Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Understandable, when someone actually plans to start a new thread. Sometimes a perusal of the existing thread might answer the poster's question.
But in most cases, including this one, it's a case of someone stumbling across an ancient thread and choosing to answer the original question. Again.
Again, though, this is a practice that the forum actively supports:
Quote:
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.
Oh, I think stories like yours, whether with people who more or less acquiesce to having kids, or who have buyer's remorse AFTER they have kids, are far more common than people deciding the other way after being in the childfree camp. I was really surprised when she made the active choice to become a parent, after a couple of decades of "I'm a professional auntie, but my own? No thanks!"
Although, as a person who also had children older (starting at 38) by choice, I find the "Just wait till you're 60 with college-agers" admonition to be absolutely just as eyerollingly presumptuous as anything else on these sorts of threads...it really isn't any different/less patronizing/less offensive to assume that people who have their children later in life "just haven't really thought it through" in regard to "being so old" when their children are reaching adolescence and young adulthood than it is to, say, assume that younger people "will regret what they're asking for" when they know they want vasectomies and tubal ligations at a young age. It's in general pretty presumptuous to just default to "Yeah, not really thinking that through, are you?" Personally, having both taught not only teenagers, but teenagers with serious behavioral and psychiatric problems for years, neither my husband (who became a father at 44) nor myself either has any misty, rose-colored illusions about teenage years, nor any real fear of parenting in the teenage years.
Aye, well that is great you know what you're in for there. My intent wasn't to be patronizing. Note, the emphasis that my own teenagers are a pain.
But it aligns with tons of things in life, doesn't it? I mean, people talk about how I'm gonna regret my tattoos, when I'm an old lady. About just all sorts of big life choices. But nobody's trying to really take the right to make those choices away from us, or block our path to them, for the most part.
Pretty easy for most folks (assuming they are basically fertile) to have a child, whether they can care for it or not.
Pretty easy for most folks to enlist in the military.
It's probably far easier for me to get a boob job or labiaplasty, or a face tattoo, or to permanently stretch my earlobes... Maybe the only harder thing I can think of is gender transition. Because that's a much more involved and extended process and everything.
I can start smoking easy as pie, when I'm 18. Shorten my life? No problem!
But to forfeit the right to reproduce, THAT is where we draw the line, where you just can't be given that because you might one day have regrets? I mean, every adult smoker I know has regrets. Come on...
Aye, well that is great you know what you're in for there. My intent wasn't to be patronizing. Note, the emphasis that my own teenagers are a pain.
No, it's cool. It just happens a LOT. "Wow, you're gonna be so tired when you're "old!" If I wanted to be a real dick, I could turn around with, "Yeah, but I got to spend my twenties and thirties running around the world doing amazing fun things footloose and fancy free, instead of parenting babies I couldn't so easily afford. You'll get to do that when you're 50-60, but I'm guessing I had more fun doing it at 22 than you will, and, now, I can afford to do cool things like that with my kids, too! So, you know, we all make our choices," but I don't. But I certainly do think it.
Also, I've always been the nutcase that LOVES teenagers. I've had to learn to love parenting babies and toddlers (and been successful learning it...but give me a preteen/teen any day).
Quote:
But it aligns with tons of things in life, doesn't it? I mean, people talk about how I'm gonna regret my tattoos, when I'm an old lady. About just all sorts of big life choices. But nobody's trying to really take the right to make those choices away from us, or block our path to them, for the most part.
Pretty easy for most folks (assuming they are basically fertile) to have a child, whether they can care for it or not.
Pretty easy for most folks to enlist in the military.
It's probably far easier for me to get a boob job or labiaplasty, or a face tattoo, or to permanently stretch my earlobes... Maybe the only harder thing I can think of is gender transition. Because that's a much more involved and extended process and everything.
I can start smoking easy as pie, when I'm 18. Shorten my life? No problem!
But to forfeit the right to reproduce, THAT is where we draw the line, where you just can't be given that because you might one day have regrets? I mean, every adult smoker I know has regrets. Come on...
Yeah, I'm pretty solid that, assuming unimpaired mental capacity and being of the legal age of consent, informed consent should be pretty much the gold standard to make any legal choice one chooses. I don't think physicians should be in the business of denying elective procedures because they "suspect a person doesn't know what they're getting into." Might someone regret an early decision to electively curtail their reproductive abilities? Sure. But THAT IS THEIR ISSUE TO HANDLE. There shouldn't be someone else choosing that for people who are of age, and of sound mind. The right to make decisions you may well regret is just kind of life.
They should have agreed on a plan prior to marriage...if they did and she changed her mind, then divorce, find someone else. I'm not a lawyer but somewhere in this there might be a crime should she be able to prove his interference with birth control, and if she became pregnant.
One can't help wondering if the caller who proposed it was also planning to barricade the door, so that his wife couldn't go to the abortion clinic. The guy doesn't seem too bright; he probably didn't think it through that far. IF, in fact, it was a legit call, which IMO there's reason to believe that it wasn't.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Anyone who considers this or playing other games with this dynamic where one partner wants kids and one doesn’t is a sick sociopathic individual. You don’t play games like this.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966
Yes, it took me a long time to find one who would do the procedure when I was in my late twenties. They kept saying “oh you’ll change your mind.” 25 years later no regrets ever.
While I hope the OP was lying about the audience agreeing that the man should "sabotage" the wife's birth control pill, I'm not surprise that they were suggesting to do so. Not too long ago, I was watching a brief clip on youtube. It was Wendy Williams and her day-time talk show. I guess the man (husband) changed his mind about not having kids. At first, they were on the same page, wanted kids, and got married. Then later on, for some reason, changed his mind. However, Wendy asked the question, should the woman trap the man and the majority of the audiences, mostly female, were all clapping and cheering.
Again, though, this is a practice that the forum actively supports:
The key words in the quote being "new information or opinions". How often does someone read all 12 pages of an old thread to ensure that their point of view hasn't already been addressed before posting? Maybe one time out of a hundred? Usually the "new" post is something that was brought up on page two or six or eight or ten, or maybe on all four pages. Very seldom do people use any discretion. Heck, even on current threads it's not unusual to have ten guys give the exact same answer on the first two pages.
I wish that after a certain period of time without any activity - maybe three months, but that's an arbitrary number - moderator approval would be required before new posts were published. That would certainly cut down on the number of old threads revived by spam posts, and hopefully compel legitimate posters to peruse the thread and make sure their opinion/information hadn't already been addressed before posting.
To be honest, I really don't think it's that big a deal at all. But I'm still going to razz people who bump old threads for no apparent reason.
To me that doesn't even make any sense. I mean, you give the adult patient all the info, and then they make an informed decision, where they sign forms saying, "I have been given the facts, I am making an informed consent" and then um...yeah...where is the liability? Should be the person who makes their own medical decisions.
I mean, by this logic, if I wanted my tubes tied when young, and asked my doc, and they didn't want to do it, then I got pregnant, then I should be able to sue my doctor for the costs of having and raising a baby.
But who is going to do that? No one.
It's just basic normalization of this dumbsauce idea that a woman's whole purpose in life should be that of breeding stock. No. Nope, nope, nope. Not co-signing that.
I know someone who didn’t want kids and want to do it in her 20s. Doctors refused. She ended up getting her uterus removed due to treat giant fibroids. Apparently having all of that pain was the only way it got approved.
I know someone who didn’t want kids and want to do it in her 20s. Doctors refused. She ended up getting her uterus removed due to treat giant fibroids. Apparently having all of that pain was the only way it got approved.
I mean I am glad my doc didn't refuse, but she sure tried, almost desperately it seemed, to talk me out of my tubal ligation. I think we had at least 5 conversations on different occasions about it, the last one as I was lying there ready to go under. What was so "wtf, seriously?" to me about that, was that I was 36, with two teenage sons, divorcing my husband of 18 years, and playing the field more or less with multiple casual and semi-casual relationships...and she KNEW all of that. What part of any of that would suggest to any sane person, that I might, at any moment, change my mind and decide a baby would be a good idea??
And furthermore I was having bad side effects with my hormone-based birth control. Oh but by all means it was preferable for me to keep suffering these problems, rather than take the chance I might want, at some point, to start ALL OVER with a new baby in the few years remaining where it would even be safe for me to do that...?
Anyone remember that awful, stupid Jurassic Park film, the one with the Unobtanium...I mean...Indomitous Rex...thing? And the plot line that the main female character will not be a proper complete woman until she understands motherly love, and wants babies? It is that kind of UGH WHY. No, no, the ultimate fulfillment of every woman's potential is NOT reproduction and child raising. Sorry. For some, sure, yes, and I'd never invalidate that for those who live that path, by all means rock your Mommy Mojo. But it drives me bananas that we see it like a default setting or a requirement.
I'm so glad I got my tubes tied, and my man does not want kids of his own. I'm over it. If I "one day, met a man" who wanted kids, as my doc tried to convince me I surely would, and it was the price of keeping him happy, then we would simply not be an acceptable match. Game over, we are done here. I wasn't even open to dating men who had kids younger than mine. Not turning back that clock by even a minute. Nope.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
