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Old 09-28-2009, 05:45 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,053 posts, read 9,096,351 times
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It has been my observation that people in these love/hate relationships hurt one another over and over and make up just as easily. Am I alone in thinking that they are romanticizing an otherwise unhealthy situation?

I have experienced the love/hate thing, but I have never felt it. I can't imagine hating someone I love. I have felt extreme anger and have been extremely hurt, but I know it was love that was behind it. On the rare occasion that I actually felt hatred or anything close to it, it was for someone I no longer loved and/or someone I lost respect for. I certainly could not maintain a relationship with them.

A friend of mine once said that people who hate you either want you or want to be you. I'll add that they hate themselves first and foremost. This is why I am leery of people who throw the word "hate" around so casually. They seem to be very comfortable with it and they do not make good partners.

Have you ever been in a love/hate relationship? Have you ever known one to last? Do you think it was love on the part of both people?
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Old 09-28-2009, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,571 posts, read 3,473,881 times
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I can relate. I’ve never felt such things but I have observed it first hand.
I think the love/hate relationship is fairly common. I think the two partners feed off the drama. It gives the relationship focus and a type of bond. Albeit, very unhealthy. The behavior becomes a pattern that is so strong it becomes a dependency - nearly like a drug. If it goes on long enough it will never end. Both partners become comfortable with it and don’t want it to change. Even if they are unhappy they find comfort in the known element.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:05 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
12,024 posts, read 12,389,762 times
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Yes, I've been in one. Its a form of self abuse, love can't exist with hate,
If you can show me a relationship that lasted, I'll stand corrected.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:11 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,012 posts, read 22,166,533 times
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Love/hate relationships are toxic and unhealthy to be in. Why be with anyone that makes you feel angry and upset on a regular basis? Maybe some people like this sort of drama in their lives or feel that their relationship needs to have passion to prove they are in love. Or they are just connected by sexual attraction and hate the rest of how their partner is. I don't consider love/hate relationships as being in true love.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 5,746,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Love/hate relationships are toxic and unhealthy to be in. Why be with anyone that makes you feel angry and upset on a regular basis? Maybe some people like this sort of drama in their lives or feel that their relationship needs to have passion to prove they are in love. Or they are just connected by sexual attraction and hate the rest of how their partner is. I don't consider love/hate relationships as being in true love.
Some people feel they can derive passion from it. Perhaps they don't realize they can derive more passion from love and actually not feel like their self worth is going down the toilet.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:48 PM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,085,482 times
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Love/hate relationships are not love at all , I think. If a person has that kind of drama ,the other person isn't being very loving .Probably the sex is what brings them together ,and probably thats what keeps them together. But love is not the same as lust. I guess some people never experience the true kind of love and think love/hate must be it. Its sad.
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,890 posts, read 12,711,929 times
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Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.
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Old 09-28-2009, 08:30 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
12,024 posts, read 12,389,762 times
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I'd say they need a hobby, perhaps scuba diving. LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.

Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.
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Old 09-29-2009, 01:54 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,053 posts, read 9,096,351 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Everybody defines love according to their cultural biases, upbringing and experiences. To define love for anyone else, much less trying to convince them to adopt your model of it, is folly.
I realize they find value in it, and that is totally on them. I wouldn't presume to convince them of anything. It works for them, I just don't think it's healthy.

Quote:
Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.
I agree, this is true of all kinds of relationships, healthy or not.

Quote:
Virgode said love can't exist with hate. I propose that it cannot exist without it, in one form or another. You need one in order to fully understand the other.
I see that. I think you can appreciate the good more when you have experienced the bad. I don't think you need the bad in order to recognize the good.
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Old 09-29-2009, 02:02 AM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,085,482 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
.

Some couples enjoy the motion brought about by extreme swings of the pendulum. They thrive on the energy that is created by the constant movement - like sharks; if they stop moving, they'll die.
Yeah, I call them "stay-the-hell-away-from-me". I don't want any part of that weird energy.
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