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Old 09-24-2009, 08:13 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,120 times
Reputation: 10

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Hey!

I'm 25 and going travelling for a year starting next month.

I met a girl that I used to know about 15 years ago. We had been getting on for the last few months like best friends. She has not long got out of a 3 year relationship, she is my age too.

Anyways, she is going travelling for 3 months at the same time as myself and we decided to travel together for this time until I told her I liked her more than a friend which screwed it all up. She needs time alone since her relationship which is understandable.

It was nearly a month ago all this happened. Since then we have remained friends but I have fallen for her, and hard. I have never loved anyone before but I know that I love her.

We have planned to meet at our first location for the first day atleast. Whether or not this is just a 1 day thing I don't know.

I need to tell her how I feel... Doing this on the first day there might be a bad idea as it could ruin her trip due to having a lot on her mind etc.

Another option is to tell her at the end of her trip but the problem with that is it's not guarenteed that we'd see each other again for the rest of the year and I don't want to do it over email, txt or phone call.

My last option is to tell her before we leave home for our trips.

I know regardless I need to be prepared for the worst answer which is likely to be the answer, but I just feel I need to say something to her.

Even if the answer is good we will be apart for 9 months while I finish my travelling. Which I gues is a good thing for her to fully get over her ex or whatnot.


Any and all advice welcome as she leaves next week and I leave a week after that so I have less than a week to decide what I do.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:20 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,804,451 times
Reputation: 26716
She just broke up and needs time, which may be why she has decided to travel for a while, to reflect and get over it. So, she is not in a 'love' or 'relationship' state of mind with anyone and would definitely back away, maybe for good, whenever you tell her. Back off and give the girl some room to breathe, she has some baggage she wants to deal with and come out with a clean slate.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 16,387,325 times
Reputation: 10043
Dont ruin her travels by unloading this on her. Give her time to heal and think. If you feel you must tell her, wait until after your travels. To do otherwise would be selfish.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
1,091 posts, read 1,218,933 times
Reputation: 1765
She's not ready, keep your mouth shut. Stay friends, and at some point (long after your trip...or you're going to blow it) ask her if she thinks she'll ever be ready for a relationship. THEN let her talk, you just listen. If you love her you'll follow this exactly. If you deviate from it??? You'll be out of luck.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:14 AM
 
6,561 posts, read 12,900,508 times
Reputation: 3165
Quote:
Originally Posted by paul25 View Post
Hey!

I'm 25 and going travelling for a year starting next month.

I met a girl that I used to know about 15 years ago. We had been getting on for the last few months like best friends. She has not long got out of a 3 year relationship, she is my age too.

Anyways, she is going travelling for 3 months at the same time as myself and we decided to travel together for this time until I told her I liked her more than a friend which screwed it all up. She needs time alone since her relationship which is understandable.

It was nearly a month ago all this happened. Since then we have remained friends but I have fallen for her, and hard. I have never loved anyone before but I know that I love her.

We have planned to meet at our first location for the first day atleast. Whether or not this is just a 1 day thing I don't know.

I need to tell her how I feel... Doing this on the first day there might be a bad idea as it could ruin her trip due to having a lot on her mind etc.

Another option is to tell her at the end of her trip but the problem with that is it's not guarenteed that we'd see each other again for the rest of the year and I don't want to do it over email, txt or phone call.

My last option is to tell her before we leave home for our trips.

I know regardless I need to be prepared for the worst answer which is likely to be the answer, but I just feel I need to say something to her.

Even if the answer is good we will be apart for 9 months while I finish my travelling. Which I gues is a good thing for her to fully get over her ex or whatnot.


Any and all advice welcome as she leaves next week and I leave a week after that so I have less than a week to decide what I do.
Sounds to me like you should have dated her back when you were 10....

Dude, seriously, you've already screwed up things once and expressed feelings at an inopportune moment. Now I'm not the rocket-scientist of relationships, but her reaction doesn't give me warm fuzzies about her romantic feelings toward you, so don't do it again at this moment...

My advice is to let this one go. Go on your trip. If you come back and hook back up and she's receptive? Great!!! It will serve no purpose for you to tell her this and then go on a 9 month trip. If you think that somehow telling her this now is going to keep her single for you, it won't... Whatever is going to happen over those 9 months is going to happen.

Sorry... Your idea is not a good one IMO..
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:16 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,525,645 times
Reputation: 26532
With all due respect, you're not "in love" by any stretch of the imagination. You knew her when you were ten years old and have been seeing her now for just a few months as "friends". You've already blown plans for the first part of your trip which might have been a lot of fun together and you'll definitely blow even a one day hook-up if you go on about your feelings for her.

Maybe one of these days you'll have a shot at her being more than a friend but that's not going to happen any time soon. You've got a great year ahead of you so get out there, learn and travel and travel and learn and have a fabulous adventure!
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:50 AM
 
4,899 posts, read 16,637,601 times
Reputation: 3822
i think dont say ANYTHING!! just meet her on the trip, become better freinds. she will see it in your eyes how you feel, but just dont say anything. at the end of your trip together, just let her know that you would like to keep in touch over the next year while you are traveling. email to eachother and see how it goes. if it is meant to be, then at the end of your year away, you can let her know how you feel and see if she feels the same.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:58 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,792,267 times
Reputation: 46066
Quote:
Originally Posted by paul25 View Post
Hey!

I'm 25 and going travelling for a year starting next month.

I met a girl that I used to know about 15 years ago. We had been getting on for the last few months like best friends. She has not long got out of a 3 year relationship, she is my age too.

Anyways, she is going travelling for 3 months at the same time as myself and we decided to travel together for this time until I told her I liked her more than a friend which screwed it all up. She needs time alone since her relationship which is understandable.

It was nearly a month ago all this happened. Since then we have remained friends but I have fallen for her, and hard. I have never loved anyone before but I know that I love her.

We have planned to meet at our first location for the first day atleast. Whether or not this is just a 1 day thing I don't know.

I need to tell her how I feel... Doing this on the first day there might be a bad idea as it could ruin her trip due to having a lot on her mind etc.

Another option is to tell her at the end of her trip but the problem with that is it's not guarenteed that we'd see each other again for the rest of the year and I don't want to do it over email, txt or phone call.

My last option is to tell her before we leave home for our trips.

I know regardless I need to be prepared for the worst answer which is likely to be the answer, but I just feel I need to say something to her.

Even if the answer is good we will be apart for 9 months while I finish my travelling. Which I gues is a good thing for her to fully get over her ex or whatnot.


Any and all advice welcome as she leaves next week and I leave a week after that so I have less than a week to decide what I do.


Okay, here's the thing. If you blurt out on the first day, "No, wait! I love you now!" she'll be thinking, "Uh, huh. You're just looking for a steady bed partner on the road." Her defenses are already up and it will look as if you're just jerking her around again.

Nope. Instead, demonstrate it by how you behave around her. Stick with her. Then, a month or so in, simply say, "You know what I said before? I just need you to know that I was stupid to say that. I wasn't sure of myself then. I am now. Here's how I honestly feel about you. I hope I haven't blown it." And then you just tell her, preferably in Venice, or in some Alpine meadow, or some other place with spectacular beauty where it's just the two of you. Be straightforward with it, not like some desperate love-sick fool.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,078,446 times
Reputation: 3732
If you really want to pursue this young woman, you will do yourself a huge favor by giving her the time and space she requests of you. You may be hurt and feeling anguished inside but it's the only way it will work and ONLY if it's meant to be. Just because you love someone does not mean that they will or can love you back.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,634,106 times
Reputation: 39870
Quote:
Originally Posted by paul25 View Post
Hey!

I'm 25 and going travelling for a year starting next month.

I met a girl that I used to know about 15 years ago. We had been getting on for the last few months like best friends. She has not long got out of a 3 year relationship, she is my age too.

Anyways, she is going travelling for 3 months at the same time as myself and we decided to travel together for this time until I told her I liked her more than a friend which screwed it all up. She needs time alone since her relationship which is understandable.

It was nearly a month ago all this happened. Since then we have remained friends but I have fallen for her, and hard. I have never loved anyone before but I know that I love her.

We have planned to meet at our first location for the first day atleast. Whether or not this is just a 1 day thing I don't know.

I need to tell her how I feel... Doing this on the first day there might be a bad idea as it could ruin her trip due to having a lot on her mind etc.

Another option is to tell her at the end of her trip but the problem with that is it's not guarenteed that we'd see each other again for the rest of the year and I don't want to do it over email, txt or phone call.

My last option is to tell her before we leave home for our trips.

I know regardless I need to be prepared for the worst answer which is likely to be the answer, but I just feel I need to say something to her.

Even if the answer is good we will be apart for 9 months while I finish my travelling. Which I gues is a good thing for her to fully get over her ex or whatnot.


Any and all advice welcome as she leaves next week and I leave a week after that so I have less than a week to decide what I do.
She already knows you are interested - keep your mouth shut at this point or you will scare her off for good. Coming on too strong like this is a red flag to most women.
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