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Old 09-18-2009, 10:48 AM
 
283 posts, read 840,899 times
Reputation: 143

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My boyfriend and I (in our 30s) have been dating for about 5 months. he thinks it's too soon to move in together. I would move in today if he was agreeable to it. He has a point about it being too soon only because , to be honest , we have discussed the relationship and I have a lot more feelings for him than he does me. I really wouldn't say the situation is uncomfortable becasue of it too often. We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much. I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in. I try to be patient (he is very patient.) but I also would like this to happen as quick as possible. What does everyone think? This would save me driving ,the money I would save in gas would pay half my share of the rent and I would have more time to be with him and my pets. What's in it for him? Just the rent though he could get that from any roommate.(And a little drive time / gas money) How do you get your boyfriend to want to take it to the next level?
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Old 09-18-2009, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,621,102 times
Reputation: 824
Moving in, to him, is probably 6 levels away. I think 5 months might be too soon. A lot of dudes need to warm up to ideas and ease into accepting it.

You are silent on his previous relationship experiences. Are you the first girlfriend that he would move in with? If he's mid-30s, never lived with a girlfriend, and likes his space, the thought moving in together might be a hard thing for him to hear and imagine.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:02 AM
 
283 posts, read 840,899 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
Moving in, to him, is probably 6 levels away. I think 5 months might be too soon. A lot of dudes need to warm up to ideas and ease into accepting it.

You are silent on his previous relationship experiences. Are you the first girlfriend that he would move in with? If he's mid-30s, never lived with a girlfriend, and likes his space, the thought moving in together might be a hard thing for him to hear and imagine.
He has only lived with 2 of his previous girlfriends, they were having his babies. (I have no plan to do this.) , We are together all the time, true, we take a night off here and there, but I don't know if space is an issue. (becasue we are always together and I even ask him if he needs some space and he always says no.)
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 3,621,102 times
Reputation: 824
Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
He has only lived with 2 of his previous girlfriends, they were having his babies. (I have no plan to do this.) , We are together all the time, true, we take a night off here and there, but I don't know if space is an issue. (becasue we are always together and I even ask him if he needs some space and he always says no.)
If that's the case, definitely take back what I said.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 16,366,128 times
Reputation: 10042
Want to lose him? Keep pressuring him to live together. Youve already said he isnt ready to do that. Interesting how you place the importance of saving gas $$ over the importance of his comfort zone. Clingy are we?
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:11 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,315,569 times
Reputation: 42508
He really doesn't sound ready at all, and there's no way you can make him be ready. Since you say that saving gas money would pay for your rent, consider renting an apartment or room near him.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:17 AM
 
283 posts, read 840,899 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Dan View Post
Want to lose him? Keep pressuring him to live together. Youve already said he isnt ready to do that. Interesting how you place the importance of saving gas $$ over the importance of his comfort zone. Clingy are we?
I will not and do not pressure him. It just came up in conversation and he asked did I want to talk about it. When we ended the conversation, he said we'll talk about it again. I am not placing the gas money over his feelings, Im just stating what's in it for me. Though, yes, I am clingy. What's in it for him , us is privacy. If I move in instead of a roommate, we will have more freedom (instead of always having to take it to the bedroom ) Just trying to look at benefits objectively.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:19 AM
 
Location: New England
914 posts, read 1,581,841 times
Reputation: 925
Quote:
Originally Posted by msboom View Post
My boyfriend and I (in our 30s) have been dating for about 5 months. he thinks it's too soon to move in together. I would move in today if he was agreeable to it. He has a point about it being too soon only because , to be honest , we have discussed the relationship and I have a lot more feelings for him than he does me. I really wouldn't say the situation is uncomfortable becasue of it too often. We are together all the time and we get along well when we are not discussing my occasional sadness due to loving him too much. I am wondering what I should do , besides give it time, to inspire him to want me to move in. I try to be patient (he is very patient.) but I also would like this to happen as quick as possible. What does everyone think? This would save me driving ,the money I would save in gas would pay half my share of the rent and I would have more time to be with him and my pets. What's in it for him? Just the rent though he could get that from any roommate.(And a little drive time / gas money) How do you get your boyfriend to want to take it to the next level?
FIVE months? Jesus Christ. You're not thinking clearly. The reasons why you're moving sounds more like convenience for YOU and not companionship. You dont GET your boyfriend to take it to the next level. It's supposed to happen naturally.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,418 posts, read 1,869,406 times
Reputation: 1494
I am guessing that if he has at least 2 kids with at least 2 women already...he may not be in any hurry to get seriously involved.
My opinion- You need to slow down (and maybe reconsider what YOU really want to get involved in.)
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:30 AM
 
Location: OKC
551 posts, read 1,722,780 times
Reputation: 416
To me the OP sounds like that stalker chick in 2 1/2 men. Just that the relationship isn't over yet.
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