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I am 24 years old and my girlfriend and I moved together about 2 years ago. Since then, I have held a steady job and made decent money, and she has found it difficult to keep a job for more than a month without getting upset and quitting. She has found it is too expensive for her to go back to school, and has recently asked me if I would pay her bills if she stays at home and does housework. I thought originally that this would work well, as then we would have time together when I got home, but she hasn't been doing more than an hour or two of housework a day while I am at work, she sleeps until noon and complains about motivation issues. I love her, and would like to take the next step with her, but I feel like I shouldn't. What do you think?
If by taking the "next step" means marriage, don't do it!! Maybe your girlfriend suffers from depression, but she needs a professional counselor or you to boot her out of the apartment. You have been enabling her to not have to deal with her problems with working. And that is bad for her. She needs to get off her butt and enter society again. Make her seek some professional counseling. Don't support or marry a non-functioning, non-working person.
I agree with everyone. I think the first step should be to make sure she's not actually depressed.
If you feel she is not depressed, or if it has been ruled out - I think you need to reevaluate this relationship and the type of person you want to be with. Many men are fine with women being home and raising the kids, doing the housework etc. But you have no kids that you have mentioned? So what is her point for being home? Maybe she just doesn't want to work. Which is fine if that is possible for you. But you have to be ok with that too. Sounds like she is either lazy or unambitious to me. She can't hold a job for more then a month? hmmmmm - that would make me think.
Like I said, rule out depression first. I hate people who jump to conclusions. And if she doesnt have some kind of depression, etc.....then just give the relationship some thought. Good luck!
My armchair diagnosis is that she's depressed. Don't think about marriage until these issues are resolved. As miu said, it seems you have been enabling her. She needs professional help.
Tell her to get off her Butt and get a job, don't get her on meds, life is depressing if you don't make something out of it, You say you love her so motivate her instead of dumping her, if she doesn't get going then you need to concider if you need to end the relationship. Some people need a small fire under thier Butt to get them going.
Well, I don't want to jump to conclusions on this either. As I see it, there is a lot of hope for your relationship, if this is the only problem you're having. First off, you do need a medical evaluation to find out if she suffers from depression. Then, look at her other social interactions with other people. Is she comfortable in social settings? There is a class of people in the world who excell at their jobs when they are able to work alone. Not everyone is a people person, and thats good to keep in mind also. I think I would just ask her to think about what type of job she would like to have. Even if you have to help pay her tuition, if her earning potential would be above average, it could still benefit the both of you in the long run. But, sleeping until noon? It sure sounds like she is depressed about something. I mention this next thing only because it is real, and is common.......That is, does she possibly have any type of substance abuse problem she may be trying to hide from you? That junk can wreak havoc on a persons employment, as well as on the person themself. If you really love this girl, and have two+ years invested in her, I would evaluate all these things before I just decided she was too lazy to work. Good luck to both of you!
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