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Old 09-18-2009, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 16,329,836 times
Reputation: 10037

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Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
I will not and do not pressure him. It just came up in conversation and he asked did I want to talk about it. When we ended the conversation, he said we'll talk about it again. I am not placing the gas money over his feelings, Im just stating what's in it for me. Though, yes, I am clingy. What's in it for him , us is privacy. If I move in instead of a roommate, we will have more freedom (instead of always having to take it to the bedroom ) Just trying to look at benefits objectively.
Sweetie, the quickest way to lose a man is to be clingy. You need to slow down or none of this will work out for you. Men DO NOT like clingy! But good luck!
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,027,279 times
Reputation: 3727
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
Want to lose him? Keep pressuring him to live together. Youve already said he isnt ready to do that. Interesting how you place the importance of saving gas $$ over the importance of his comfort zone. Clingy are we?
You took the words right out of my mouth. After just five months you can't possibly put that kind of pressure on a guy to make that kind of commitment and huge step as moving in. That is closer to at least a year down the road, slow down or you're going to be single again.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:40 AM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,219,259 times
Reputation: 6262
I think 5 months is too soon. I think it really takes at LEAST 6 months to even start to get to know anyone I think. Wait until you find the stuff you do not like about him before even thinking of moving in together. I think it really helps to see the person go through something terrible or stressful so you can see both sides of them. Breakups are easier when they are not fellow lease holders. Its a lot of heavy complications to exchange for just saving some money. I am sure you could figure out a different way to save the same amount of money without that type of risk.

I personally ALWAYS miss the privacy of being alone after living with anyone at all.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:43 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,195,563 times
Reputation: 42502
I am trying not to jump all over you for this, OP, but it's hard. If this guy has children, he needs to be involved in their lives, have space for them to visit, and set a stable and healthy example for them. A good and thoughtful father will do these things. A father who is not good and thoughtful toward his children isn't worth a nickel.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:46 AM
 
283 posts, read 839,251 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I am trying not to jump all over you for this, OP, but it's hard. If this guy has children, he needs to be involved in their lives, have space for them to visit, and set a stable and healthy example for them. A good and thoughtful father will do these things. A father who is not good and thoughtful toward his children isn't worth a nickel.
He is an excellent father , the kids have regular visits and have a room at the house. He is very involved with them.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,133 posts, read 8,656,408 times
Reputation: 6088
Smile Respect

Back off a bit, start doing things for yourself, you are important too, don't just be there at his beck and call, have your own life too (isn't that what attracted him initially?) - you'll see if it progresses. Five months is way too soon.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:48 AM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,219,259 times
Reputation: 6262
^^ that could be a reason why he does not want to do it too. Its not healthy to have a partner come into the kid's life like that only to end up leaving. Seriously enjoy the slower motions. You have your whole life for living together if it is meant to be.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:51 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,195,563 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
^^ that could be a reason why he does not want to do it too. Its not healthy to have a partner come into the kid's life like that only to end up leaving. Seriously enjoy the slower motions. You have your whole life for living together if it is meant to be.
Exactly.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:52 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,195,563 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
He is an excellent father , the kids have regular visits and have a room at the house. He is very involved with them.
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that he didn't do these things. I was suggesting this is why he doesn't want you to move in yet.
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Old 09-18-2009, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,714 posts, read 21,605,903 times
Reputation: 21383
Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
My boyfriend and I (in our 30s) have been dating for about 5 months. he thinks it's too soon to move in together. I would move in today if he was agreeable to it. He has a point about it being too soon only because , to be honest , we have discussed the relationship and I have a lot more feelings for him than he does me. I really wouldn't say the situation is uncomfortable becasue of it too often. We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much. I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in. I try to be patient (he is very patient.) but I also would like this to happen as quick as possible. What does everyone think? This would save me driving ,the money I would save in gas would pay half my share of the rent and I would have more time to be with him and my pets. What's in it for him? Just the rent though he could get that from any roommate.(And a little drive time / gas money) How do you get your boyfriend to want to take it to the next level?

I dont.
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