Do women expect a guy in his 30's to have a HOUSE??? (difference, perspective)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't mind if a woman expects me to have a house in my 30's, she just better not be surprised that I expect her to have one too, or one hell of a dowry.
Keep in mind, some people don't like to display that stuff. And others just don't collect a lot of it to begin with. I enjoy reading and I buy a lot books for my work. But these days, I'm trying to make better use of space and be a little more green. If a book is available in electronic form, I'd rather get that than have yet another book to squeeze onto a bookshelf that's already full.
I have a library, which is one of the bed rooms in my basement. A person wouldn't realize by walking into my house. OTOH, if I love a book, I give it away for someone else to read. What's left is a huge collection of books I will not or can not give a way; sci-fi (strange sci-fi [my dh loves is]), texts (too expensive to give a way plus I use them from time to time), and crap. Any judgments made, based on our collection and/or its lack of visibility, would be inaccurate.
2nd: Everyone has different values. There are more types of people in the world than just those who own a home as quickly as possible and those who have 100 video games. (I for one haven't played video games for a decade and a half).
Most people didn't buy houses as real estate. Back when there was a much smaller middle class, people either inherited homes or they rented (the masses). In much of the rest of the world its still like that. Most of the world doesn't have home-ownership as a prerequisite for maturity.
Personally, I put a higher priority on being well-read and well-traveled. (But then again I'm a geography teacher).
I happen to have an apartment with IKEA furniture, a couple hundred books on a variety of topics, some souviners from unique places I've gotten the chance to travel to. Home ownership in fact is really not even necessary when one is single.
If a woman doesn't think this "mature and stable" well they can move on. They're the ones missing out.
I know Ikea furniture is not that bad. Our family room/home office, where I am right now, is furnished with two Ikea couches, several hundred books, and interesting African masks and bowls, given to us by my in-laws, who travel a lot. My desk is from Office Depot.
I also own some antique furniture, china, glassware and linens that I have inherited. We arre making a home for our family. This is how my husband and I define a home. I don't want to live in an apartment where I can't paint the walls or get rid of the ubiquitous vertical blinds. I want to plant flowers. My husband wants to build our son a treehouse.
We have a family and are focusing now on raising them in a stable, safe environment. We had kids relatively young--I'll be 48 when my son graduates high school. Our house will be paid off a couple years after that, if not sooner, and our nest egg should have grown enough to support us in our retirement. We will travel then. Of course it would be great to be able to do so now, but this is how things worked out.
And that's a problem? I do it, or I could just give up a return on the security depost when I leave. Either is fine with me.
I've changed light fixtures, replaced bulbs, outlet covers, switch covers, even tore down a ceiling in one place because it was covered in black mold, and the landlord was unwilling to do anything to fix the problem.
However... TVSG doesn't have any of these good reasons for not owning his own place. He started the thread because he has no good excuses to tell women as to why he hasn't started building equity in himself. Instead, he is just annoyed at being asked why he is still renting at the age of 34 years old.
TVSG is just unable to present himself well to the world.
But what excuse does he really need to give? You're making it seem like owning a home points to his level of maturity. At 34, you really shouldn't feel the need to defend why you live the way you live, especially not for the sake of a woman. I don't see what's wrong with renting at 34. Part of maturity is knowing what you can or can't afford, and living within your means. For some people, owning a house is either not in the deck, or it's not what they want.
It's knowing that women think such a way about these types of things that scares me into remaining single.
But what excuse does he really need to give? You're making it seem like owning a home points to his level of maturity. At 34, you really shouldn't feel the need to defend why you live the way you live, especially not for the sake of a woman. I don't see what's wrong with renting at 34. Part of maturity is knowing what you can or can't afford, and living within your means. For some people, owning a house is either not in the deck, or it's not what they want.
The bolded is spot on, providing a person is not harming anyone, of course. I'm sensing that a few are dancing around classism, which is fine, but it doesn't really work with the stand alone topic of home ownership; for all the reasons pointed out by you and others.
Quote:
It's knowing that women think such a way about these types of things that scares me into remaining single.
*sighs*
Any way, I own a home. I can see the merits of both sides. I am a slave to my house. The work never ends. It's a huge responsibility and in hind sight I realize how much freedom I had as a renter. But, I also love that I do not have to deal with a land lady. And at no other time have I felt like "I'm home" as I did when I was a kid. It's certainly special. It's personal and it's nothing that can be generalized to anybody else.
Regarding financial stability- eh, I had way more money as a renter lol. I'm no longer maxing out my 401k, which is simply stupid in this econonmy, but that is a decision we made for our personal goals, which were to root.
im 35 and dont have a house
i live in a apt.
the reason why is...
i wasted 10 years of my life on people that didnt have the same goals as me. so now im single and have no one,
im looking for a house myself and hope to find one soon
I graduated college late (25), but was married at 26, had my first child at 27, and bought a house at 28.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
