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Old 09-23-2009, 01:20 PM
 
Location: New England
1,084 posts, read 1,927,975 times
Reputation: 1816

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Below is an e-mail I sent to my wife while she was flying home from a business trip. She travels a lot for work. I used to get a hole in my stomach as soon as I dropped her off at the airport. Now it is like, "oh well, another few days by myself".

Communication is not too good between us. Everything gets swept under the rug. The spark is not there anymore either. I'm trying to fix these things. She got all defensive with this. I didn't blame her for anything, just letting her know things could use a change. What did I do or say wrong??


I really missed you this trip. You travel so much that it has become routine and easier (don't take that the wrong way, I miss you every trip). I want to start feeling sick again every time you go away. I think we are in a ho-hum state. Our lives together are in the doldrums. No, nothing is wrong. Just seemed like a good time to express this, being that you were xxxx miles away for 5 days.


Call me when you land and get through customs.


I love you.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,170 posts, read 22,219,128 times
Reputation: 44122
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
No, nothing is wrong. Just seemed like a good time to express this, being that you were xxxx miles away for 5 days.
There's your problem right there. You kind of dumped on her when she wasn't in a position to really talk to you about it.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,573,669 times
Reputation: 3707
Hmmm.... I'm trying to put myself in her frame of mind. So, she is working hard, probably has some angst herself about having to travel all the time (just thinking "out loud" here), maybe she feels a lot of pressure with her job and then she gets this email from you which to me sounds like this, you are complaining about her doing her job, she can't just give it up and is doing her best. Maybe she just wants you to say nothing but in all reality - if this was happening to me, I'd say something too.
I guess my advice would be to drop her off at the airport, give a kiss, a hug, send an email or call while she is away to say "hope your trip is going well", keep it NON mushy - then when she comes home, do something really nice just for the two of you. Show her you do still love her and want her - maybe she is feeling underappreciated.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,764,039 times
Reputation: 23996
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post

I think we are in a ho-hum state. Our lives together are in the doldrums.
This did it!
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,256 posts, read 15,634,715 times
Reputation: 6599
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
Below is an e-mail I sent to my wife while she was flying home from a business trip. She travels a lot for work. I used to get a hole in my stomach as soon as I dropped her off at the airport. Now it is like, "oh well, another few days by myself".

Communication is not too good between us. Everything gets swept under the rug. The spark is not there anymore either. I'm trying to fix these things. She got all defensive with this. I didn't blame her for anything, just letting her know things could use a change. What did I do or say wrong??


I really missed you this trip. You travel so much that it has become routine and easier (don't take that the wrong way, I miss you every trip). I want to start feeling sick again every time you go away. I think we are in a ho-hum state. Our lives together are in the doldrums. No, nothing is wrong. Just seemed like a good time to express this, being that you were xxxx miles away for 5 days.


Call me when you land and get through customs.


I love you.
Yeah that would have upset me too. Especially the "nothing is wrong" part because I hate when something is bothering someone but they insist that everything is ok...if everything was ok you wouldn't be sending me an email like this
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:34 PM
 
16,301 posts, read 23,959,051 times
Reputation: 8257
She took at criticism of her job and the travel it requires.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,137,028 times
Reputation: 39643
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
Below is an e-mail I sent to my wife while she was flying home from a business trip. She travels a lot for work. I used to get a hole in my stomach as soon as I dropped her off at the airport. Now it is like, "oh well, another few days by myself".

Communication is not too good between us. Everything gets swept under the rug. The spark is not there anymore either. I'm trying to fix these things. She got all defensive with this. I didn't blame her for anything, just letting her know things could use a change. What did I do or say wrong??


I really missed you this trip. You travel so much that it has become routine and easier (don't take that the wrong way, I miss you every trip). I want to start feeling sick again every time you go away. I think we are in a ho-hum state. Our lives together are in the doldrums. No, nothing is wrong. Just seemed like a good time to express this, being that you were xxxx miles away for 5 days.


Call me when you land and get through customs.


I love you.

I understand your frustration, and the way you wrote the email is fine in my opinion. After all, she was on her way home and you could talk face to face with her soon, right? But she may be feeling frustrated that you do not understand what her frustrations/feelings are about the whole traveling/job situation.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 7,003,479 times
Reputation: 12244
A simple I miss you and love you would have been appropriate for an email...not what you sent. This is not the type of discussion you have via email but rather face to face.

I'd be pissed to if my husband sent me that.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:38 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,656,037 times
Reputation: 45743
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
Below is an e-mail I sent to my wife while she was flying home from a business trip. She travels a lot for work. I used to get a hole in my stomach as soon as I dropped her off at the airport. Now it is like, "oh well, another few days by myself".

Communication is not too good between us. Everything gets swept under the rug. The spark is not there anymore either. I'm trying to fix these things. She got all defensive with this. I didn't blame her for anything, just letting her know things could use a change. What did I do or say wrong??


I really missed you this trip. You travel so much that it has become routine and easier (don't take that the wrong way, I miss you every trip). I want to start feeling sick again every time you go away. I think we are in a ho-hum state. Our lives together are in the doldrums. No, nothing is wrong. Just seemed like a good time to express this, being that you were xxxx miles away for 5 days.


Call me when you land and get through customs.


I love you.
Have you lost your cotton-picking mind? What the hell were you thinking when you wrote this?

Let's see all the possible conclusions she could have drawn from your missive:

1. Great. I'm out here busting my ass in some strange city and he's laying a guilt trip on me.

2. Great. He telling me that he's bored with the relationship.

3. Great. He's not mature enough to talk about this with me in person. Instead he throws this little bit of dynamite over the transom without my having an appropriate way to respond.

4. Great. He doesn't miss me nearly as much now when I go away.

5. Great. I'm married to a hypochondriac.

Do you see how many ways she could misinterpret this vague note? Man, next time you want to put some spark back in the marriage, why don't you try to write this a little differently? Here's an example:

My beloved.

I am so proud of you and know that you work hard for the both of us. I know that our lives have been incredibly busy lately, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I love you and that I miss you when you're away. You are my soul and my reason for living, and I never want you to forget that.

You've been working awfully hard and I know how important that is. That being said, I would really enjoy nothing better than the two of us to just spend some time together, away from the office and the mobile phone, just to recharge our batteries. You deserve it, as do I.

Let's talk tonight about it. I have some great ideas.


How hard could it have been to write something like that? My God, it took me all of forty-five seconds.
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Old 09-23-2009, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,000 posts, read 17,999,681 times
Reputation: 5424
I think a simple "I love you and wish you were home soon" may have done the trick.
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