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Hi everyone, thanks for reading this post. I guess I need to vent a little out loud and ask all of you for your opinion on this matter. I am single, female, christian, with many health issues including hiv+. Got hiv at age 24. Now Im 34. I am learning to just accept that fact and love myself regardless. Everytime I meet someone and they get to the point that they want to have intimacy I feel its only right to tell them that I am positive and give them the option if they still want to or not. Most of the time they dont, sometimes they do with protection of course.
My thing is that I want a real serious relationship that leads to marriage. I am being told that I shouldn't expect anything more than just a good time in bed temporary because no one is going to accept me completely. That I should just put down my values and desires and be satisfied with what I can get because of my situation. I disagree with that very much.
Then one day I ask, if Im sick then why u even bother with me if I dont deserve or I can't have what I want (serious relationship leading to marriage)? He told me with a straight face that some men would still want me only cuz of the sex, they can put on a condom and do their thing and go cuz many not going to refuse it. But for something serious I'm not worth it. I get sad and I ended making stronger rules for myself.
This time, I am determine and I am actually following God's word instead of myself or men. God says don't have sex until marriage...and now I am living up to that. I feel better cuz men can't use me like by acting they want something serious but then when they get the sex they leave. I tell them from the start "no sex until marriage" and now I get all kinds of nonsense like who am I to do that cuz im sick it doesnt make sense to do that and bla bla bla bla bla. I just shake my head, and see that it is what is really in their heart(sex) and I don't be bother with them anymore.
Why is it so hard to find a man that will accept me as I am completely? I am worth it. I know I have health issues and this hiv but don't I deserve to be accepted and loved too? Or should I decide to stay single and forget that real love and marriage is not in my future?
I'm sorry you are living with this illness and hope that you have a long and healthy life. You must realize that HIV is a frightening prospect for many people; it's possible that some blow it out of proportion in terms of risk, but it's going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people and you have to come to terms with that. We're not talking about having a weird hobby or a mole on your chin. This is a potentially deadly disease. Not only would your partner be risking his health, he would have to face the possibility of watching you become very ill or worse. That is a lot for many people to swallow.
It seems like there would be a HIV+ community where you could date someone else who is positive, or at least deal with potential partners who are okay with your illness. I'm sorry, it must seem unfair, but I think you need to stop telling yourself that you "deserve" this or that and think clearly about what is realistic for your situation.
You should search online for dating sites for others with the illness. I know they have them and I have heard of people getting together with them. You do deserve love and a real relationship and I'm am sure someone else out there like you is looking for the same. I have heard of HIV+ people getting married and having normal lives.
Don't listen to the naysayers. Do what's right for you.
I'm so very sorry you had to only meet men that just wanted to use you for "their needs". I wish people could be different and have more understanding.
Sense you are going with God, you should know there is someone out there for everyone. Maybe this is a false wish of mine, but it's something I would like to believe. Someone will find you, you just have to have faith.
I can't begin to understand how hard it is for you. I hope someone does find you for who you are and not what you are (or even what you have). Just believe in yourself.
I don't think anyone will say it better than this.
Could not agree more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I'm sorry you are living with this illness and hope that you have a long and healthy life. You must realize that HIV is a frightening prospect for many people; it's possible that some blow it out of proportion in terms of risk, but it's going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people and you have to come to terms with that. We're not talking about having a weird hobby or a mole on your chin. This is a potentially deadly disease. Not only would your partner be risking his health, he would have to face the possibility of watching you become very ill or worse. That is a lot for many people to swallow.
It seems like there would be a HIV+ community where you could date someone else who is positive, or at least deal with potential partners who are okay with your illness. I'm sorry, it must seem unfair, but I think you need to stop telling yourself that you "deserve" this or that and think clearly about what is realistic for your situation.
Clinton Brogain at your service. Although I am loathe to offer advice to white women, as I have been spurned in the past, I do have some food for thought. Have you considered seeking out an HIV+ partner? This would negate the fear of infection and allow you to be on the same plane, so to speak. Also, I appreciate your use of the new HIV+ font color, it allows for subtle identification as well as a pleasurable retinal burn upon reading. Good day.
Does the OP realize how serious HIV/AIDS really is?
I've read that for many younger people who weren't around or aware in the 80s and 90s, HIV is not unlike diabetes. They don't see it as a death sentence; you just take your medicine and get on with your life.
I am sorry to hear of your battle with HIV and the added difficulties it brings in finding the right partner to build a relationship with.
I am sure you will continue to run into men who are uneasy about the HIV as well.
Leaving sex out of your relationships may help. You will want to find a man (whether or not you have HIV) that loves you for who you are first, before getting into physical intimacy.
I am sure the right guy, who will be warm and understanding, is out there for you! Just keep meeting people, being open about your HIV, and working towards building a relationship!
I've read that for many younger people who weren't around or aware in the 80s and 90s, HIV is not unlike diabetes. They don't see it as a death sentence; you just take your medicine and get on with your life.
In a way, it is. The disease I got a couple of years ago is not any different essentially (cells get destroyed; who cares which ones exactly); I just didn't have any fun getting it. And it's not contagious. Other than that... pretty much the same... Of course, some of those who have HIV didn't have any fun getting it, either.
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