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Old 09-28-2009, 01:54 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 902,160 times
Reputation: 434

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The guy only felt the need to talk to you once a week if that????I have this friend who has been told by her bf that he doesn't like to think about the future and at this point has no intention of ever marrying her. Ummm I'd get the hint by that little comment that its over, but then everytime she says "we need to talk" and finally works up the courage to break up he says everything she would like to hear such as "baby I'm sorry, I just dont need to talk to you everyday it doesnt mean I'm not thinking about you though, I'll call more often." and "I like to take one day at a time to see where life takes me, you never know my feelings could change and I may want to marry you lets see where this takes us." (code for "until the next better woman comes along I'll keep you around"). He went as far as telling her he would be ok with raising their children jewish in the event of it ever happening bc thats what she wants. WOW!!! She was cutting herself off emotionally and ready to break up and he did it again!!She is 23 and VERY well educated and comes from a great family, however she stays with him!! Does this seem like a relationship? Sounds to me like a friendship! I'm not a needy person but if I have a b/f I would like to talk to him daily and kno there's a future...is this normal for a relationship to work this way? I just see her getting hurt in the end, its upsetting.
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Old 09-28-2009, 01:59 PM
 
Location: CITY OF ANGELS AND CONSTANT DANGER
5,409 posts, read 11,342,206 times
Reputation: 2245
23 is very young. she should move on. why waste time with someone who isnt all there for her.

when you want to talk to someone you do so. you dont limit it, unless of course you are in iraq...
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:04 PM
 
8,415 posts, read 35,315,448 times
Reputation: 6268
Sounds to me like he keeps her around for "service"

Cut off the "Service"

I would be so annoyed with anyone like that I would dump him within a week if that.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:11 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 902,160 times
Reputation: 434
I feel the SAME way!! Anytime she comes to me for advice she doesnt like anything I say to her. I think she wants me to tell her everything will work out in time or some junk like that, but I'm not like that, I'm very honest.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:13 PM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,465 posts, read 6,223,682 times
Reputation: 29677
People will be people and so on......nobody picked yours so......
let it be....sing with me now....~~~~let it be, oh let it be, yeah let it be now just let it be....

Whispering words of wisdom.....let it be
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:16 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 902,160 times
Reputation: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dbl-r View Post
People will be people and so on......nobody picked yours so......
let it be....sing with me now....~~~~let it be, oh let it be, yeah let it be now just let it be....

Whispering words of wisdom.....let it be
haha I'll break into song the next time she comes crying for advice haha
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:23 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,141 posts, read 34,634,426 times
Reputation: 16235
Default Would you feel like your in a relationship if...

When I was young, we didn't have cellphones or the internet, and talking to and seeing a boyfriend only once a week was just fine for me. That left me tons of time to focus on my work and spend quality time with my other friends.

And even now, I could also function on a relationship that was only once a week. Some emails in between would be fine, but I feel that a couple has more quality time together if they aren't smothering each other with attention 24/7. I think that it's silly to text a s/o in the middle of the day just to find out that he's busy working.

At 23, your friend should be happy to have the extra time to be with her other friends. She should have other activities she enjoys doing, rather than wanting to spend all her waking hours with him. I think that she needs to become a more independent woman and to not to be so clingy. She sounds like she is getting too attached to him too soon.

BTW what does she talk to him about when they do talk on the phone? Maybe what she says to him isn't all that interesting to him. Maybe they don't have any common hobbies and she only wants to talk to him about romantic stuff and their next date. She should think about this and work on making herself a more interesting person or a better conversationalist. If he has a favorite hobby, she should learn about it and get involved.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:39 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 902,160 times
Reputation: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
When I was young, we didn't have cellphones or the internet, and talking to and seeing a boyfriend only once a week was just fine for me. That left me tons of time to focus on my work and spend quality time with my other friends.

And even now, I could also function on a relationship that was only once a week. Some emails in between would be fine, but I feel that a couple has more quality time together if they aren't smothering each other with attention 24/7. I think that it's silly to text a s/o in the middle of the day just to find out that he's busy working.

At 23, your friend should be happy to have the extra time to be with her other friends. She should have other activities she enjoys doing, rather than wanting to spend all her waking hours with him. I think that she needs to become a more independent woman and to not to be so clingy. She sounds like she is getting too attached to him too soon.

BTW what does she talk to him about when they do talk on the phone? Maybe what she says to him isn't all that interesting to him. Maybe they don't have any common hobbies and she only wants to talk to him about romantic stuff and their next date. She should think about this and work on making herself a more interesting person or a better conversationalist. If he has a favorite hobby, she should learn about it and get involved.


touché
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Old 09-28-2009, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Rockland County New York
2,984 posts, read 5,244,382 times
Reputation: 1293
My wife's first boyfriend was the same. He saw her for a year maybe two to three times a month and usually for quick lousy sex. He choose to go out with his friends. He was young, about 17 and never took my wife seriously. Well when my wife and I met, we went out to dinner, talked a lot and had lots of sex while he thought she was sitting home waiting for his call. When he did call, my wife told him she did not know who he was. He fell hard I understand when he found out about me through other people. Your friend should move on and find a nice guy who will be the love of her life. Waiting for a dude of a man is a waste of time.

Last edited by Stac2007; 09-28-2009 at 03:35 PM..
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Old 09-28-2009, 03:25 PM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 902,160 times
Reputation: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by stac2007 View Post
my wife's first boyfriend was the same. He saw her for a year maybe two to three times a month and usually for quick lousy sex. He choose to go out with his friends. He was young, about 17 and never look my wife seriously. Well when my wife and i met, went out to dinner, talked a lot and had lots of sex while he thought she was sitting home waiting for his call. When he did my wife told him she did not know who he was. He fell hard i understand when he found out about me through other people. Your friend should move on and find a nice guy who will be the love of her life. Waiting for a dude of a man is a waste of time.
agreed!!
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