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I don't and can't accept your understading of marriage. It's about love and more love, not material wealth.
First, I never said anything about material wealth. Once you have gone thu a divorce, you might understand why people view marriage as a legal partnership.
We are lead to believe marriage is all about the love but in reality, marriage is a civil union =legal contract.
You can set up house and build a life together on love without signing a legal document, without diamond rings, fluffy white dresses or losing your identity. If marriage was nothing but love and more love people wouldnt be so hung up on who takes whose name.
Men- How would you feel if your wife to be didn't want to take your last name, or wanted to hyphenate it with hers?
Women- why would you not take his last name, or hypenate yours?
I had a discussion with some guys here at work yesterday, and they told me that if you meet a girl who had issues with taking your last name, RUN.
What do you think about it?
Any stories to share?
I would have no problem with whatever name she chooses. It is totally her choice. My wife actually has her ex-husband's last name. She has had that name more than half her life and it is how everyone knows her.
I always thought this was a senseless and demeaning tradition. Yeah if there are kids it makes it easier to have one last name in common but why does it specifically have to be his name? Besides more couples are remaining childless now so it is less of an issue.
And I don't think whether the woman is a professional or not should matter. Even if she scrubs toilets for a living she still has an identity, a sense of self and pride in who she is as a person.
I feel any man that would make an issue of this is insecure, petty, and chauvanistic. If he would be that inflexible and oppresive on something so relatively trivial how reasonable and respectful would he be on the important decisions concerning the marriage/family?
I am a woman and getting married next summer. I will take my fiance's last name, mainly because his is a lot shorter and easier to pronounce and I have no huge emotional attachment to mine. (It is always mispronounced) I am excited to change my name. With that said, I don't think a man should be upset if the woman wanted to keep her name, especially for work reasons or if she was the last person in the family to carry on the name, etc. I have friends with the man's last name, hypenated versions, and keeping the maiden name. It all works for me.
With kids it's an issue of making them go thru school with a PITA name to spell and I think a boy with a hyphenated just screams WIMP. Illogical yes but its how I feel.
I'll bet a lot of men and boys in the UK would take issue with you on this.
I would have no problem with whatever name she chooses. It is totally her choice. My wife actually has her ex-husband's last name. She has had that name more than half her life and it is how everyone knows her.
I always thought this was a senseless and demeaning tradition. Yeah if there are kids it makes it easier to have one last name in common but why does it specifically have to be his name? Besides more couples are remaining childless now so it is less of an issue.
And I don't think whether the woman is a professional or not should matter. Even if she scrubs toilets for a living she still has an identity, a sense of self and pride in who she is as a person.
I feel any man that would make an issue of this is insecure, petty, and chauvanistic. If he would be that inflexible and oppresive on something so relatively trivial how reasonable and respectful would he be on the important decisions concerning the marriage/family?
I would have no problem with whatever name she chooses. It is totally her choice. My wife actually has her ex-husband's last name. She has had that name more than half her life and it is how everyone knows her.
I always thought this was a senseless and demeaning tradition. Yeah if there are kids it makes it easier to have one last name in common but why does it specifically have to be his name? Besides more couples are remaining childless now so it is less of an issue.
And I don't think whether the woman is a professional or not should matter. Even if she scrubs toilets for a living she still has an identity, a sense of self and pride in who she is as a person.
I feel any man that would make an issue of this is insecure, petty, and chauvanistic. If he would be that inflexible and oppresive on something so relatively trivial how reasonable and respectful would he be on the important decisions concerning the marriage/family?
Men- How would you feel if your wife to be didn't want to take your last name, or wanted to hyphenate it with hers?
Women- why would you not take his last name, or hypenate yours?
I had a discussion with some guys here at work yesterday, and they told me that if you meet a girl who had issues with taking your last name, RUN.
What do you think about it?
Any stories to share?
This is one of those "new liberated women" threads that usually digress into name calling. Liberated women cannot deal with the concept that there are females out there with other points of view. And so they get pretty hostile about it.
As for me, I consider it the highest honor possible to take my husband's name in marriage when I become his wife. To me it is the sign of the ultimate commitment that marriage typifies and demonstrates that I take my vows very seriously indeed.
"Professional" women will whine that they MUST keep their maiden name because they have made a reputation with it and that is what their clients know them by. That is certainly not true. Unless of course, you have the stupidest clients in the world. Women have been getting married for a couple of thousand years and changing their name. It's not something new and generally people will understand and accept that this has happened. Mind you, these are the same women who gladly ditch these same "valued clients" for weeks or months when they take their precious maternity leave. Like so much of their rhetoric, they only use the arguements that suit them at the time.
Anyway, to answer your question. I agree with your friend that if you want a woman who will put her husband and her marriage and her family above everything else, priority-wise, that you definitely should RUN if a woman will not take her husband's name. Like I said, it is an honor and should be treated as such.
I'm guessing the guys you were talking to are not white collar professionals, right?
In the white collar world most men would understand that some women have a vested interest in keeping their own last names if they have already established themselves professionally. Not every female doctor or lawyer WOULD keep her name, but many would not want to give it up if they thought doing so affected their name recognition in their career/field.
Ideally, I think it's nice when couples share a last name once kids come along (just makes it easier on kids and gives the family a sense of identity), but plenty of professional woman wouldn't agree with me I'm sure
When I see birth announcements in the paper I just figure if the woman doesn't have the man's last name they aren't married and the kid is illigetimate. LOL
20yrsinBranson
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