Love/hate relationships - is it really love? (sex, call, friend)

[PassTheChocolate]

It has been my observation that people in these love/hate relationships hurt one another over and over and make up just as easily. Am I alone in thinking that they are romanticizing an otherwise unhealthy situation?

I have experienced the love/hate thing, but I have never felt it. I can't imagine hating someone I love. I have felt extreme anger and have been extremely hurt, but I know it was love that was behind it. On the rare occasion that I actually felt hatred or anything close to it, it was for someone I no longer loved and/or someone I lost respect for. I certainly could not maintain a relationship with them.

A friend of mine once said that people who hate you either want you or want to be you. I'll add that they hate themselves first and foremost. This is why I am leery of people who throw the word "hate" around so casually. They seem to be very comfortable with it and they do not make good partners.

Have you ever been in a love/hate relationship? Have you ever known one to last? Do you think it was love on the part of both people?

[MMichelle]

I can relate. I’ve never felt such things but I have observed it first hand.
I think the love/hate relationship is fairly common. I think the two partners feed off the drama. It gives the relationship focus and a type of bond. Albeit, very unhealthy. The behavior becomes a pattern that is so strong it becomes a dependency - nearly like a drug. If it goes on long enough it will never end. Both partners become comfortable with it and don’t want it to change. Even if they are unhappy they find comfort in the known element.

[virgode]

Yes, I've been in one. Its a form of self abuse, love can't exist with hate,
If you can show me a relationship that lasted, I'll stand corrected.

[miu]

Love/hate relationships are toxic and unhealthy to be in. Why be with anyone that makes you feel angry and upset on a regular basis? Maybe some people like this sort of drama in their lives or feel that their relationship needs to have passion to prove they are in love. Or they are just connected by sexual attraction and hate the rest of how their partner is. I don't consider love/hate relationships as being in true love.

[floridadreamer]

Originally Posted by miu

Love/hate relationships are toxic and unhealthy to be in. Why be with anyone that makes you feel angry and upset on a regular basis? Maybe some people like this sort of drama in their lives or feel that their relationship needs to have passion to prove they are in love. Or they are just connected by sexual attraction and hate the rest of how their partner is. I don't consider love/hate relationships as being in true love.

Some people feel they can derive passion from it. Perhaps they don't realize they can derive more passion from love and actually not feel like their self worth is going down the toilet.

[temptation001]

Love/hate relationships are not love at all , I think. If a person has that kind of drama ,the other person isn't being very loving .Probably the sex is what brings them together ,and probably thats what keeps them together. But love is not the same as lust. I guess some people never experience the true kind of love and think love/hate must be it. Its sad.

[SifuPhil]

Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.

[virgode]

I'd say they need a hobby, perhaps scuba diving. LOL

Originally Posted by SifuPhil

Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.

[PassTheChocolate]

Originally Posted by SifuPhil

Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.

I realize they find value in it, and that is totally on them. I wouldn't presume to convince them of anything. It works for them, I just don't think it's healthy.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

I agree, this is true of all kinds of relationships, healthy or not.

Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.

I see that. I think you can appreciate the good more when you have experienced the bad. I don't think you need the bad in order to recognize the good.

[temptation001]

Originally Posted by SifuPhil

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Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

Yeah, I call them "stay-the-hell-away-from-me". I don't want any part of that weird energy.