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Old 09-15-2009, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
523 posts, read 2,606,204 times
Reputation: 373

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zz4guy View Post
If you're 24 and dont want kids, why get married and tie yourself down?? Actually if you dont want kids, why get married at all?
It sounds like you don't think there is any reason to get married other than to procreate. That's some of the trouble I have faced with dating.

Actually, I'm 32 and I would like the deep emotional connection, stability, and hopefully happiness that come from marriage. I have always been very monogamous. I don't need to date a million people. I just need one, the right one, to be happy. I have dated a lot of people, probably a lot more than most, and it's really not fun, anymore. I just want to be with someone who understands and truly cares for me and vice-versa. It just has to be right--not sure how else to describe it. Unfortunately, when there is a "deal-breaker", it often prevents a true emotional connection from forming and it can never be right. I don't know if "marriage" per se is the end all be all for me but a REAL relationship that lasts more than a few weeks or months would be great.
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Old 09-15-2009, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
523 posts, read 2,606,204 times
Reputation: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
I think that your main problem is that you live in NC. I've found that people who live in the southern states tend to be very christian. And christians are all about going forth and multiplying. Making babies seems to be their christian duty. But up here in New England, I've never had a problem finding men that are interested in marriage but not having children.
Well, I've only lived in NC for a couple of years and I've spent most of my life "up North" so I know it's not just here. Yes, there are more conservative Christians here but half the people here are transplants from the North, anyway so I really don't think that's it. I don't believe any of the guys I've dated here were very religious at all so that hasn't been as much of a factor as one would expect. The kid thing has been a major factor, though. I have certainly met people who are already married who don't want to have kids but never single people. I also know several couples who got married and really wanted to have kids and have now changed their minds so it sucks that my uncertainty is a dealbreaker since things do change for a lot of people.
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Old 09-15-2009, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,031,008 times
Reputation: 3727
Someone earlier mentioned something about southerners and christianity, that's partly true but also, men your age are are at that point where they DO want to settle down and get married and have kids.
When I was single, I had a head start on a lot of younger guys (that's who I dated) and I already had kids and had been married before, I too found it difficult to find a guy who just wanted to be in a relationship and wasn't thinking about kids. I finally found one but he was / is 7 years younger than I am - not that it makes a difference but it's for reference I guess.

He never did want kids, and that was okay with me because I had already had mine so it worked out well. So, yours could be part age, geographics, etc... I think they are out there but you may have to look around in a bigger area. Good luck!!!
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:21 PM
 
Location: USA
2,593 posts, read 3,560,597 times
Reputation: 2222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
Eew! 40's? blech!

OP: there ARE guys out there that dont want kids. Dont give up. You'll find one
lol

What's wrong with that?

I know a lady the OP's age that has a husband that's 51.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:21 PM
 
Location: USA
3,966 posts, read 9,393,611 times
Reputation: 2199
You need to find a strong headed, goal oriented, teleological kind of man. A guy with money won't solve your needs. Typically men, like myself, the teleological kind, grew up at a young age. When our early 20's hit, we needed to figure out who we are, mid life crisis in the 20's, go figure. Then come mid 20's everything is figured out and working towards the goals we set. There will be bumps, but again, money is not the solution.

I married my wife because she is older then myself and I understood what came with that. Typically older comes with less to no drama, maturity to handle most situations, and since im old at heart she fit the bill.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
3,398 posts, read 7,129,747 times
Reputation: 2839
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoomzoom3 View Post
lol

What's wrong with that?

I know a lady the OP's age that has a husband that's 51.

Because most people when they turn 40 look like they're melting. Everything starts to head downward....

OP is in early 30's, and therefore not melting yet. Then again, Im 22, so the idea of someone in their 40's is just..no.
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Old 09-15-2009, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
523 posts, read 2,606,204 times
Reputation: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colddiamond102 View Post
Because most people when they turn 40 look like they're melting. Everything starts to head downward....

OP is in early 30's, and therefore not melting yet. Then again, Im 22, so the idea of someone in their 40's is just..no.
Yeah, I am not attracted to men in their 40s. It's just a huge turnoff to me to see much older men with younger women so age is a factor. A lot of guys in their 30s even look really old to me (bad skin damage and such). It's not just a looks thing, though--I just really don't have much in common with a 45-year-old.
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:06 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,607,411 times
Reputation: 7537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anu2 View Post
I just can't seem to meet anyone who doesn't want to have kids but who is looking for a long-term, committed relationship. Every guy I've ever dated has wanted kids and I have always tell them early on that I don't think I do or don't know.
There are plenty of men in your age group who want a long-term, committed relationship, but don't want kids. I'm one of them. But I think it's good you're being upfront about that, even if it limits the pool of possibilities. I agree with the others that being in NC doesn't help matters. And even though you haven't had much luck with online dating, that seems to be the best place to start. When you meet someone, you have no idea how they feel about having kids and have to take the time to get to know them. Online dating lets you answer that question before ever meeting.
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:07 PM
 
951 posts, read 1,603,786 times
Reputation: 643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anu2 View Post
I admit that I'm picky but when I say that I want someone who has it together, I mean the following:

- Financially stable (does not mean rich)
- No addictive behaviors (drugs, smoking, alcoholism)
- Has a healthy lifestyle
- No major mental issues

I don't think that's too much to ask. At least I hope that's not because I can't imagine "giving" on one of these items.
Men who are good looking almost invariably want to "spread their seed" and will do it with a number of different women, if given the oportunity.

There are plenty of men who don't want children but you'll probably have to settle for "less" than you think you deserve. Such men are in other respects good people but I suspect that this won't suit you.

This is probably the reason why divorced men are in demand. Women wanted them for their obvious attributes but they now expect them to have given up on more procreation!
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Old 09-15-2009, 01:41 PM
 
Location: USA
2,593 posts, read 3,560,597 times
Reputation: 2222
Well if you are wanting to be a Puma, you'll likely keep facing the same problems.

Not all guys that are 30+ need ED meds, or are pooping in their depends contrary to common belief. lol
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