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I've mentioned this before but it bears repeating again: Like someone stated, people have a low tolerance level for another's foolishness. No one wants to be with someone they'll find irritable or intolerable, period. To expect someone to put up with that is downright retarded. I understand marriage is work but at the same time if there's more bad times than good, then maybe it's time to call it quits and find someone that will give you love and happiness like the Al Green song. I'm not staying in any relationship where we're beefing one minute and the next we're all lovey-dovey loosy-goosy. Another reason IMO why many marriages/LTRs fail is because the parties don't ask themselves and/or each other this question: Can I get through the good and bad times with you?
I think there is a couple of different issues. 50 years ago women had few financial options for supporting themselves outside of marriage and there weren't programs like AFDC (aid for women with dependent children). So while some marriages were long because the relationships worked over very long periods, other relationships didn't end because the women was still better off in a bad marriage than being divorced.
Some of the increase in marriage was a good thing. Today people in really bad relationship are much more likely to not be in them than they were 50 or 75 years ago.
But the second issue is the effects of the divorce culture/feminism/sexual revolution.
Most of the social changes since the sixties have had the effect of making marriage less appealing for men and making single life more appealing. In the 50's and 60's a lot of domestic life was considered women's work. Guys didn't have to change diapers, do dishes, etc. They also had a lot more authority in the home. Additionally the widespread availability of reliable birth control made women a lot more willing to have sex outside of marriage.
In the 70's and early 80's women tried to rewrite the social contract to differing degrees of success. But marriage for men was less appealing for men than it was before this rewrite of gender roles. I imagine for the women who are actually married today, marriage is probably better for them then it was in the 50's and 60's.
But the other effect of the sexual revolution was that men were just a lot less willing to get married before fathering children. Overall 38.5% of all children born in this country are illegitimate. 70.7% of all children born to Black women are to unmarried Black women. 49.9% of all children born to Hispanic women are born to unmarried Hispanic women. For Whites the illegitimacy rate is 26.6% and for Asians its 16.3%.
So while the feminist movement probably did make marriage more appealing for women who actually managed to stay married. It also had the effect of making being single much more appealing to men meaning that a lot fewer women overall are getting married and staying married for a lot fewer years. When you consider both effects are women better off today than they were 50 or 75 years ago, I don't know.
So while the feminist movement probably did make marriage more appealing for women who actually managed to stay married. It also had the effect of making being single much more appealing to men meaning that a lot fewer women overall are getting married and staying married for a lot fewer years. When you consider both effects are women better off today than they were 50 or 75 years ago, I don't know.
I'm channelling that Mel Gibson movie, Braveheart. "It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom" Freeeeddooommmm! lol
The reason why marriages end in divorce is because people forget that it takes TWO people to make a marriage work! That involves sacrifice and compromise, but in our self-centered society people think they can and should have everything they want without having to do anything for it.
The reason why marriages end in divorce is because people have forgotten that it takes TWO people to make a marriage work! That involves sacrifice and compromise, but in our self-centered society people think they can and should have everything they want without having to do anything for it.
You compare the rate relationships breakup today compared to 20-30 years ago the change is huge. Obviously there are a number of reasons but a main one for mine is Unrealistic expectations.
People generally have a much lower tolerance for problems/issues today than historically. Take this forum as an example look at how many people wouldn't see someone because they are a smoker? 60% from memory.
I can't talk as I'm one of those 60%. That is just one Isolated issue, there are so many.
Feedback welcome.
I would cite a complete lack of personal responsibility being the #1 issue why both personal relationships and society as a whole are failing. People in general today seem to have a selfish "me first" attitude and a complete lack of any feelings of personal responsibility whatsoever. The combination is no where close to a solid foundation to build lasting relationships on.
Well some of the people make it like because it's 2012, you have to tolerate a bunch of B.S. and nonsense. Sorry but I never bought into that, I don't care what year it is. But I agree with you if you're saying people 'give up' too soon. Just that today people expect you not to have any boundaries, anything goes with a lot of these people. I don't know how they live like that.
You compare the rate relationships breakup today compared to 20-30 years ago the change is huge. Obviously there are a number of reasons but a main one for mine is Unrealistic expectations.
People generally have a much lower tolerance for problems/issues today than historically. Take this forum as an example look at how many people wouldn't see someone because they are a smoker? 60% from memory.
I can't talk as I'm one of those 60%. That is just one Isolated issue, there are so many.
Feedback welcome.
I think the media has a huge influence.
Also people fall too fast, sleep together too soon and act pretty desperate or reckless when they date someone. Most people are so unhappy with the dating scene that they take the first ticket out. They end up compromising and getting involved with someone who is not compatible with them. We are sexual beings and often confuse good sexual chemistry with love. Just because you have great sex with someone doesn't make them "the one". Just my thoughts.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jersgrl1969
I think there's a lot to be said for being ALONE.
Why does everybody feel this urgent need to be paired up with someone?
I've been married twice-still married to my 2nd husband. However if something should happen between us or he dies, I'm not gonna go on a mission to find someone else. I've been with someone since I was 18-never been 'single'. I would be just fine being by myself, raising my kids. After a while you get tired of having to worry about somebody else's "needs" all the time-especially sex. When you're single you get to do whatever pleases YOU.
Yes, sometimes you need to look at it from another angle.
Maybe our idea of marriage is too restrictive...I'm not saying marriage should be open, but the idea that you're joined at the hip...so what if you prefer sleeping in separate rooms, it doesn't indicate that there is a problem with your marriage, so what if you argue now and then, it doesn't indicate your marriage is falling apart.
Also, people these days just don't seem as romantic as in the past. To me, sentimentality is having a deep LONGING for a person, not caring about money, or responsibilities too much. We've lost a lot of that, marriage seems more like a financial arrangement sometimes. I think people marry too easily and divorce too easily - easy come easy go - people should put more thought into BOTH.
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I don't know how they live like that.
