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Old 06-02-2012, 12:43 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,485 posts, read 16,483,794 times
Reputation: 13216

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Quote:
Originally Posted by deliz View Post
What ???? He had gay experiences to fit in ??? That is theee dumbest thing I've ever heard. Don't get me wrong tons of gay friends. Gay roomate even but really I would NEVER have sex with a woman to fit in. Dumb dumb dumb. P.s. my gay roomate agrees with me.
Well is it any dumber than a gay man marrying a straight woman? At least then he knew for sure he was straight. I'd have been suspicious if I was his wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Back then these young men would've felt pressured into marrying...I do wonder how they'd coped with the sex part. Think of hot guys while having sex with your wife? lol.
the ex wasn't telling. I asked him point blank after he came out if he'd been fantasizing about men the whole time and he denied it so I added that to my long list of claims he made that I didn't believe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
I've met gay men who were married to straight women, but I've never met the women from these arrangements.
Sure you have--you know me.

And to another poster--the ex had no fashion sense whatsoever. He looked just like a slightly rumpled guy who wore college and sports t-shirts. He never farted in bed though--should have been my first clue. See the problem is that people, and that includes gays many times, have these stereotypes about what gay people are supposed to look like and talk like and be. Well they're just people you know. And while I was angry that the man wasted 25 years of my life, I did have some sympathy for what he went through.
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Old 06-03-2012, 10:16 AM
 
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,807,889 times
Reputation: 36714
This one is sooooooo easy!!!!


LOVE IS BLIND!
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Old 06-03-2012, 10:43 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 1,787,144 times
Reputation: 2539
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigeonhole View Post
How do some women marry gay men?

Because these guys are not really gay, they are straight or bisexual at best, but they play a certain game - being a metrosexual -that a certain kind of women adore.
Example : a friend of my former wife, who was a reporter in a Gay magazine, played being gay, dressed as a gay, went to gay bars - but he married and had 2 children .
In fact he was straight (well, maybe he had one gay experience or two just to be accepted in gay circles), and his wife and other intimate friends/family knew all along it was a charade just to be able to make a career in the gay press !
Hahahahahahahahaa.....hello....he was gay. Life in the house of mirrors!

There are some twisty ones out there, you just have to take my word for it.

This one -- he told his wife he had to have one gay experience or two just to be accepted in gay circles. 911 call to the Truth Police! As a form of reality check -- is any really straight guy ever going to do that???? No, right?
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:12 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,267,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Sure you have--you know me.
Sorry, I meant in person. I'm sure I've met many straight people that were or are currently married to a gay person online.
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:13 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 1,787,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
1. No, he didn't take Viagra. I doubt many married gay men take Viagra. Well, maybe they do now, but that would be a recent phenomenon.

2. I suppose if he were grossed out, he would have had trouble, but like I said, he wanted to want his wife. Not being aroused and being grossed out are different.

3. You can't seriously have never heard of mercy ****s or jokes about butter faces, putting paper bags over girls' heads, keeping the lights off, and other crass, frat-boy comments. Guys have sex with girls all the time and laugh later about how ugly ot fat or gross they were. Some toothless meth hooker with scabs all over her body is getting some right now.

4. Men in prison.

5. It makes me sad that I have to tell you these things, Artsy.
Now, I didn't read all the pages of this thread, but Julia's post jumped out and I want to address it, especially #3.

I learned that men can have sex under circumstances having little to do with the partner. A lot of people are saying that on this thread. I learned some intimate partners can be thinking of something or someone else.

Also, sex can be about power -- "I will do this to you because I can." That's what rape is about -- forcing someone, even if they might be initially willing, creating a scenario where the raped person feels there is no choice, no reciprocity, and the act is done out of contempt and hate and not love and desire. Some people get their jollies that way. [I wrote something here, but deleted it, because it is too difficult for me to tell.] He did things during the day that showed his contempt too, he still shows his contempt for me, but our marriage is a thing of the past.

Of course it wasn't always like this! When we were dating (4 years, it wasn't like I felt I didn't know him!) he bowled me over with his extravagant romantic gestures. He would take me to the opera and art shows (yes, I know, lol) and ask me what artwork I liked, and sometimes he would buy it. He wined and dined me in the best restaurants (only years later did I see his long lingering looks at the waiters!). He bought me wonderful presents, sent me beautiful greeting cards when he was away. He fantasized about our kids and our life together. He seemed "wholesome" -- he was from a traditional (and I learned later, homophobic) family in the Midwest.

And we do have kids, and they turned out great. Many gay men have kids. The New Yorker writer Honor Moore wrote an amazing profile on her dad, the Anglican bishop of New York -- Ms. Moore was one of NINE children by the bishop and his wife, and the whole time, 30 years, he kept a relationship going with another man, and had other same-sex dalliances on the side.

I'm not sure I buy that people's sexuality is "fluid". I think you are what you are. But some people feel they have to suppress their true selves, and some of them do that at a pretty early age. A lifetime of suffering can ensue, not only for the closet case, but for the hetero partner.
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:17 AM
 
106 posts, read 141,148 times
Reputation: 204
How can you have sex with a woman time and time again but be considered gay ? That's like a man havin sex with another man on a consistent basis but claiming to be straight. I'm confused.
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:21 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 7,616,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyboy View Post
How can you have sex with a woman time and time again but be considered gay ? That's like a man having sex with another man on a consistent basis but claiming to be straight. I'm confused.
He just imagines that his wife has a hairy chest.
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:41 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 1,787,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyboy View Post
How can you have sex with a woman time and time again but be considered gay ? That's like a man havin sex with another man on a consistent basis but claiming to be straight. I'm confused.
You know, as they used to say in Victorian times -- "Close your eyes and think of England."

But the two examples you stated are not the same, at all. Hopefully, you will never need to know about this.
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Old 06-03-2012, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Morrisville, NC
7,710 posts, read 10,149,580 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyboy View Post
How can you have sex with a woman time and time again but be considered gay ? That's like a man havin sex with another man on a consistent basis but claiming to be straight. I'm confused.
Well, there is societal pressure to be straight. Many men probably just went along, maybe wondering why they were attracted to certain men or why sex with women just did not seem to be all that to them. Then eventually realized why. Just like many people have heterosexual sex with people for years that they connect with on some level, but never feel completely fulfilled sexually or wonder what the fuss is about, then one day meet someone more compatible and finally understand.

Then there are those like the situation I posted earlier where the guy did it with malice and forethought as a means to an end.
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Old 06-03-2012, 02:19 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,485 posts, read 16,483,794 times
Reputation: 13216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyboy View Post
How can you have sex with a woman time and time again but be considered gay ? That's like a man havin sex with another man on a consistent basis but claiming to be straight. I'm confused.
OK, let's just bust this myth and I don't know how many ways I can tell you guys--gay men who are married do have sex with their wives and on a pretty regular basis. We were on an every other night schedule for years and he pouted on the rare occasions when I turned him down. Maybe he's not actually 100% gay but I have serious doubts that he'll ever go back to dating a woman. (and I'd kill him if he did.) And things worked very dependably until he was about 45 and started to take viagra and as far as I know he still needs it even though he has what he now wants. How do you pin a label on this? You just don't so why try? For now he is gay. Before, he chose to be straight.

An amusing story--after he came out but before he left, I was in a silly mood and I'd just gotten out of the shower and I shook my breasts at him and teased, "These, they were wasted on you!" He looked a little sheepish and said, "No they weren't, I still liked them." Go figure. And no, they're not hairy.
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