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I see where your going & the point your trying to a make , but not certain I agree completely. Opposites exist in everything. Hate is a strong word. True hatred and real love just can't exist together. Its not possible to feel both for one person unless you've got some sort of disorder.
[quote=SifuPhil;10965864]Could you ever know what "light" is, if you neverexperienced "dark"? They're complimentaries - each depends upon
And I'm sure that there are many people wandering through the world whowould say the same thing of static, passionless relationships.[/quote]
I see where your going & the point your trying to a make , but not certain I agree completely. Opposites exist in everything. Hate is a strong word. True hatred and real love just can't exist together. Its not possible to feel both for one person unless you've got some sort of disorder.
OK, and I hate to sound like a broken record at this point, but exactly what kind of hate? What level of love?
See, most folks think they know what love and hate are, and they probably do - for themselves. If it would just end there, there would be far fewer problems.
But people aren't happy just minding their own business. They have to advise others; comment; counsel and coach, all in the name of what is "right", "proper" and "common sense". It's a fairly short logistical leap from that point to the point where influence is being bandied about and laws begin to be passed, and suddenly a fresh crop of social outcasts is born - those who do not conform. Those who are not understood.
Those who have a different point of view.
They did it with the witches and they're doing it still. And just like those dark times, people truly believe that they're totally right; that they have a moral imperative to protect and mold society, and that no other point of view could ever possibly be right. They're the trend-setters and the arbiters of all that is right and proper and accepted.
And I'm sick to friggin' death of it.
What all these non-judgmental judges seem to forget is that when you save a life, you become responsible for that life. Forever.
When you break up that relationship that was so "wrong", will you be ready for when one of the parties commits suicide because of the split? Will you be available 24/7 for the freaked-out phone calls and long, heart-rending conversations? Will you offer them a ride back to their partner because "he didn't really mean it, and we get along so good all the other times"?
Personally I think that outside of physical abuse, a love-hate relationship should be left in the hands of the most intimately-concerned parties. If they're both adults, they have the power to decide when enough is enough. Otherwise, when you jump in wearing your red, white and blue spandex outfit and spirit them away from the bad guy, you'll have assumed a burden for the rest of your normal, common-sense life.
If you insist on doing that, just be ready to carry it all the way through.
I could be called a nonconformist in some respects. My views aren't straight across the board,
and I consider myself opened minded, but there are a couple of issues I feel strongly about and
have no problem stating my opinions.
Definition might be the key to the question of the love/hate paradox.
Last edited by virgode; 09-29-2009 at 12:03 PM..
Reason: typing
I've experienced that love/hate thing with one person, maybe two. The one in particular was really rough. It wasn't outright hate - but we would butt heads all the time. We argued and bickered constantly. We were really unhappy when we were unhappy, but when we were happy, I couldn't imagine anything better. It got to the point that he took advantage of the situation, though, and one day went wayyy too far with it. He said something that he could never take back and it would take me years to forgive him for it. As a person who was known for giving people chance after chance back then, I think he was shocked when I cut him out of my life right then and there. I've made a point to steer clear of men that bring out that side of me and vice versa.
Could you ever know what "light" is, if you never experienced "dark"? They're complimentaries - each depends upon the other for its very existence.
I think you said this in another post. You can know the light without experiencing the dark on a regular basis. And one can completely destroy the existence of the other.
Quote:
And I'm sure that there are many people wandering through the world who would say the same thing of static, passionless relationships.
So, if it isn't filled with drama and tumult, it is static and passionless?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil
OK, and I hate to sound like a broken record at this point, but exactly what kind of hate? What level of love?
The kind, like I said in my OP, where people hurt each other over and over and make up just as easily.
Quote:
See, most folks think they know what love and hate are, and they probably do - for themselves. If it would just end there, there would be far fewer problems.
But people aren't happy just minding their own business. They have to advise others; comment; counsel and coach, all in the name of what is "right", "proper" and "common sense". It's a fairly short logistical leap from that point to the point where influence is being bandied about and laws begin to be passed, and suddenly a fresh crop of social outcasts is born - those who do not conform. Those who are not understood.
Those who have a different point of view.
They did it with the witches and they're doing it still. And just like those dark times, people truly believe that they're totally right; that they have a moral imperative to protect and mold society, and that no other point of view could ever possibly be right. They're the trend-setters and the arbiters of all that is right and proper and accepted.
And I'm sick to friggin' death of it.
What all these non-judgmental judges seem to forget is that when you save a life, you become responsible for that life. Forever.
When you break up that relationship that was so "wrong", will you be ready for when one of the parties commits suicide because of the split? Will you be available 24/7 for the freaked-out phone calls and long, heart-rending conversations? Will you offer them a ride back to their partner because "he didn't really mean it, and we get along so good all the other times"?
Personally I think that outside of physical abuse, a love-hate relationship should be left in the hands of the most intimately-concerned parties. If they're both adults, they have the power to decide when enough is enough. Otherwise, when you jump in wearing your red, white and blue spandex outfit and spirit them away from the bad guy, you'll have assumed a burden for the rest of your normal, common-sense life.
If you insist on doing that, just be ready to carry it all the way through.
A bit much. Totally overboard.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 09-29-2009 at 06:52 PM..
I think you said this in another post. You can know the light without experiencing the dark on a regular basis. And one can completely destroy the existence of the other.
If it does, then you're unbalanced. One cannot exist without the other.
Quote:
So, if it isn't filled with drama and tumult, it is static and passionless?
No. Drama and tumult are, once again, extremes. The idea is to stay in the middle; make little day-trips toward one extreme or the other, on occasion; then scurry safely back to the middle.
Quote:
The kind, like I said in my OP, where people hurt each other over and over and make up just as easily.
Well, I thought I handled that in the next post that you quoted here, but I guess I didn't find the right words. My apologies.
Quote:
A bit much. Totally overboard.
Think so? I don't. I see it happen quite frequently.
If it does, then you're unbalanced. One cannot exist without the other.
As a reality of life, yes.
Quote:
No. Drama and tumult are, once again, extremes. The idea is to stay in the middle; make little day-trips toward one extreme or the other, on occasion; then scurry safely back to the middle.
That would be ideal. But that is not what I am referring to.
Quote:
Think so? I don't. I see it happen quite frequently.
As it applies to this discussion, I'm not sure what the point is. Other than to express disapproval with people disapproving? This thread was not intended to mind anyone else's business, define anything for anyone or dictate how they should live out their relationships.
Okay, I do think a definition is appropriate if you are going to discuss the love/hate relationship.
See my thought is that you can love someone, because love is an action, but hate some of their behaviors. You have to actively love someone. True lasting love is not an emotion. Hate is an emotion, a reaction to something. Love is not a reaction. I wouldn't say I have a love/hate relationship with my DH (happily married 18 years). I would say that I love him no matter what especially despite the behaviors he has that I hate/dislike. I'm sure he could say the same about me. Its just that those behaviors that we hate do not define the relationship or who we are to each other. Also, these behaviors rarely interfere or compromise the relationship because we recognized them early in our relationship and agreed to disagree on those things.
We do not allow our reaction to the behaviors get in the way, we don't dwell on them, we don't fight about it, and we don't hold them over each other. Don't really know how to explain it fully.
I would say that the term love/hate relationship is a cliche. It doesn't truly reflect the state of a true loving relationship.
Okay, I do think a definition is appropriate if you are going to discuss the love/hate relationship.
See my thought is that you can love someone, because love is an action, but hate some of their behaviors. You have to actively love someone. True lasting love is not an emotion. Hate is an emotion, a reaction to something. Love is not a reaction. I wouldn't say I have a love/hate relationship with my DH (happily married 18 years). I would say that I love him no matter what especially despite the behaviors he has that I hate/dislike. I'm sure he could say the same about me. Its just that those behaviors that we hate do not define the relationship or who we are to each other. Also, these behaviors rarely interfere or compromise the relationship because we recognized them early in our relationship and agreed to disagree on those things.
We do not allow our reaction to the behaviors get in the way, we don't dwell on them, we don't fight about it, and we don't hold them over each other. Don't really know how to explain it fully.
I would say that the term love/hate relationship is a cliche. It doesn't truly reflect the state of a true loving relationship.
I see it similarly. I think the term is accurate enough; love one minute, hate the next. But it is not a truly loving relationship, nor is it healthy.
No it's not love. It's two co-dependant people addicted to drama and chaos.
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