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Unread 09-20-2009, 10:06 PM
 
Location: 'da U.P. or Bust!
1,147 posts, read 1,576,174 times
Reputation: 1137
Quote:
Originally Posted by homlish560 View Post
The question is 'Is Pre-marital Sex Expected in Relationships Now?'

Why just now???????

Pre-marital sex always has and always will be the norm. Just because it's 2009 doesn't mean things are any different than say, 1999, 1969, or 1909 when it comes to sex before Marriage.

Only difference really is people just talk about it more openly now than maybe 50 years ago. It still went on though. Even the Puritans were having fun under those long dresses and heavy coats!!!!!!!
I have to respectfully disagree. Although pre-marital sex has always happened(just like prostitution, its always been around), it was NOT the norm like it is today. I suppose the advent of birth control options (like the pill in the '50s), coupled with the sexual revolution (in the '60s), brought about the change in society where it is now socially acceptable if not outright encouraged to have pre-marital sex. In my grandparents and even my parents(although things were starting to change) time, women who had sex before marriage were considered slu+s and of low moral character. God help the poor woman who got preggers. It was either a shotgun wedding or a "home for un-wed mothers". Girls in high school were forced by school policy to drop out. Now, however, anyone who does not "hook up" by a few months is either a prude, a tease, a religious nut, or plain wierd. I am no virgin but it makes me sad that we can be as physically close as possible, becoming one entity for a few min, not to mention mentally, and then oops, we break up and everybody goes their seperate ways. I feel this sacred, meaningful act has been so cheapened and degraded that lately it has the signifigance of a handshake, it means so little.
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Unread 09-20-2009, 10:12 PM
 
Location: 'da U.P. or Bust!
1,147 posts, read 1,576,174 times
Reputation: 1137
I'm not saying I have to wait for marriage but I don't want to hook up after a month, date for a yr, then when one of us decides it's over, everybody goes their separate ways and it's like nothing that special ever transpired. Am I the only one feeling like this?
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Unread 09-20-2009, 10:17 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
19,234 posts, read 20,284,678 times
Reputation: 19829
Quote:
Originally Posted by zz4guy View Post
I dont know about that. People got married much younger and there was no birth control like condoms or the pill in the 1800s.
HAH! I'm reading through this thread out of curiosity and just had to jump on your comment before continuing on. There were plenty of birth control devices available in the 1800s and way earlier than that. Bone up on the history. Google is your friend!
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Unread 09-20-2009, 10:28 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
19,234 posts, read 20,284,678 times
Reputation: 19829
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
Is sex always expected before marriage? Would any man consider waiting until marriage or until getting engaged or is this a deal breaker? Would a woman wanting to wait for serious commitment before sex, seem wierd to you? What do you think about a woman with more traditional values? Would you still date her?
No.
Depends on the man.
No.
OK.
Yes. But I'm a woman so I guess my viewpoint doesn't count. Basically a non-interpretive poll written with only minimal aforethought. I tried. Cheers!
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Unread 09-20-2009, 11:15 PM
 
1,323 posts, read 1,239,953 times
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Is sex always expected before marriage?

Always, no.. it just depends on who you're meeting and where. If you meet guys at nightclubs, well, I think that's obvious.. same thing if you meet guys at church. It just depends.

I say, when you first meet someone, try to find out as much about them as they are willing to share. Don't interrogate them, but at least find out to what degree their values and morals lie. That's usually a good indicator if someone will respect your wishes or not.

Would any man consider waiting until marriage or until getting engaged or is this a deal breaker?

I think that there are a lot of men out there like that, myself being one. I just cannot make love to someone who I'm not serious with. If she wants to wait, then I'll always respect her decision. I know quite a few that share my opinions..

Would a woman wanting to wait for serious commitment before sex, seem wierd to you?

Nope.. To me, she would seem like someone who really knows herself, has confidence, and will not waver on her core values. As for me, I admire people like that.

What do you think about a woman with more traditional values? Would you still date her?

Yes, I'd date her.. I think that a lot of the things that we used to value have been lost with how fast the world is moving. I'd rather be with someone more traditional, but at the same time has confidence and knows who she is.

I hope we're not going to be graded on this later on.. I hate tests.
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Unread 09-20-2009, 11:47 PM
 
Location: 'da U.P. or Bust!
1,147 posts, read 1,576,174 times
Reputation: 1137
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Is sex always expected before marriage?

Always, no.. it just depends on who you're meeting and where. If you meet guys at nightclubs, well, I think that's obvious.. same thing if you meet guys at church. It just depends.

I say, when you first meet someone, try to find out as much about them as they are willing to share. Don't interrogate them, but at least find out to what degree their values and morals lie. That's usually a good indicator if someone will respect your wishes or not.

Would any man consider waiting until marriage or until getting engaged or is this a deal breaker?

I think that there are a lot of men out there like that, myself being one. I just cannot make love to someone who I'm not serious with. If she wants to wait, then I'll always respect her decision. I know quite a few that share my opinions..

Would a woman wanting to wait for serious commitment before sex, seem wierd to you?

Nope.. To me, she would seem like someone who really knows herself, has confidence, and will not waver on her core values. As for me, I admire people like that.

What do you think about a woman with more traditional values? Would you still date her?

Yes, I'd date her.. I think that a lot of the things that we used to value have been lost with how fast the world is moving. I'd rather be with someone more traditional, but at the same time has confidence and knows who she is.

I hope we're not going to be graded on this later on.. I hate tests.
No, no tests,lol, but I gotta say I like your post, it gives me hope. I'm no saint but I don't want to have sex just cause I'm in a relationship for a month.
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Unread 09-21-2009, 12:27 AM
 
1,323 posts, read 1,239,953 times
Reputation: 1432
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
No, no tests,lol, but I gotta say I like your post, it gives me hope. I'm no saint but I don't want to have sex just cause I'm in a relationship for a month.
Man, I was getting worried there for a second.. broke out in a cold sweat, trembling fingers, left eye twitching and spazzing a little..

Really, ya said it right there, "I'm no saint but I don't want to have sex just cause I'm in a relationship for a month."

I think that takes all of the meaning out of it, that, and then that whole anticipation thing goes out the window. Sex with someone you love and waited for is unbelievable. I just wish more people understood that.
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Unread 09-21-2009, 05:18 AM
 
723 posts, read 1,308,498 times
Reputation: 579
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aibutiej View Post
Hey, I resent that! I don't think people would ever have said we were miserable to be around. Yes we were virgins. Yes we were young when we got married (21 and 24). Yes we are still married 23 years later.
No offense to you personally.

You got married at a young age, many people now don't even tie the knot until at least their 30's - sometimes not at all. With almost everyone waiting until later to marry I just can't see how being a Virgin until the wedding night is a virtue.

I know that it would make me a very miserable person to be around if I held off until Marriage!!!!!

Sex was always such a taboo Subject until maybe 20 or 30 years ago - even now it's still condemned by the Religious fanatics. But it's a natural gift - a gift from God for that matter.
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Unread 09-21-2009, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Northeastern WI
19,252 posts, read 15,294,901 times
Reputation: 35154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asheville Native View Post
Do you buy a car without a test drive?

You have to see how it 'drives' and responds or handles in the curves





This one pretty much sums up my thoughts.
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Unread 09-21-2009, 08:05 AM
 
23,497 posts, read 23,066,729 times
Reputation: 30459
Yes, but why was there a ban on pre-marital sex in our culture in the first place? It used to be that women were married off by the time they were 15, 16, 18. Twenty-year-old single women were considered to be old maids. At the same time, these same women were prized for their virginity.

Today, because of the long, hard grind of education, a person isn't really considered an adult until 25 or so. Early marriage (Before age 25) is considered by most to be premature, an opinion that I happen to agree with. Yet, at the same time, people are still reaching puberty at roughly the same time, having the same desires and needs at the same point of life as their ancestors.

So, essentially, we've reached a point in society where we're biological adults long before we're considered social adults. So now, according to the bluenoses, we're supposed to postpone sex for no other reason than the fact that education takes a lot longer.
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