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Old 09-18-2009, 07:44 AM
 
11,387 posts, read 12,653,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CHICAGOLAND92 View Post
I always found this interesting. Didn't you guys test drive the car before you bought it?

Since you brought it up and I haven't made a thread on this here is what my friend is doing.

She is a very attractive female. Little heavy but very nice. She is with a guy who has openly confessed to being with another man. I think everyone and their brother has come up and told her about his past. It doesn't seem to affect her either way.

My question is: "Once you go gay...do you ever go back?"

I am so concerned for her. I don't want her to get hurt with a guy that has played on both sides of the fence. It's gross and I can't understand what she is thinking.
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Old 09-18-2009, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,464 posts, read 22,692,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
1. No, he didn't take Viagra. I doubt many married gay men take Viagra. Well, maybe they do now, but that would be a recent phenomenon.

2. I suppose if he were grossed out, he would have had trouble, but like I said, he wanted to want his wife. Not being aroused and being grossed out are different.

3. You can't seriously have never heard of mercy ****s or jokes about butter faces, putting paper bags over girls' heads, keeping the lights off, and other crass, frat-boy comments. Guys have sex with girls all the time and laugh later about how ugly ot fat or gross they were. Some toothless meth hooker with scabs all over her body is getting some right now.

4. Men in prison.
Ditto to all of this. The few gay guys I know who have been involved with women did so because they didn't want to be gay at the time. They wanted to be in love with the women they were engaged/married to, and they were in love with them while at the same time not being true to themselves. I know that a lot of gay men have the "eew, gross, women" mindset, but sexuality isn't always that black and white.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 09-18-2009 at 08:28 AM..
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Old 09-18-2009, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,432 posts, read 24,199,022 times
Reputation: 24745
Nothing in relationships is black and white. Ever.

A relative of mine is very open about her lesbian, long term, relationship. She says she isn't even sure she IS a lesbian. She fell in love with the person, not her genitalia. She does find some men attractive. She can imagine herself being with a man and liking sex.

Back in the 70's I had a male friend I always assumed was gay. It freaked me out when he asked me for a date. I was honest and told him I'd always thought he was gay. He told me he wasn't sure and was trying to find out.

I agree with the people who said some gay people marry and have children because they don't want to be gay. I'm also pretty sure there are people who just love the person in spite of their gender rather than because of it.
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Old 09-18-2009, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Chicagoland area
546 posts, read 2,235,125 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Jack22 View Post
It would be nice to post something of some substance to my posts.

Are you biologically a straight woman? I mean a woman who was born straight?

I've heard you many times mention that you are a straight woman.

So it is not a choice to be gay or straight, therefore, you are naturally that way.
With all due respect, this is not the point of this thread. Regardless if gay is biological or caused by events in a persons life or whatever reasoning you may have, it not germane to the point of this topic.

I've seen how other threads (which regard gay people but not WHY they are gay) always spiral out of hand to the point where the thread has to be closed because it's so far off topic. It's better to put out the fire when it's little rather than when it's out of control.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
4. Men in prison.
This is something else I've always wondered aboutn [sex in prison]. I don't plan on going jail to find out, but how is this even possible?

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Nothing in relationships is black and white. Ever.

A relative of mine is very open about her lesbian, long term, relationship. She says she isn't even sure she IS a lesbian. She fell in love with the person, not her genitalia. She does find some men attractive. She can imagine herself being with a man and liking sex.

Back in the 70's I had a male friend I always assumed was gay. It freaked me out when he asked me for a date. I was honest and told him I'd always thought he was gay. He told me he wasn't sure and was trying to find out.

I agree with the people who said some gay people marry and have children because they don't want to be gay. I'm also pretty sure there are people who just love the person in spite of their gender rather than because of it.
I remember reading somewhere that sexuality is much more fluid in women than in men. Some have even gone as far to say that women don't even have a set sexuality (nevermind the majority of women who exclusively act with men)

Guys are totally different. Whereas I wouldn't mind dating a chick who would enjoy checking out chicks with me, I'm sure most women would be freaked out if their man was checking out other men with them.
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Old 09-18-2009, 03:12 PM
 
Location: The Mango Tree
2,115 posts, read 4,388,212 times
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I believe in the Kinsey scale. I think sometimes its hard to strictly define things.


Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Old 09-18-2009, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,441 posts, read 4,860,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CHICAGOLAND92 View Post
With all due respect, this is not the point of this thread. Regardless if gay is biological or caused by events in a persons life or whatever reasoning you may have, it not germane to the point of this topic.

I've seen how other threads (which regard gay people but not WHY they are gay) always spiral out of hand to the point where the thread has to be closed because it's so far off topic. It's better to put out the fire when it's little rather than when it's out of control.



This is something else I've always wondered aboutn [sex in prison]. I don't plan on going jail to find out, but how is this even possible?



I remember reading somewhere that sexuality is much more fluid in women than in men. Some have even gone as far to say that women don't even have a set sexuality (nevermind the majority of women who exclusively act with men)

Guys are totally different. Whereas I wouldn't mind dating a chick who would enjoy checking out chicks with me, I'm sure most women would be freaked out if their man was checking out other men with them.
Whatever. There is a reason I posted what I did, so what I said was very relevant to the topic.

Sexuality appears more fluid in women because since the early 90s, women have been influenced by different means to live bisexual lives.
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Old 09-18-2009, 08:28 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,404,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieZ View Post
I'd say they desperately don't want to be gay or they may even believe if they live with a woman, they can get rid of the gay-ness. It can't be easy to never be accepted because of your sexual orientation. To not disappoint their family, they may do it, just like someone who studies to be doctor or whatever to make parents proud. People do lots of things they, deep down, know are wrong. It's not always because they're just horribly deceitful liars, they may just want to fit in so bad that they lose track of the fact that being true to yourself is all that matters and once they start playing that role, how do they stop? So they stay till they get caught. I think it's sad for everyone involved. The women married to them probably do see the more sensitive side and the feminine side as a positive; love being blind...it does mess up judgment and you see what you want to see...
This comes closest to the truth of what anyone has said on here. First of all, there is the sliding Kinsey scale. Then there is the fact that young men have been known to poke just about anything, including a sheep if that's all that's available. When they get caught is when they get older and can no longer perform with a partner who is not their choice. That's why you hear of so many 20-30 year marriages going bust over this type of situation--even viagra can't raise it from the dead. Yes, I was married to one of these for 23 years, and I"m not a head-in-the-sand type of person.

Some stereotypes I've seen mentioned on here that are not necessarily true: my husband never wanted to go shopping with me, not even to the grocery store. My husband has no eye for fashion. He never did have a sensitive bone in his body. He is not a metrosexual--he's known in the gay world as a "bear," which means he is burly and furry. The only stereotype that he meets is that he cooks really well. I've had several dates with men since my husband left and all of them had more of a feminine side than my husband ever did--and I'm pretty sure that 50 yo gay men are not trying to date women anymore--not at this point in their life. I had a date admit to being bi, and I lost interest completely, b/c if I wanted that in my life, I'd have stayed married.

After he came out I ran crying to my gay hairdresser, my favorite therapist-- and he's obviously gay. He told me that he had sex with a woman a couple of times and had no problems with performance, but it just wasn't for him. He said he gets angry with men who do that to their wives, b/c it gives all gays a bad name. I reassured him that I don't hate gays b/c of this. I really do understand why a man would do this--in the beginning of the relationship, he thinks he has a choice so obviously he wants to be normal. But as time goes on and he realizes that his wife just doesn't turn him on that much, he thinks more and more about men, and the performance problems begin. The only thing that I'm really angry about is that my husband sat me down a few days before he dropped the bomb and told me that I'm not attractive to him anymore and that he couldn't perform b/c I had let myself go.

As for your original question: yes, I did test drive the car, and I was no virgin when we got together, and everything seemed pretty normal to me, though not too exciting. But then some straight men are probably not too exciting either. The frequency of sex was . . . frequent. So it is a myth that gay men can't perform or that they are grossed out by sex with women.
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Old 09-19-2009, 11:45 PM
 
4,837 posts, read 7,596,115 times
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Default How do some women marry gay men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CHICAGOLAND92 View Post
How do some women run up enormous debt?
They sign on the dotted line.
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:19 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,734 posts, read 6,172,701 times
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Stepka, I think your husband was definitely wrong in telling you, you had let yourself go and that's why he wasn't attracted to you, what a burden to put on someone you've supposedly loved all those years...I hope you can, by now believe he was just squirming for a way to tell the truth..but that was very unfair treatment.
I heard of the Kinsey scale from comedian Eddie Izzard and I do believe that explains it best.
I'm pretty sure of all the marriages that fail, quite a few are for the same reason you've experienced but many times the partner never finds out the truth. I've heard of people finding their husband/wife in bed with a same sex partner, so it happens more often than we think.
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Old 09-20-2009, 02:10 AM
 
10,996 posts, read 11,134,963 times
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I used to have a semi - gay boyfriend back in the days. He wasn't doing it with any guys, but he was curious and confessed to liking men a lot. At first, he seemed like such a masculine , non-gay guy. When he told me, I was so into him, that it was a big dissapointment and sort of wondered why on earth he was wasting his time on me. I asked him why he was hanging out with me, cus we were friends and he seemed to want more. He just said he thought I was preety. A few hours later after he said I was preety, he put all the moves on me. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. We were very happy together and shared many things. He was very open sexually and in many other ways. I think that if the relationship had lasted to where we would of married someday, I would of forgave him if he ever slipped up and had sex with a man. He was just a very decent guy and having him around was a real treat. I liked him a lot. But I think I would have left him if he had another woman on the side. For me, that would of crossed the line.
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