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Old 09-18-2009, 05:46 AM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 8,023,460 times
Reputation: 1812

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katlakat View Post
And for that reason, which isn't fair to you when he's doing the cheating to doubt yourself,

I want him to admit to doing this. That for me would be the ultimate payment for his crimes. Hear yourself say it to me. Cleanse that, while I pack.

But seriously, if there is doubt, mistrust, and sneaky-sneaky, I should be gone anyways, that's no way to have a relationship.
I agree. We have instincts for a reason. And turns out my ex is just a secret keeper. He keeps things from his parents to this day, but what he still doesn't get, is that they know that about him. His mother outright told me she knows the divorce isn't my fault.
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Old 09-18-2009, 08:05 AM
 
12,254 posts, read 13,479,761 times
Reputation: 14115
Quote:
Originally Posted by jfre81 View Post
If there's no trust, there's nothing, and we might as well call up the divorce lawyers right then and there.
Amen.

My SO always pulls crap that makes me think she thinks I'm up to something.

Like last night. My van would not start. I had to get my bike out of the back of the van and ride to a store to let the van sit for a bit. When I got back it still wouldn't start. I then headed back to the store an bought starting fluid. I rode back. Got it started and loaded the bike back in the van. Then headed home.

When she questioned my whereabouts I had to go through the whole process. There wasn't anything that would show she was sad I had all that trouble. She never has that trouble since she drives a $12,000 vehicle and I drive a $1,000 vehicle.

At any rate. I sometimes tell her I met up with a big boobed blonde and we had sex in the Deja Vu parking lot for a couple of hours. That usually shuts her up. Truth to her never is satisfying enough. 10 more years.

One time I told her after a fight we had that I went to the movies. Some weeks later she questioned that I even went to the movies that night. I had to dig up the movie receit and I through it at her.

Some women have their own issues.
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Old 09-18-2009, 08:23 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,456,262 times
Reputation: 2783
I have a instinct that tells me what is going on. I came home one time after being gone on a long trip and noticed "our" picture was no longer on the head of our bed and things were out of place in the bathroom. I knew then, he was cheating. Sure enough people told me he had been "out" with another woman while I was gone. This is only one example of when my instinct warned me. What amazes me is it always warns me out of the clear blue sky when there is no reason to suspect anything and it is ALWAYS right! I touch them or see something and I KNOW!
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:34 AM
 
Location: downtown Sarasota
4,723 posts, read 12,392,682 times
Reputation: 2029
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
The only way to know for sure is to bust them or if they admit to it. Outside of that, some people go into instant denial, even when all the indicators are there, and want proof. Some see the signs and don't need any.

How would you process it?
Having been through this situation with a resulting divorce, I would have to say, "if it smells like a skunk, it is a skunk." Your instincts are right 99.9% of the time. IMO, even with the proof (they will deny it right to the end, most of the timeJ); it really doesn't matter. Once trust is broken, it's like a crack in an egg that even superglue struggles to fill.

I was like a maniac, collecting every shred of evidence & almost drove myself insane; everyone processes being lied to a bit different...Getting divorced was a liberation from a lie that I couldn't live any longer; nine years later, I'm doing just fine!
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