How to Deal? (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, married)

[phoenixxphyre]

Anyone ever move and leave a boyfriend/girlfriend behind who either didn't want to move to the new location or wasn't ready to? My boyfriend, who coincidentally is also my best friend and has been for three years thinks he wouldn't like FL (course, he's never been so I'm hoping once he comes for a visit he'll come around--and he was totally on board when I had considered moving to CA, and there are some similar good things). At the very least, I know I'm leaving him for a few months, but then it's possible that it's also permanent (we still haven't really decided if we'll try to keep it up at the 20hr distance or not...we hadn't even decided about the 2hr distance when he moved back to his hometown, which was the same day I decided to move to FL).

I'm going. I mean, even if the job my brother thinks he's lined up falls through, he said I can stay with him and pick up a part time position til I find something else. I thought if that happened I'd stay for a little while longer, but then I thought, that'll just make it harder. Band-aid theory and all. And a couple people who know me said yeah, you need to do this move and if you stay, if you don't jump into this, you'll overanalyze it, and you'll never get down there...and you need to get down there. So, I accept they are probably right and the best thing to do is just move when I'm told I'd need to if I get the job and see what happens.

Everything that's ever happened to me that I thought was a negative ended up being positive. I figure one of three things will happen. He'll come around and want to move down there (he doesn't have a job at the present moment where he moved, so if that were to happen soon it'd actually be good timing), He'll figure out where he does want to go and if it he wants me to and it's somewhere I'd like too, I'll see about relocating there, or we'll leave it where it lies and move on.

I'd prefer one of the latter two (the first one, really, because I can't think of too many places as agreeable as FL), but if it happens the third way, then there's probably a reason; it's probably for the best. But that doesn't make it any easier right now. I don't know if I should see him as much as I can before I leave (since he's two hours away probably once or twice more if that), not, or what, and how I should go about handling it once I do move. Honestly, this is the one thing about moving that gets me down, makes me second guess myself, etc. If I weren't dating him, there wouldn't even be a hesitation--there wouldn't be a single real downside to this move.

Anyhow, sorry for the novel...but the more I think about leaving, the more it hits me that this really could be it. You know that whole you don't know what you've lost til it's gone thing? Well, it's only partially true--I knew exactly what I had while I was here, but I appreciate it/miss it more already, because I know I'm losing it, possibly (and maybe I should even say probably) for good. So, if anyone's had a similar experience, any ideas about the best way to deal with the change, etc, let me know.

[daniellefort]

well on the other side of that, i met my boyfriend at the time in N.H. where i lived while he was spending the summer up there with his grandparents and i moved down to FL with him after 5 months never being to FL before and leaving all my family behind and i've loved it here the last 13 years. Though i'm no longer with him after 8 years, i thank him for bringing me here because that's how i met my wonderful husband now.

[oceandreams94]

I can totally relate. Back before my husband and I were married, he had to move so we decided to end things and see what happened. We figured if it was meant to be, then we would be back together. It was very hard and I remember thinking that I had lost my best friend.
Then he moved back, said he just missed me too much, and that was that. We have been together ever since, and that was back in 1997! (we met in 96 and then got married in 2002.)

Anyway, you are in a tough decision right now. I would say, go ahead and move, and see what happens. If it is really meant to be for you two to be together, he will follow you, or somehow you two will work it out so you can be together.
It may be that you are not supposed to be together. You may move and meet someone else that you may end up marrying. You really never know.
But Good Luck with whatever you decide and keep us posted!

Jen

[JSnFla]

coming from small town ohio i really doubt u will want anythig to do with the guys of south florida....ive known so many girls to leave here within a few years becasue they cant stand what guys r like down here. i dont blame them either. dating down here is like warfare and u cant trust anyone. guys r all gangsta wannabees, trying so hard to be tough guys, inconsiderate cocky and really ignorant. the odds of u finding a guy down here are real slim, especially one u could relate to even remotely.

[pirate girl]

JAnFla, the picture you paint of the dating scenario in South Florida seem's a little dramatic.

You know nothing of the person asking the original question and it's not fair to generalize like you did.

Dating anywhere can be like warfare- and people have to earn one another's trust no matter where they live- not just in S. Fla. I know of several young men down there who have so much more class than to call than to act like "gansga wannabees" and there is nothing cocky or ignorant about them. On the flip side, I know of many men in Florida and other states who aren't worthy of any decent woman.

No matter where a single lady lives, in most cases she has to kiss a lot of frogs to find that prince. It is no better or worse here in Florida.

[phoenixxphyre]

thanks guys.

Oceandreams, that's encouraging Of course, it might not happen like that for me, but at least it's possible if that's how it's supposed to be.

this is true pirate girl, it's tough to find a decent guy anywhere. but I guess that's part of the whole thing, having to find out what you don't want so you appreciate more when you have what you do. it just sucks that, since we put off trying this trying to not mess up the friendship, etc. til we knew he was probably moving back home in 5mos (and that I might leave if I got a job offer) and figured we should try, I basically had 3 mos to figure out if it would work or not. So far it is, and he's one of my best friends so even if he moved and it didn't work out, if he liked the place or could move back if he felt like it, it would be worth the try.

Only time will tell though. I may talk to him about it some more. As my brother points out, since he just moved back home himself, he's got no job to worry about leaving, and not much more there, so it would be the perfect time to try. What's he got to lose, he asks? And it's a good question...If his parents are there for him now to stay til his lease is up and save money, they'll be there for him if he goes to FL and decides he wants to come back. Of course, he still has a lease til July which, at this point he may as well keep, and maybe by then since I'll already have been in FL for about a month, we'll have a better idea of where we stand with each other, and whether it's worth the risk of a move for him.

[mainebrokerman]

i dont know your age,,,but im assuming in your 20's.....
if you have an opportunity,,,to venture out,,,,,then do it,,open new doors,,see whats on the other side,,
so many folks (including myself) regret,,the crossroads of the past,,that we had the chance to do this,,but didnt,,,we were too damn conservative,,
we all have anchors,,in ourselves,,and in others trying to weigh us down,,,,,when the opportunity is there,,,,for a new exciting adventure,,id take it,, take it with enthusiasm, faith ,,you will better yourself!!

[phoenixxphyre]

Yeah, I'm 22.

Oh, I plan on doing it anyhow. I'm trying to figure it it's meant to be we'll find a way to work it out. But I can't stay here; and he wouldn't want me to. There's nothing here for me but him and he doesn't plan on staying here forever either.

I'm not sure if it'll do anything or not, but he's a big car person (which is why he was more on board with the idea of CA because of the publications out there, which he'd like to work for), and there aren't really any jobs involving that around where he's at. So I looked up valet jobs in south FL. Just on the east side where I'm going there are a dozen jobs, and a dozen more on the west. For perspective I looked up similar jobs in OH and found 4, two of which were taken down within a week of posting, so even if you count those, there are three times those kinds of jobs in FL on each side, and if you don't count them, there's 6.

So, we'll see if he'll consider it knowing that even just in something like that there's more opportunity.

[phoenixxphyre]

Well, just an update, we're separated with possibility but not necessarily probability of it working out later. basically he still thinks he wont like FL and says he isn't ready for a move like that right now besides. so I guess I'll just have to go on my own and if it's meant to work out hope that it does so later. That's going to make this a lot harder though.

[Keeper]

jmo but if he is unwilling to at least give it a try for you especially since he has nothing keeping him from moving then what would your life be like in the future with him? Life and love are give and take. If the shoe was on the other foot what would you do? Would you leave and go with him even if you didn't think you would like it? If the answer is 'yes' then why isn't it 'yes' for him? You will do just fine in FL. I lived there 30 years and met the love of my life there.