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Old 09-24-2009, 10:23 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,614 posts, read 8,791,438 times
Reputation: 9220

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CHICAGOLAND92 View Post
Why do you think your husband was gay?
And furthermore, if he WAS gay, how was he able to get it up?

I just say this because I'm a man and can't fathom being attracted to a guy, no matter how bad the urges get. I assume it would be the same way for gay men?
If a man marries a woman and she doesn't suspect that he's gay, then chances are that he's bi. People can slide up and down that Kinsey scale in their lifetime though, so watch out Chicagoland. I'm teasing, but I suspect that my husband was more straight than gay in the beginning, though he must have had fantasies. (he swore he was too freaked out to do even that when he was young though) But somehow, that part of himself came more to the fore, as he aged. I had the feeling towards the end that he couldn't handle my aging body, but if he truly loved me and was staight, I don't think that would have been an issue, since I look reasonably decent for my age. Not a knock-out, but not a dog either and I aged well.
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Old 02-14-2010, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Florida
3,360 posts, read 3,401,628 times
Reputation: 1801
Why do some women marry gay men?
Cause with a feminane gay, you get the best of both worlds...you get someone you can shop with, talk about soap operas with, ect ect...

A gay man with feminine traits, is a womans dream...
A straight normal acting hetro male...might make the woman yawn...I don't know...
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:29 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,614 posts, read 8,791,438 times
Reputation: 9220
sigh. . .
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:34 PM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,327,182 times
Reputation: 13233
Quote:
Originally Posted by CHICAGOLAND92 View Post
I always found this interesting. Didn't you guys test drive the car before you bought it?
My best friend's dad is gay. He was married for 13-15 years and I guess he couldn't take it any more. He came out and got divorced. This was in the 80s. I suppose that's when it became safer for homosexuals to surface. He's been with his boyfriend for more than 20 years now. They'd get married if they could.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:12 PM
 
268 posts, read 456,446 times
Reputation: 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Nothing in relationships is black and white. Ever.

A relative of mine is very open about her lesbian, long term, relationship. She says she isn't even sure she IS a lesbian. She fell in love with the person, not her genitalia. She does find some men attractive. She can imagine herself being with a man and liking sex.

Back in the 70's I had a male friend I always assumed was gay. It freaked me out when he asked me for a date. I was honest and told him I'd always thought he was gay. He told me he wasn't sure and was trying to find out.

I agree with the people who said some gay people marry and have children because they don't want to be gay. I'm also pretty sure there are people who just love the person in spite of their gender rather than because of it.
I have a good friend who is like your relative. She is with a woman mainly because she is afraid of men since she was sexually molested as a child. She said she just can't be with a man, to many bad memories. Child Molesters are evil.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Ottawa,Ontario
10 posts, read 12,751 times
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Well, most gay man are more sensitive and understand the need of a woman, and can also look views from their partners point better than straight man. But well, not all straight man are that senseless and all.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:22 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,593 posts, read 22,442,396 times
Reputation: 6069
Its all been made possible by denial, lots of it to go around for both people in the marriage.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Houston
3,567 posts, read 1,678,483 times
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I know some gays that were so afraid of coming out that they married and had kids. Most people here say they were married 15-20 years... 20 years ago it was different. Easier for them today and they take advantage of that.
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Old 02-16-2010, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Springfield VA
4,033 posts, read 5,173,323 times
Reputation: 1420
Quote:
Originally Posted by Time and Space View Post
Why do some women marry gay men?
Cause with a feminane gay, you get the best of both worlds...you get someone you can shop with, talk about soap operas with, ect ect...

A gay man with feminine traits, is a womans dream...
A straight normal acting hetro male...might make the woman yawn...I don't know...
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
sigh. . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by JWolfeSilver View Post
Well, most gay man are more sensitive and understand the need of a woman, and can also look views from their partners point better than straight man. But well, not all straight man are that senseless and all.
As a gay guy had to say something. Yeah Stepka I sighed too.

The majority of women who find themselves married to gay men are married to very masculine men. Most women and a lot of gay men don't like the swishy types. A gay man marrying a woman is all about trickery. You can't trick a gal if you're shopping and watching soap operas. Usually men on the DL are the most hyper-macho guys.

As far as being able to perform. That's not too hard. For women its more about emotino and stuff men can seperate sex and emotion very easily so think about something else perform and it will still feel good for both parties. A friend of mine said that sex is a basic body function. He also said that not every meal he eats will be filet minon but he still has to eat.

Gay men are not sensitive this is a myth. Straight men are way more sensitive to a woman's needs than most gay men. Me and a straight friend recently had a lengthy conversation about relationships and stuff. We talked about my lack thereof, because I can get my needs taken care of fairly easily in a big city. Relationships are expensive luxury items if you ask me. He explained that with a woman you have to be sensitive to what she wants if you want to continue seeing her. Men on the other hand not so much. Without dealing with women I think gay men lack sensitivity some are more feminine than others but that shouldn't be mistaken for sensitivity. Some of the most aggressive men I've ever met were wearing dresses at the time. Also gay men are vicious and ruthless with each other but fairly nice to women.
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Old 02-17-2010, 12:25 AM
 
Location: south coast near Vancouver
236 posts, read 138,966 times
Reputation: 160
lol, well, this gay couple disagrees with some of what we see here. Many gay men are very sensitive towards women, many are not. The same rings true with straight guys.

A gay man that marries a woman does it out of denial, or fear, or both. A Bi man falls in love with the person, but if he's not an emotionally mature individual, can very well decide to explore the other gender. Bi men also marry or settle down out of fear of ostracism or denial that they are attracted to both sexes and it's worse when some are indecisive. Best scenario for marriages are Bi men and women marrying each other. Best scenario straight men and women married and gay women, men in same sex marriages. Same goes for dating and living common law, unless very open lines of communication and mutual open relationship rules are followed, yes?

stepka, I always feel a pang when reading posts like yours. It must have been very difficult; it is so unfair for a gal to have that happen. How did it rsolve? Are you still with him or just friends? I came close to doing it at 20, just to be accepted back in the 70s - but the thought of hurting another was too too great. I would rather be alone, I thought, and eventually, here we are.


We've been together 20 years (monotonous, erm, monogamous. lol, that joke always makes me laugh)
and married each other last summer. We were the only gays at the ceremony - everyone else was straight! Pics on the profile.

-Doug of thosemeninlove
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