspices they both wanted children, and she did a 180, I can see how trust would be broken in his eyes. However, screwing with somebody's body brings "breach of trust" to a totally different level. She's well within her rights to change her mind about bearing children, and he's well within his rights to exit the marriage and find a partner whose feelings on the subject are compatible with his, that being the case, if it's a priority for him to have kids...totally understandable. He's absolutely not within his rights in any way to force a pregnancy on anybody.
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Old 09-15-2009, 07:29 AM
 
3,628 posts, read 6,689,685 times
Reputation: 1943
Quote:
Originally Posted by zz4guy View Post
She was 100% gung-ho and then 100% against the idea of kids after walking down the isle. That is very very misleading. I could understand if she was half baked on the idea but to do a 180 is very dishonest. The monetary excuse only holds so much water. No, having a kid while you're on welfare is not a good idea. But if one or both of you has a stable job and you want kids then you should have them. Parents aren't able to have children forever... especially women. Now is better than later.
sorry, the woman changing her mind and being vocal about it is not equal to the man secretly sabotaging something that she thinks will work. if she's a b itch, then he's a complete utter douchebag.

we don't need any more kids in this world, especially ones that aren't wanted that will wind up screwing over whatever kids they might have thanks to a terrible childhood.
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Old 09-15-2009, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Peaks of Otter-Blue Ridge Mountains
1,182 posts, read 1,826,742 times
Reputation: 1236
Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
If the wife doesn't want kids and the husband does, they never should have married.

If they couldn't resolve that major difference before marriage, whjy did they think they could resolve it after marriage?
As I mentioned before, they went into the marriage both wanting kids & actually tried at the beginning to have kids. But last year, supposedly because of finances(or lack of), she decided it wasn't a good time to start a family. He wants kids, specifically a son, now and feels money is not a good reason to hold off on starting a family. He kept justifying his plan to mess with her birth control by stating how much he loves her and what a great relationship they have. He felt the ends justified the means. He kept repeating that she would ultimately be grateful he sabotaged the b.c. after she gave birth and "fell in love with the baby". I guess what horrified me as much or more was the responses he got from listeners who called in to the show. One woman called in and was very very angry at his deceptive plans. Two guys called in after and called the angry woman "a crazy bi*ch". At least two guys felt this was a great plan that they all could eventually look back on and be grateful and happy he "took the iniative". Pretty scary, huh?! It's sad when in this day that a woman who loudly speaks up for herself or what she percieves is right is often labled a "crazy bi*ch". He never once mentioned how his wife would even handle a pregnancy and said he would be a perfect father to "his son". I do agree that he has a right to have kids but just not with someone who no longer wants them. Men change their minds often about the right time to have kids but no one labels them "crazy" or "b*tchy". He should just get a divorce and move on but he says he loves her too much to leave her. I do fear for this woman.
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:02 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,766 posts, read 7,724,163 times
Reputation: 6305
I'd like to know how he plans on "sabotaging her birth control"? Real life isn't a soap opera and BC pills come in a very specific size blister pack, not in a bottle. It will not be very easy.

I think it's messed up that she went into the marriage at least telling him that she wanted kids then changed her mind, but as they say..two wrongs don't make a right.
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 11,189,685 times
Reputation: 9753
Maybe she realizes that this is THE issue that would make him leave. He is obviously an a**hole. And a**holes usually have more than 1 flaw. This guy probably has several and she picked the 1 that would make him leave the fastest.
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